cinuandme
Dec 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Writing: Should young adults live independently or living with their parents for a longer time [2]
Hello everyone!I am Bonnie,currently preparing for TOEFL.
I wrote a essay about this topic.The original prompt should be:
Some young adults want independence as soon as possible.Other young adults prrefer living with their parents for a longer time.Which of these situations do you think is better.Use specific pionts and examples to support your opinion.
Can anyone help me to refine and polish it,if you are willing to.I would be very appreciated for you help！
No one can live with their parents forever. Parents will ultimately get old and some day will leave us. When that time comes, after all, we have to live independently. However, there are some young adults prefer to live with parents for a longer time. As an exponent of living independently, I disagree with that perception for the following reasons.
Firstly, only when we live alone can we grow up as a full man. Living with parents provides young adults a great convenient in every aspects of life with support of money, food and clothes etc. With these readily assistance from parents, young adults are prone to be too dependent on their parents to develop the ability of taking care of themselves when no one is beside them. Taking myself as an example, I had been living with my parents until I was a high school student. I was a spoiled child who could not help with herself chores. The experience of living in the school dormitory plays a significant role in my life, which taught me to be independent and how to deal with chores and problems by myself.
Secondly, it is the natural law that young adults leave their parents' shelter and live alone. The earlier they live alone, the faster they get accustomed to the way of living in a real world. When the time matures, it is beneficial to young adults to live on their own. Because they are still young, their adaptation ability is still strong enough for them to be used to the new way of living quickly. If they start to live alone later, it will be more tough for them to adjust themselves into independent mode.
Broadly speaking, living independently can accelerate the comprehensive development of becoming a full man, while the opposite way of living can't. Besides it is the way that human society evolving for years, which can't be broke by anyone.
Hello everyone!I am Bonnie,currently preparing for TOEFL.
I wrote a essay about this topic.The original prompt should be:
Some young adults want independence as soon as possible.Other young adults prrefer living with their parents for a longer time.Which of these situations do you think is better.Use specific pionts and examples to support your opinion.
Can anyone help me to refine and polish it,if you are willing to.I would be very appreciated for you help！
No one can live with their parents forever. Parents will ultimately get old and some day will leave us. When that time comes, after all, we have to live independently. However, there are some young adults prefer to live with parents for a longer time. As an exponent of living independently, I disagree with that perception for the following reasons.
Firstly, only when we live alone can we grow up as a full man. Living with parents provides young adults a great convenient in every aspects of life with support of money, food and clothes etc. With these readily assistance from parents, young adults are prone to be too dependent on their parents to develop the ability of taking care of themselves when no one is beside them. Taking myself as an example, I had been living with my parents until I was a high school student. I was a spoiled child who could not help with herself chores. The experience of living in the school dormitory plays a significant role in my life, which taught me to be independent and how to deal with chores and problems by myself.
Secondly, it is the natural law that young adults leave their parents' shelter and live alone. The earlier they live alone, the faster they get accustomed to the way of living in a real world. When the time matures, it is beneficial to young adults to live on their own. Because they are still young, their adaptation ability is still strong enough for them to be used to the new way of living quickly. If they start to live alone later, it will be more tough for them to adjust themselves into independent mode.
Broadly speaking, living independently can accelerate the comprehensive development of becoming a full man, while the opposite way of living can't. Besides it is the way that human society evolving for years, which can't be broke by anyone.
