Hi,
I am not a native English speaker, and i think there are definitely some awkward sentences in my essay. I want to make sure that readers can understand my arguments and my ideas are coming through through clearly. Could someone correct my spelling, grammatical mistakes and revise the sentence structure?I would greatly appreciate it!
(just an excerpt from my essay)
Transformation from Catholic belief to Cree faith
Being affected by the white world and assimilated by the Catholic doctrines, Abraham has no other alternatives but to send his two sons to the residential school to learn the dominant culture, the white men's culture. When Mariesis expresses her unwillingness to send Jeremiah to residential school at such a young age, Abraham replies that "sooni-eye-gimow's, Father Bouchard says. It is the law" (40). Actually, when I first read this, I am so disappointed at Abraham. The book paints Abraham as a warrior type when he becomes the dog derby champion, "first Indian to win the grueling race in its twenty-eight-year history" (6). But now, he is such a coward that even can't protect his family. However, when I read it again, I understand such behavior. Because the white culture is so strong, he resigns to the reality and maybe it is his own way to protect his two sons. What if he rebels and refuses to let his sons go to the residential school? The Okimasis family may be isolated by the whole community, and without knowledge, Jeremiah and Gabriel may not become the pianist or dancer. In addition, Abraham asks his sons to behavior well in Birch Lake, because he thinks that "Father Lafleur is taking care of you just fine, and that with him guiding you, your future is guaranteed" (109). As a father, he wants to secure his kids' future and does everything he could to protect them, which is understandable. Due to the strong Catholic influence, he firmly believes that "[t]he Catholic Church saved our people. Without it, we couldn't be here today...you follow any other religion and you go straight to the hell" (109). However, experienced his eldest son-- William William's death, knowing the stinking mess and frequent fighting these white men have brought to the reserve, Abraham suspects his Catholic faith. At his deathbed, he urges his two sons that "[t]he world has become too evil. With these magic weapons, make a new world" (227). His words shock his two sons, especially Jeremiah. How can their most Catholic father resort to pagan tales? To Abraham's relief, his sons eventually reintroduce the traditional ways of their ancestors with the modern arts and make a new world.
The journey of Jeremiah's spiritual conversion goes similar to Abraham's. Because brought up by the Catholic parents and the experiences in residential school, Jeremiah chooses Christianity as his faith like Abraham. Being the elder brother, Jeremiah has a responsibility to look after and take care of his younger siblings. His personality becomes obedient, courteous and is accustomed to listen to his parents and the priests. When asked what does Catholic thing means to him, "Jeremiah couldn't find the words to express what he believed" (183). Obviously, he only accepts it because his parents required and it is what he was taught in residential school. Slowly maturing into young man, Jeremiah struggles with his identity, and doesn't truly know who he is. Abraham's death is a pivotal point in his belief. Abraham's final will affects Jeremiah a lot, which leads him to think what on earth he seeks. Although winning the piano competition, Jeremiah realizes that to be recognized as a successful pianist, he has to continue to deny his Cree identity. Being confused at who he is, being estranged from Gabriel, taking up drinking, Jeremiah leads to a loss in drive and determination. Fortunately, he finds himself through Gabriel and Amanda's continuous encouragement and help. Amanda says to Jeremiah that "you are born an artist. It's a responsibility, a duty; you can't run away with it" (259. Eventually, he is no longer pretending that he isn't Native and he is more connected to his community, becoming a social worker to care for the children. Tying his native heritage to the modern art, he comes up with a play about Son of Ayash named "Barcarolle Ulysses Thunderchild" according to Abraham's final will, which is a big success. Moreover, he helps Gabriel have a Cree ritual, not a Catholic ceremony as Mariesis requires. Jeremiah physically forces the priest away and pulls his mother inside and slams the door, the door of assimilation to an anti-Cree culture. "We're Indians! We have a right to conduct our own religious ceremonies, just like everyone else" (305). Although Jeremiah and Abraham both find their roots in the end, Jeremiah not only realizes his identity, but also takes action to firm his belief, while Abraham does nothing and realizes too late.
Thanks!!
The Okimasis family may be isolated by the whole community, and without knowledge Jeremiah and Gabriel may not become the pianist or dancer achieve their goals associated with music and dance.
YOU write so well!! I am surprised to learn that you are not a native speaker. Your writing is of a high level.
Here is one mistake:
As a father, he wants to secure his kids' future and does everything he can could to protect them, which is understandable. --- verb tense agreement
Here is another small problem I can fix:
His personality becomes obedient, courteous, and is accustomed to listening to his parents and the priests.
You say "accustomed to listening" because it kinda means "accustomed to the act of listening"
I was going to tel you that this begins too abruptly, but now I realize it is just an excerpt...
it's great, and I hope you realize that you write better than... i am guessing... 85% of native speakers of English.
