Aphasia, impaired language development and articulation disorder Language Pathology

I am currently taking the pre-reqs for entrance into a SLP Master's program. In order to get into the pre-req pre-professional program I was required to write a statement of purpose. I will be applying to Master's programs soon and I was wondering if this statement is workable or should I go in another direction. This is the one I wrote to get into the pre-professional program. Any and all comments are appreciated.

My cousin Bill spends most of his time in a wheelchair now. His falls started to occur more frequently and his injuries became more serious. Bill, who suffers from Cerebral Palsy and a host of other physical and cognitive impairments, also has a severe speech impediment. But, he is one of the happiest people I know.

I graduated college in 2007 with a degree in Business Management. When I started college I had no idea what I wanted to do and thought that a business degree would, at least, open some doors into the business world. Since then I have worked in finance, sales and marketing. None of these positions have given me a sense of purpose. However, it was during this time I met a new neighbor who happened to be a Speech Pathologist.

We talked a lot about my cousin. She would explain to me about aphasia, impaired language development and articulation disorder. Kristen works in a couple of hospitals and rehabilitation centers and about a year or so ago suggested that I accompany her. It opened up a whole new world that I never knew existed and it was wonderful. The experience was both exciting and humbling. It was exciting because I saw the efforts her patients made. Yet it was humbling because I could never know what the patient was feeling. I have seen the complexity of the profession and also understand that sometimes there is a simple fix.

One of my brothers is a few years older than me and is a physician. We were discussing my decision to enter this profession and he told me that he, too, had a speech impediment when he was in grammar school and had difficulty with several tongue sounds. He could not remember if he was seeing a speech pathologist initially but he went for therapy for about year. He did remember that the school brought a new person in and that person, who he believes was a speech pathologist, recognized immediately that he suffered from tongue thrust. A simple trip to the dentist to have a gate installed in his mouth fixed the problem.

Over the next several months I plan to volunteer in as many different setting as I can. Right now, I think I would like to work with children but I do see the abundance of opportunity that is available for a speech pathologist.

Bill moved to Vancouver, Washington with his family a few years ago and we talk quite frequently by phone. I still do not understand half of the things he is trying to say but even now, he is one of the happiest people I know.

Hi!
I am also applying for a grad program in SLP. I read your essay and I liked it, but I have a few suggestions.

1. I love your introduction. However, your last sentence in that first paragraph is weak. I don't ever like to start a sentence with "but," and I certainly wouldn't want the last sentence of my first paragraph to begin that way. I might use "surprisingly" or "despite what some might think," or at least try "yet" or "however" before using "but."

2. In your 2nd-3rd paragraphs, you reference a simple "fix." While it is true that sometimes there is a simple fix in speech therapy, I'm not sure it's a very good point to be making. I would imagine that the graduate school wants to know that you are ready to take on any client- from the simple articulation disorders to full on acquired neurological disorders, such as with your cousin. If you are going to mention the simple fix, I think you should also mention your awareness of the extensive kind of rehabilitative therapy necessary for stroke and TBI victims.

3. I think your conclusion returning to your cousin's story is a bit too abrupt and also wanting for more detail. It is nice to have the congruity of beginning and ending with the same ideas, but you did little to elaborate on what the significance is about Bill's happiness. Why did you choose to point out how happy he is despite his speech problems? Is he happier with them than he would be without them? Is he happy now that he is better at communicating? Maybe it is not the best thing to say unless you have something more thought provoking to add to it.

I think If you were able to establish that Bill's quality of life was improved by an SLP or by therapy, and that it is inspirational to you...that would be a better way to include his story. Your conclusion should be more powerful - maybe you can say that you hope to be able to help people like your cousin?

Hope this helps! Good luck!