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Posts by themasteressay
Name: Toni
Joined: Aug 15, 2016
Last Post: Aug 16, 2016
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  
From: nigeria
School: Loyola Jesuit College

Displayed posts: 2
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themasteressay   
Aug 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Astronaut nearly drowns in space [3]

Some of your sentences do not flow cohesively e.g.Astronauts problem is drowning during a spacewalk, is where an astronaut leaves and do their job.The word astronaut is used too many times. Add variety to your sentence.
themasteressay   
Aug 15, 2016
Undergraduate / The college essay as our opportunity to see the person behind the transcripts and the numbers [2]

At the University of Washington, we consider the college essay as our opportunity to see the person behind the transcripts and the numbers. Some of the best statements are written as personal stories. We welcome your imaginative interpretation.

Submit a topic of your choice:550 words


(7 Toni's gather for a meeting in my room. Conscientious Toni has called for the meeting in order to disscuss Toni;s plans for College. Lighthearted Toni hangs up-side down off the back of his desk chair. Extrovert Toni prepares for a party, despite the meeting, while Introvert Toni sits in the corner silently thinking to himself. Blunt and Athletic Toni are also present.)

Extrovert:(Sprays Gucci Perfume on his chest)Guys, Guys let's forget about this metting and go and partayyy!
Stressed: (Looking Stressed) Extrovert please sit down...(Turns to Conscientious)Come on let's get this meeting over with.
Conscientious:(Gestures Everyone to listen)Okay. So it's time we think about where we go from now and where we hope to end up, in the process stating how we hope to achieve this...

Lighthearted: Blah, Blah, Blah(Stands up straight)I'm with Extrovert,let's get out of here.
Stressed:(His voice rising)Can everyone please sit down,so we can get this over with.(Lighthearted starts laughing)
Blunt:(Talking with an eerie sense of calm as he points at lighthearted)You are an idiot and Extroert has no sense of priority.(Turns to Conscientious)If you don't mind, I have to go and finish my Game of thrones episode.

Intovert:(Watching everything unfloding silently,thinking about the Dan Brown book he was reading this morning...)
Conscientious:Okay,everyone calm down. So how are we going to make the most out of college...
Athletic:Easy! Soccer!(Kicks a ball at Conscientious)
Conscientious: No no we need a well thought out plan, like we get to the campus...
Blunt:Shut up,Conscientious. We are going to get there meet a bunch of strangers,become friends for life,survive 5 hour lectures from professor("input colege prof here"),barely scale 3.0 GPAs,get pumped and come out with a bachelor's degree with no job.

Lighthearted:Stop being so pessimistic, blunt. We'll have jobs...as hackers.
(Everyone bursts out laughing except introvert still in his own world)
Athletic:(Looks around)Where's Extrovert?
(Extrovert has slipped out for the party)
Introvert:(Suddenly speaks up)What's the point? We dont need college.I can be a writer, I 've already finished my first book,"The Existentialist",Ahletic has all the skills necesarry to be a pro soccer player with his amazing goalkeeping skills,Conscientious is going to be great with his amazing planning skills as he has led his house from victory to victory in school, and lighthearted is already aimed at comedy central, making evryone laugh on a regular basis.Extrovert,well...he can be a...party planner?(Everyone chuckles)We go to college and all we get is some measely bachelor degree ending up losing all of this and becoming one trick ponies.

Conscientious: Not necesarilly,you never mentioned our love for Computers and technology which are major majors at every university. In addition, who said you cant write your books or athletic cant be a pro soccer player. These opportunities are present at every school we will apply to and evenmore. Athletic can join the soccer team,Lighthearted can tell jokes during the weekends,stressed can start yoga..that'll be new and,I can even join the honors society while we still major in our passion for Computers.

(Everyone nods in agreement)
Stressed:(Vigourously rubbinghis temples)So are we done? I really need to have a shower.
Conscientious:I guess so...
Blunt:We are let's go.
(Extrovert burts in)
Extrovert:(Sweating)Sorry,guys forgot my wallet.
(Everyone starts leaving)
Extrovert:Wait!(Getures for Lighthearted to come close to him and whispers in his ear.Lightearted laughs.)Okay you can go now.
(Everyone looking confused and curious at he same time,but know better than to question lighthearted and extrovert at the same time.)
Toni:(After a few hours of deep thought)I think I just found my application essay.
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