Prompt: Please tell us what you found meaningful about one of the above mentioned books, publications or cultural events.
Comments/suggestions are welcome! Thanks!
"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." In The Picture of Dorian Gray, the truth is masked with crowds of exquisite lies and enlightening nonsense. The title character Dorian Gray has a perfectly charming appearance that does not wear away with time. Add to eternal youth, his wild passion and peculiar tastes also enable him to indulge himself in every possible bodily pleasure. But his soul, as revealed on his portrait which is locked in a secret attic, has to bear all the sins and depravity. The separation of body and soul on the surface quite contrarily mirrors the bond between the two, as every time Dorian commits a crime, certain masks are made on the portrait, either a cruel curve on the lips, or a drop of blood on the hands.
Though Oscar warned "those who go beneath the surface do so at their peril", I can't help trying to decode the morality behind lines. As manifested to me, paradox itself is the motif. Dorian is given the freedom and courage to discover his own self and to create an art out of his life, yet it is these hands of cultivation that would eventually crush his throat. In addition to that, a large number of words are devoted to showing the paradoxical nature of human beings, as in "each of us has a heaven and a hell in him", and "each man kills the things he loves...the kindest using a knife". But if I were given the freedom to explore the wilderness of life I would definitely pack this book.
First off, good choice of book ;] I love The Picture of Dorian Gray
And a more serious note though, first of all, is there a word limit to this essay? Because if not, I feel like there are quite a lot of things you could add to this. As most college essays go, it's not so much about the event itself, or the person, or the book but it's impact on you. Remember, the application is for the admission officers to find out more about you; i'm sure they already know plenty on Dorian Gray. I think the fact that the first paragraph is longer than the second should already call for red flashing alarms. Although very eloquently described and probably very good for an English essay, I think the first paragraph can but cut down - by a lot.
So really, I'd just say to hone in on the second paragraph and really go into detail about it. What is the morality behind the lines? What is the paradoxical nature of human beings? Although no doubt beneficial, quoting from the book isn't doing too much for the admissions officer to know about you - except that you find good quotes. You're relating to much to the book, in my opinion. Try to add a more personal element to the essay.
I hope this helped! I'm not applying to Columbia so i'm not all too aware of the supplement essays but this is just my own personal opinion.
Good luck!
The limit is 1500 characters, including spaces.
On another note, I think you shouldn't start with a quote. Starting an essay with your own words would be preferable. (If you like it a lot that way though, it's not a huge problem, just a suggestion.)
Thank you, Andrew~ Your reply does help a lot~
There is a word limit of 1500 characters, as indicated by Daybreak, (thanks~) so I did not elaborate on other theses and ideas that I also found interesting. But perhaps I should do more on relating the ideas on my own life...
I do realize that this essay contains too much about the book itself and less about myself, perhaps it was because I like it too much.. >.< The main body of the essay is what I have known about life from the book. And Wilde's witticism is so captivating that I put on those quotes without a doubt. But, they don't help Admission Officers get to know ME, do they?...
Your questions are provoking. Indeed, I seemed to have overlooked the significance of those words before I used them. The morality behind lines.. and the paradoxical nature of life is contained in only one sentence. "Dorian is given the freedom and courage to discover his own self and to create an art out of his life, yet it is these hands of cultivation that would eventually crush his throat."
Perhaps I should add things like What would I do if I were Dorian Gray? Where are the lines drawn between freedom and depravity? How do I see youth? ...
I agree with what the posters above me said.
What I will add to what they have already stated, however, is that you should focus the essay more on yourself rather than the book (especially in the second paragraph as Andrew said). With theses types of essays, you should use the book as a medium to write about yourself, whereas, at the moment, it seems more like you're writing about the book and then, in the second paragraph, you're writing about the book and little bit about yourself. Try answering some of the questions you just posed, but write about yourself through the book (if you can "get" what I'm saying).
In addition to that, a large number of words are devoted to showing the paradoxical nature of human beings, as in "each of us has a heaven and a hell in him", and "each man kills the things he loves...the kindest using a knife", butif I were given the freedom to explore the wilderness of life I would definitely pack this book.
As for the way you wrote the essay, I would say very well. My only advice would be to look up "transitional phrases" on google and try using them to better your flow. To me, "In addition to that" sounds awkward, unfortunately. (I would also use "however" instead of "but", but that is a mere personal preference.) Try directly tying it to the last thing you said or find a more effortless transition. I also didn't really "get" that last bit I highlighted in green. Maybe think of something a little more relative to the content of your essay?
