Autobiography of Satan
"The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality."
― Dante Alighieri, Inferno
Well yes, you read the title right, I'm Satan, the ruler of the underworld, the devil. I am mostly rendered as the evil mean person living and rotting in hell and growing old, sigh, I can't imagine how misunderstood I am. So in this text I'd try to tell my version of the story...
Before Big Bang, the moment the Universe was formed, there was only energy, mixture of dark and light energies. From the beginning of the Big Bang and until now people have been developing. The timeline of the universe is kind of something like this -
Act 1.The universe was created. (This was regarded as a bad move by quite a lot of people for quite a lot of time)
Act 2. God wanted to bestow HER (yes you people got it wrong for the whole time) love upon someone so She created man.
Act 3. God adorned men and women with Her insurmountable love. And people lived happily ever after.
But you must be thinking, "Happily ever after? Only a few can manage to be happy for a week let alone forever". The thing is that you are in the 'tiny' gap between Act 2 and Act 3. Well tiny to me and God.
I and God came into being just at the same time. Our relation has been overlooked and/or been misinterpreted by most of the authors. Actually I am God's brother and we share a cordial relationship. Astounding isn't it?
Now, people regret my existence right? I, Satan, the harbinger of devastation... Actually I am as important as God is in your life. We both are the part of the same plan. Confused right?
People always seek happiness, whether in form of love, power, possession or anything else. People just seek for it, but how many stops and looks back at what happiness he has? Consider this, last night you did not have to starve as you had a fulfilling dinner, and you're quite fortunate for it and this makes you happy. You are of course happy as you are not suffering from chronic migraine pain. But where you aware of this a few minutes back?
You have a lot of reasons to be happy but you are not aware of them as you take them for granted. Thus sometimes I come and show you yet another reason to be happy. Just after you recover from a cold you feel happy, when your hurt thumb recovers and you can do your chores without inducing pain, you become the happiest person. You can relate to it can't you?
Actually there's quite a lot of fault with the present human beings -
You don't ask enough tough questions. Instead, you watch TV. You eat. You gain weight, or obsess about staying thin. You complain. You read tabloids. You're fixated on celebrities, making idols of people that are every bit as lost and confused as you are, and probably more so.
You do as little as you can get away with. You wait around for things to change, or for someone to bail you out. But no one does because they are in the same boat.
You seek fulfilment from outside sources and get-rich-quick schemes. Or you work 70 hours a week to avoid facing reality-and your family. You worship money instead of searching for the truth. And all the while, you turn a blind eye to the suffering of others and a deaf ear to the cries of humanity.
Victimhood is the flag you fly. You believe that the universe has dealt you a lousy hand. You're convinced life is random, grossly unfair, and coldly indifferent to your pain and suffering.
People cloak themselves in these false and comforting assumptions and try to evade from reality.
This is gradually increasing from the 60's. The lyrics and slogans transformed from "Make love not war" to "Greed is good". And with the turn of millennia everything just quadrupled. Pessimism and cynicism grew out to become clichés.
When people would learn to value what he has and seek enlightenment, only then the Act 3 will come into stage.
Well yes, there's another thing I'd like to share with you, you may consider it as a mere alibi but trust me it's completely an airtight one. .I don't kill for fun or torture cause that gives me pleasure! I only punish those who deserve to be punished. The terrorists, murderers, rapists, I leave none of them. I make them suffer for every sin they have done. Have you ever heard that I've tortured a pure soul? NEVER.
I have always cared for people as much as my sister. Once I had an argument with her just for your sake. She did not plan to let you have the knowledge of what is good and what is bad. I went against my dearest sister and asked the serpent to guide Eve to the apple. It is because of me you possess the power of judgement (it is a shame that most of you rarely even put it to use!).
OK, I've criticized you a lot and I think if I utter another criticism you're going to stop reading which I really don't want because even the Devil gets finger ache due to continuous typing.
It is really cool to be Satan you know. Cool and Satan in the same sentence, it's a hell of an oxymoron. By the way did you notice the word hell? Ok yeah I should stop.
So as I was telling being Satan a.k.a. Lucifer is good. You get to live in a big sea facing bungalow with red Ferraris in the garage. Wait, what? You really thought I lived in hell? Why would I live in hell? Who lives in his office except Obama? I have a wonderful live in my bungalow, but hell is really boring. I have to go through the long list of sinners and filter out the different degrees of punishment, I think you'd like to know the degrees of punishment...read on!
Degree I
For the nerd who hacked his friend's account:
I give them a trunk of latest videogames but no console or computer.
For the musicaholic who promoted piracy:
10-100 hours of music they hate.
For the chocolate addict who stole a box of chocolate from his nephew:
A humongous box of Ferrero Rocher in a bulletproof glass case which is obviously locked and the keys are kept just out of reach of him/her.
Degree II
For the teacher who loved bullying the kids:
I make them write "I will not repeat the mistake in my next life" 10,000 times.
For the student who cheated in his board exams:
I make them study the part which they cheated, for each WORD, for 10...HOURS.
(As you can see, I hate cheaters)
I am stopping the list here because from degree III onwards it surpasses the amount of cruelty a human can read without getting his/her heart stop.
There is still 5000 years left within which I'll have your company, after that you're successor the Homo martians. Promise me one thing you won't make NASA read this or they'll plan on destroying Mars or Obama might as well think of establishing democracy there.
Well I've typing for a long time now and I'm due of filtering 10000 profiles and sorting them so I better wrap this up. Your life is short, really very mind bogglingly short, utilize every bit of it. Always be sceptic and ask questions, enlightenment does not come through serendipity. If ever you feel helpless and want my advice you don't have to draw a pentagram on the floor and sacrifice blood to me! I am always by the side of every human, ready to pounce on whenever they feel vulnerable and boost them up.
"The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality."
― Dante Alighieri, Inferno
Well yes, you read the title right, I'm Satan, the ruler of the underworld, the devil. I am mostly rendered as the evil mean person living and rotting in hell and growing old, sigh, I can't imagine how misunderstood I am. So in this text I'd try to tell my version of the story...
Before Big Bang, the moment the Universe was formed, there was only energy, mixture of dark and light energies. From the beginning of the Big Bang and until now people have been developing. The timeline of the universe is kind of something like this -
Act 1.The universe was created. (This was regarded as a bad move by quite a lot of people for quite a lot of time)
Act 2. God wanted to bestow HER (yes you people got it wrong for the whole time) love upon someone so She created man.
Act 3. God adorned men and women with Her insurmountable love. And people lived happily ever after.
But you must be thinking, "Happily ever after? Only a few can manage to be happy for a week let alone forever". The thing is that you are in the 'tiny' gap between Act 2 and Act 3. Well tiny to me and God.
I and God came into being just at the same time. Our relation has been overlooked and/or been misinterpreted by most of the authors. Actually I am God's brother and we share a cordial relationship. Astounding isn't it?
Now, people regret my existence right? I, Satan, the harbinger of devastation... Actually I am as important as God is in your life. We both are the part of the same plan. Confused right?
People always seek happiness, whether in form of love, power, possession or anything else. People just seek for it, but how many stops and looks back at what happiness he has? Consider this, last night you did not have to starve as you had a fulfilling dinner, and you're quite fortunate for it and this makes you happy. You are of course happy as you are not suffering from chronic migraine pain. But where you aware of this a few minutes back?
You have a lot of reasons to be happy but you are not aware of them as you take them for granted. Thus sometimes I come and show you yet another reason to be happy. Just after you recover from a cold you feel happy, when your hurt thumb recovers and you can do your chores without inducing pain, you become the happiest person. You can relate to it can't you?
Actually there's quite a lot of fault with the present human beings -
You don't ask enough tough questions. Instead, you watch TV. You eat. You gain weight, or obsess about staying thin. You complain. You read tabloids. You're fixated on celebrities, making idols of people that are every bit as lost and confused as you are, and probably more so.
You do as little as you can get away with. You wait around for things to change, or for someone to bail you out. But no one does because they are in the same boat.
You seek fulfilment from outside sources and get-rich-quick schemes. Or you work 70 hours a week to avoid facing reality-and your family. You worship money instead of searching for the truth. And all the while, you turn a blind eye to the suffering of others and a deaf ear to the cries of humanity.
Victimhood is the flag you fly. You believe that the universe has dealt you a lousy hand. You're convinced life is random, grossly unfair, and coldly indifferent to your pain and suffering.
People cloak themselves in these false and comforting assumptions and try to evade from reality.
This is gradually increasing from the 60's. The lyrics and slogans transformed from "Make love not war" to "Greed is good". And with the turn of millennia everything just quadrupled. Pessimism and cynicism grew out to become clichés.
When people would learn to value what he has and seek enlightenment, only then the Act 3 will come into stage.
Well yes, there's another thing I'd like to share with you, you may consider it as a mere alibi but trust me it's completely an airtight one. .I don't kill for fun or torture cause that gives me pleasure! I only punish those who deserve to be punished. The terrorists, murderers, rapists, I leave none of them. I make them suffer for every sin they have done. Have you ever heard that I've tortured a pure soul? NEVER.
I have always cared for people as much as my sister. Once I had an argument with her just for your sake. She did not plan to let you have the knowledge of what is good and what is bad. I went against my dearest sister and asked the serpent to guide Eve to the apple. It is because of me you possess the power of judgement (it is a shame that most of you rarely even put it to use!).
OK, I've criticized you a lot and I think if I utter another criticism you're going to stop reading which I really don't want because even the Devil gets finger ache due to continuous typing.
It is really cool to be Satan you know. Cool and Satan in the same sentence, it's a hell of an oxymoron. By the way did you notice the word hell? Ok yeah I should stop.
So as I was telling being Satan a.k.a. Lucifer is good. You get to live in a big sea facing bungalow with red Ferraris in the garage. Wait, what? You really thought I lived in hell? Why would I live in hell? Who lives in his office except Obama? I have a wonderful live in my bungalow, but hell is really boring. I have to go through the long list of sinners and filter out the different degrees of punishment, I think you'd like to know the degrees of punishment...read on!
Degree I
For the nerd who hacked his friend's account:
I give them a trunk of latest videogames but no console or computer.
For the musicaholic who promoted piracy:
10-100 hours of music they hate.
For the chocolate addict who stole a box of chocolate from his nephew:
A humongous box of Ferrero Rocher in a bulletproof glass case which is obviously locked and the keys are kept just out of reach of him/her.
Degree II
For the teacher who loved bullying the kids:
I make them write "I will not repeat the mistake in my next life" 10,000 times.
For the student who cheated in his board exams:
I make them study the part which they cheated, for each WORD, for 10...HOURS.
(As you can see, I hate cheaters)
I am stopping the list here because from degree III onwards it surpasses the amount of cruelty a human can read without getting his/her heart stop.
There is still 5000 years left within which I'll have your company, after that you're successor the Homo martians. Promise me one thing you won't make NASA read this or they'll plan on destroying Mars or Obama might as well think of establishing democracy there.
Well I've typing for a long time now and I'm due of filtering 10000 profiles and sorting them so I better wrap this up. Your life is short, really very mind bogglingly short, utilize every bit of it. Always be sceptic and ask questions, enlightenment does not come through serendipity. If ever you feel helpless and want my advice you don't have to draw a pentagram on the floor and sacrifice blood to me! I am always by the side of every human, ready to pounce on whenever they feel vulnerable and boost them up.
