Explaining what is my motivation for being a Physician Assistant.

"Please explain what your motivation is for being a Physician Assistant."

The noise from the ventilator was loud enough to drown out a siren, so it seemed. Tubes everywhere, his eyes bile yellow, body swollen, lower extremities oozing, abdomen protruding. An entanglement, of some sort; a string is overlapping an oversized tongue, traveling across the body and dangling off of the foot of the bed by a weight. What on earth is that contraption? A multitude of terminology thrown around by the swarm of residents and physician assistants: ascites, gastrointestinal bleeding, esophageal bleeding, Hepatitis-C, renal failure, cirrhosis, dialysis, unsuccessful intervention, hemorrhage, and so on. I'm starring in disbelief, still out of breath from running up and down stairwells. Then the news is presented to me. "Your Father has only a few days left, if that. We are doing all that we can, I'm sorry." I'm watching him die, right down the hall from where I am training. No words. I should have been one of the practioners in that swarm. This was the spell-bounding event that solidified my motivation to pursue medicine, as a physician assistant.

I first encountered a Physician Assistant during my employment with Midatlantic Cardiovascular Associates. She was a kind, compassionate healthcare worker. She held a firm bond with the physicians, demonstrated professionalism, established strong relationships with patients, seemed full of knowledge, and appeared to be the perfect link between patient and physician. In a high volume cardiology practice, I noticed the PA followed up with patients in the office and consulted in the ER, while reporting back to the physician on the cases. She had the privilege of autonomy, yet the benefit of collaborating with a team. As an administrative assistant and in the early stages of my training to be a Nuclear Medicine Technologist, I found that intriguing. While working for the practice, I believed nuclear medicine would be an excellent career path, however, I did not feel it was my "dream job."

As I continued my education at Notre Dame of Maryland University and Johns Hopkins, I found myself enamored by what I was learning, but clearly unfulfilled. I worked full time during most of college, and continued to be interested in the Physician Assistant path. Though locked into a competitive program, I moved on feeling as if I'd merely settled for a career in nuclear medicine, rather than whole heartedly. It was as though I'd missed out on an opportunity to study a profession that seemed more fitting of me. I already possessed an unwavering commitment to patient care, professionalism, continual learning, interpersonal and communication skills, and demonstrated an investigatory and analytical-thinking approach to patient management. A PA program would improve my understanding of pathophysiology, differential diagnosis, surgical procedures, health promotion and disease prevention; all of which, I hungered to comprehend. For me, the PA profession is truly a dream job.

Since establishing close relationships with several Cardiologists, I had the benefit of shadowing outside of my specialty. I observed, and occasionally assisted with, transesophageal echocardiograms, neurology, lumbar punctures, cardiac catherizations, diagnostic sonography, CT with fluoroscopy, PET/CT animal research, and countless ED consultations. Comprehension of these tools is vital, as it ensures the ability of a PA to successfully improve patient health.

My current position as a CNMT, with Advanced Radiology, has exposed me to a wide array of conditions: brain death, hydronephrosis, thrombocytopenia, neuroblastoma, cholecystitis, pulmonary embolism, myocardial infarction, Paget's disease, and the list goes on. I've been a shoulder to cry on, counselor, educator, and life coach. I have found myself taken aback by the reactions I've received from patients. More often than not, the patient is presented with new disease findings by their physician, referred for diagnositics (where they meet me), and then that moment becomes their opportunity to just "release" the overwhelming emotions they've bottled up. This job has taught me to remain alert, quick-thinking, empathetic, and understand differences in communication between pediatric and adult patients. But most notably, it has deepened my desire to become a physician assistant. I want the ability to provide primary/specialty care to patients, and not be limited to performing diagnostics. I want to educate, consult, plan treatment, review test results, and follow up on patients. I want this for myself, but above all I want to give back to the world that has given me strength.

Unlike some people, I do not attribute my motivation to one event, rather a series. I watched my grandfather lose his battle with colorectal cancer in our home, I lost my life-long friend at the age of twenty to a fatal motor vehicle accident, and most devastating of all...I watched my Father live his final days in the ICU of the very institution where I was training. Instead of allowing these road blocks to suppress me, I accepted them as open doors. I learned to use them as fuel to plow through the fight to becoming a physician assistant. My family, and myself, have already made a commitment to this endeavor. If I am accepted into the program, I will dedicate my life to changing others'.

I focused on meaning when reading your essay. I think a slight issue that I experienced in reading it was finding the connection between each paragraph. Your first sentence in each paragraph should help make a smooth transition with regard to what you will be discussing next. There are minimal changes I suggested.

I really understand your passion to be a physician's assistant. I understand the health fields. Yet, I'm unsure if the opening paragraph is a bit too graphic. Also, there is a slight gap in your story. I was trying to understand your transition from describing your interest in nuclear medicine to continuing your education. I think you should first describe how you attended college and worked. You don't have to capitalize cardiologists. In your last paragraph, father should be lowercase. I think you could describe your roadblocks as hindering your goals. Since this is a motivation essay, you could discuss in the next sentence how this was motivation for you to become a PA. I'm unsure about this next sentence. Do you mean that you have family support to reach your dream?

Thanks so much for the detailed feedback; it's really important to me.
I am competing with 800-900 applicants and there are only 35 students that will be accepted. This can be quite a boring essay for admissions to read, and the essay can sound a bit cliche, so I want to capture the audience by being graphic early. I don't really feel like it's overly graphic, considering what actually happens in a hospital, though.

I need this to flow a lot better, as you pointed out. I'm trying to note the significant events that took place: working in healthcare, met a PA and college during, and dad passing in the middle of college. Would it provide clarity if I swap the second and third paragraph? I will work on transitioning. Material wise, I know what I want in the essay, but making it flow is killing me.

Yes, I was trying to say that my family supports me. I may cut out that tidbit, since it's confusing. ...During interviews, they tend to question why you didn't choose MD, instead of PA. I couldn't afford med school, but want to point out that I had support for PA school. I did not do this correctly. I may leave it out and if save it for discussion during the interview.

I would watch your tense as you are writing. If you are speaking in the past, you want to make sure you think about should I be using is or was. It is not uncommon to do this if you are writing a rough draft and speaking from the heart. I want to give you some helpful suggestions as well. I would make father lowercase in this essay. Also, remember to spell check. You are correct when you suggest that the two paragraphs should be switched. Here are my suggestions:

1. You could make a statement at the end of the first paragraph such as, "However, this was not the path I started on." You could phrase it different, but it is a suggestion that allows you to transition as if you are going to tell another story. This will explain how your path started with nuclear medicine and then you became interested in the PA career.

2. Now you should change the order of your paragraphs. I was thinking you should begin the paragraph with the second sentence that discusses how you worked while you were in college. You would infuse both sentences together to make a new paragraph. I am not going to quote your sentence directly. Here is how some of the infusion would read: "I worked full time during most of college and continued my education... where I became enamored..." You should end this paragraph with the sentence that ends with patient management. Your last two sentences in this paragraph will be moved to end the following paragraph. Don't delete these sentences!

3. I was thinking you could start the sentence with, "One day". I don't know a time frame that suggests when you encountered this PA. It's very broad, but if you think of a better transition you can add it.

4. The next paragraph you begin to discuss your current position. You could use a transition word (However, Yet) to open the paragraph. After Paget's disease I would put a comma and etc. I would suggest using a synonym for, "More often than not". You could use "Generally". When you discuss what your job has taught you, you should place the word "develop" before quick-thinking and "be" before empathetic. Finally, end the essay without an apostrophe.

Please read your essay again after you make changes and change the order. I hope you will like this new arrangement.

Hi, I would like to share this simple yet powerful tips on writing any types of essay from my lecturer: proof read your essay first after you finish writing it.

Highly appreciate your effort to describe your reasons of becoming a PA, however it you may consider the following flow:
- Introduction: what does working as a PA mean to you
- Content: your reasons/motivation in becoming a PA (may be more than one paragraph, one reason in each paragraph)
- Conclusion: rephrase the meaning of being a PA and what would you do if you can be one

Also, make a smooth transition between each paragraph to make the flow more understandable and anyone who reads it get your point directly. Use linking words at the beginning of each, such as firstly, secondly, the following reason, my next motivation, etc.

Good luck!

I rearranged the essay and feel it flows much smoother. I'm struggling with the transition sentence opening the newly arranged 4th paragraph and I need a replacement phrase for "deepened my desire," which is too cliche (in the same paragraph).

Here is the new arrangement. I may be reprimanded for posting it, considering this site's policy..

The noise from the ventilator was loud enough to drown out a siren, so it seemed. Tubes everywhere, his eyes bile yellow, body swollen, lower extremities oozing, abdomen protruding. An entanglement, of some sort; a string is overlapping an oversized tongue, traveling across the body and dangling off of the foot of the bed by a weight. What on earth is that contraption? A multitude of terminology thrown around by the swarm of residents and physician assistants: ascites, gastrointestinal bleeding, esophageal bleeding, Hepatitis-C, renal failure, cirrhosis, dialysis, unsuccessful intervention, hemorrhage, and so on. I'm starring in disbelief, still out of breath from running up and down stairwells. Then the news is presented to me. "Your father has only a few days left, if that. We are doing all that we can, I'm sorry." I'm watching him die, right down the hall from where I am training. No words. I should have been one of the practioners in that swarm. This was the spell-bounding event that solidified my motivation to pursue medicine, as a physician assistant. However, this was not the path I started on.

I worked full time during most of college, and continued my education at Notre Dame of Maryland University and Johns Hopkins, where I became enamored by what I was learning, but clearly unfulfilled. Though locked into a competitive program, I moved on feeling as if I'd merely settled for a career in nuclear medicine, rather than whole heartedly. It was as though I'd missed out on an opportunity to study a profession more fitting of me. I already possessed an unwavering commitment to patient care, professionalism, continual learning, interpersonal and communication skills, and demonstrated an investigatory and analytical-thinking approach to patient management.

Roughly two years into college and during employment with Midatlantic Cardiovascular Associates, I encountered a physician assistant. She was a kind, compassionate healthcare worker. She held a firm bond with the physicians, demonstrated professionalism, established strong relationships with patients, seemed full of knowledge, and appeared to be the perfect link between patient and physician. In a high volume cardiology practice, I noticed the PA followed up with patients in the office and consulted in the ER, while reporting back to the physician on the cases. She had the privilege of autonomy, yet the benefit of collaborating with a team. As an administrative assistant and in the early stages of my training to be a Nuclear Medicine Technologist, I found that intriguing. While working for the practice, I believed nuclear medicine would be an excellent career path, however, I did not feel it was my "dream job."

My current position as a CNMT, with Advanced Radiology, has exposed me to a wide array of conditions: hydronephrosis, thrombocytopenia, neuroblastoma, cholecystitis, pulmonary embolism, myocardial infarction, Paget's disease, and etc. I've been a shoulder to cry on, counselor, educator, and life coach. I have found myself taken aback by the reactions I've received from patients. Generally, the patient is presented with new disease findings by their physician, referred for diagnostics (where they meet me), and then that moment becomes their opportunity to "release" the overwhelming emotions they've bottled up. This job has taught me to remain alert, develop quick-thinking, be empathetic, and understand differences in communication between pediatric and adult patients. But most notably, it has deepened my desire to become a physician assistant. I want the ability to provide primary/specialty care to patients, and not be limited to performing diagnostics. I want to educate, consult, plan treatment, review test results, and follow up on patients. I want this for myself, but above all I want to give back to the world that has given me strength.

Since establishing close relationships with several Cardiologists, I had the benefit of shadowing outside of my specialty. I observed, and occasionally assisted with, transesophageal echocardiograms, neurology, lumbar punctures, cardiac catherizations, diagnostic sonography, CT with fluoroscopy, PET/CT animal research, and countless ED consultations. Comprehension of these tools is vital, as it ensures the ability of a PA to successfully improve patient health. A PA program would improve my understanding of pathophysiology, differential diagnosis, surgical procedures, health promotion and disease prevention; all of which, I hunger to comprehend. For me, the PA profession is truly a dream job.

Unlike some people, I do not attribute my motivation to one event, rather a series. I watched my grandfather lose his battle with colorectal cancer in our home, I lost my life-long friend at the age of twenty to a fatal motor vehicle accident, and most devastating of all...I watched my father live his final days in the ICU of the very institution where I was training. Instead of allowing these roadblocks to hinder my goals, I accepted them as open doors. I learned to use them as fuel to plow through the fight to becoming a physician assistant. Successful completion of a previous program in medicine, a solid background in healthcare, innate traits of empathy, motivation, and defining moments in life have prepared me for the challenges the physician assistant program has to offer.