Undergraduate / A personal and National Triumph [8]

I was working on the structure and I think it might be clearer this way, but I´m not sure, I mean, I´m not a native speaker so your advice on this would be amazing.

Par. 1: While most of Colombians complain every single day of the political and economic situation of our country ...
Par. 2: Since June 4th I've been part of the youth branch of the political party "Centro Democrático". ...
Par. 3: After we were done collecting signatures...
Par .4: Why anyone would oppose to peace?
Par. 5: "We did it! We definitely did it! Oh my god, we are part of something! We really did it!"

I just changed par 3 and 4 because I think par 4 explains the consecuences of the campaign. So it might be clearer for someone who does not know about Colombia´s situation. I´ll leave the complete and structure corrected essay here, so you can read it and tell if it´s better than the original.

A Personal and National Triumph

While most of Colombians complain every single day of the political and economic situation of our country, I decided to step out of the usual and do something for the place I´ve grown up in. Last summer, I was spending an afternoon with my best friend when we saw something that definitely changed our lives. It was former President, Alvaro Uribe Velez´ political party speaking with the people, answering whatever question they had and inviting them to inform themselves properly. We stopped to see what was happening, which turned to be what we had been looking for since the beginning of junior year: a way of getting into the youth branch of the political party. In order to accomplish it, a really nice volunteer called Felix gave us Senator Alfredo Ramos´ phone number. Without thinking it twice, we called him and arranged a meeting. The very next day we went exactly where we had been the day before, the place where our amazing adventure began. Our job was collecting signatures to support the party`s claim of unconstitutionality of the "Peace Legislative Act", which would have given president Santos the exact same special powers that were given to Hugo Chavez on November 7th 2000. This duty was hard, not only because we spent 2 months walking around Bogotá every day from 8 am to 6 pm, but because government has spent an unimaginable amount of money in order to convince society of supporting the peace treaty with terrorist group FARC, treaty that is described by Mary Anastasia O´Grady as a "trap".

Since June 4th I've been part of the youth branch of the political party "Centro Democrático". We meet every Friday to discuss about the controversial issues that have happened during the week, as well as we have meetings with recognized political characters, such as the former president itself or senators, who teach us how to express ourselves properly. Every week I learn new things and meet interesting people who have changed my way of thinking. Friday has become my favorite day of the week, but surely not because of the same reasons as most of teenagers, but because I wake up every Saturday being a better person than the previous day.

After we were done collecting signatures, we began to campaign for the plebiscite. Campaign which was based on explaining all sectors of society the 297 pages, published by the government about a month and a half prior the voting day, reason why I had to read it deeply in 3 days, in order keep up with the other volunteers. I had never felt more secure of myself. I can´t completely explain how this 5 months made me grow as a person, but I can surely say that October 2nd was the day I realized I was no longer a child. I had become a secure and strong young woman, who had made her way through a usually sexist field, who has a voice now and is able to explain her points of view with strong arguments.

By now, whoever is reading this essay might be asking himself why anyone would oppose to peace. The thing is, there´s no peace when the cocaine production has doubled in the past 6 years, nor when the conversations are been hosted in Cuba by the Castro regime, which has always been a military supplier of the Marxist guerrilla. What Colombians want is a real peace, in which justice isn´t replaced, weapons are left aside are victims are economically repaired. This is why, after our long efforts, 83% of Colombians either voted no or abstained, as a symbol of their disagreement.

"We did it! We definitely did it! Oh my god, we are part of something! We really did it!" -My best friend and I standing in front of the screen, watching the results of October 2nd national plebiscite.

Btw, are you 100% sure that the "We did it..." part should be the last paragraph, because I thought it would be unique to use it as a brief introduction, but as I said before, I´m not a native speaker, so your opinion means a lot to me.

Undergraduate / A personal and National Triumph [8]

Hello Holt, Thank you aonce again.

Is there any way I can make grammar better? I mean, you just said it is acceptable, but maybe acceptable isn´t enough.

I have to post it before Nov 1st, so I still have 2 or 3 days to come with the perfect version of my essay. I really liked the topic because it is defintely something that differentiates me from other people, but aside of the content itself, I would love it grammar and sentence structure could be better.

Btw, the essay should be 650 words max, which I think is the exact amount of words I wrote, haha.

Undergraduate / A personal and National Triumph [8]

Holt, thank you very much for your advise.
You wrote the exactly the same in par 1 and 3, could you doube check it? I´ll work on it, but aside of the structure, do you think I´m using the correct words and punctuation? This means a lot to me.

oh, btw, I chose prompt 5 of the common app essay:
Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.