Hello, I have been on the forums for a pretty long time now, and I find it very helpful. However, when its comes to writing an essay, I get pretty shocked and don't really know what to write about.
I'm in grade 8, and we just finished the book 'The Pigman' by Paul Zindel. We were given a topic: What do the pigs in the book represent for Mr. Pignati when he shows them, and when they later become smashed?
I wrote this so far:
REMOVED
Good evening.
The first paragraph of your essay is very clear and concise. You draw some good conclusions and explain them very well. The beginning analysis of your second paragraph is clear and organized as well. You stray slightly during your second example. Clarifying what you mean by "dying potential" will probably help you illustrate your example and analysis more clearly. I was a little lost with the piggy bank analogy; perhaps you could tie that in a little better. Perhaps something like, "...ceramic pigs remind most people of saving money, but Pigman's pigs weren't used for that. Therefore, they did not have the same potential as those moneybanks, rendering them useless. Like his pigs, the Pigman has lost his potential to do anything." Why is that? You could use this opportunity to draw a conclusion between how the Pigman got where he is and why, and why that causes him to collect these figurines.
Let me know when you have more!
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
Hello! Wow, thank you! I didn't actually expect a reply! You boosted me a little. (Maybe it was the heat, too. Where I live right now was blasting away at 35 celsius yesterday! Today it went down to 25.)
Well, so far, here is my essay. I'm still missing some ideas for the second and third paragraph, and I have yet to do the concluding paragraph. I will probably do it tomorrow. It's due on Tuesday. Here goes!
REMOVED
Good morning!
I'm glad to have helped! It looks like your essay is coming along very nicely. Just a couple of suggestions:
"...cold shower and them leaving the..." Change "them" to "then".
"...showing sign of..." Change "sign" to "signs".
I'm still a little confused with the term you use, "dying potential"; I'm not really sure what that is. Do you mean that as he ages his potential dwindles? Or, is this some kind of reference to his death at the end of the story?
Your organization is coming along nicely; you use good transitions between paragraphs and the flow is good.
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
Hello.
Well, I can't really describe what that means either. I meant to say that he's getting really weak and he can't really do anything in life anymore, but I don't really know how to word that into a better format. Anyway, here's my rough draft of the essay. I will bring it in to class tomorrow (probably for peer editing), and I'll get back to you tomorrow night with all the comments! Thanks for all the help so far!
The Man And His Pigs
REMOVED
I don't really feel good about my essay. It's very short (621 words!). I normally write around 1200 words. I also feel it's really choppy. I don't know if you feel the same.
Good afternoon!
I think you have clarified what you mean with clear examples; that helps the reader draw parallels from your comparisons and better understand your analysis. Good job here.
I think this is a very good rough draft; in that it is a rough draft, it's OK that it's choppy. You have a skeleton with a few supporting details under each main point pillar. Your peer evaluation can help you with transitions and filler details that will help pad the transitions, which is why you feel it is choppy. As you add these things your word count will grow as well, creating a much softer, well rounded essay.
I can't wait for your next posting!
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
Hello!
Sorry for the delay. I just haven't been on the computer much lately due to other homework. Anyway, I've done the peer editing. The bold is the comments that my peers added.
REMOVED
Overall comments: I suggest better linking of paragraphs, more attention to essay structure, and better understanding of the book (Like the collection thing...Conchetta collected the pigs, not the Pigman!). Also, you need do explain a bit more in some parts of the essay, and make sure the essay doesn't sound too cut up and flows smoothly! Pretty good essay, just needs some polishing here and there!
I still feel I didn't get enough criticism. =P What do you think?
Good evening!
It has been awhile since I've read this text, but does the author describe the figurines in any way? If so, do their likenesses symbolize the Pigman in any way? I believe this is what the criticism in the first paragraph is referring to.
Again with the "dying potential" phrase; at first glance it is misleading. How about changing it to something like, "His fading potential" or "His waning potential in life". This might clear up some of the confusion.
I agree that you can use the opportunity in the second period in regards to explaining the Pigman's uniquenesses and how he's unlike others; this could provide an opening for you to explain more symbolism.
Since it was his wife that collected the pigs, can you compare them to her in any way? If so, what kind of an impact did this have in the Pigman?
Using transitions (however, next, overall, etc.) will help you link up your paragraphs and improve flow; some research into others' analysis of the story would not hurt either. Do an internet search using "The Pigman" and "critical analysis" or "symbols and themes" and see what you can come up with. You might be surprised at how much others' ideas can stimulate your own.
Keep up the good work!
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
Do you see any similarities between the Pigman and his wife's figurines that could serve as symbols? For instance, is there one that has a lonely expression on its face that is reflected in the face and life of the Pigman? As for the opportunity to explain why he is different than others, what makes you think so? This point in the essay would be a good place to insert some more analysis about the Pigman's character.
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
*sigh* I'm just going to go with this: It's one of the worst essays I've written, probably. But the topic wasn't of interest, so that is why my work is like this. Romeo and Juliet should fix my worries. I'll check in then! Thanks for all the help!
P.S. And thanks for removing my previous posts. (Wait, but why was it removed? Though I felt glad that it's removed...)
Good morning :)
Sometimes writing about something we are just not interested in is difficult. The important thing is that you gave it a try; after all, we only get better at something if we work on it. I look forward to your future postings.
We try to remove long posts to save on space and confusion; also, many members like their work being removed once it is completed, so we try to accommodate as best we can.
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
