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"illiterate parents" -my PERSONAL STATEMENT for a MSc in Management at Bath Univ



a 100 hills 3 / 10  
Apr 26, 2010   #1
Born to poor illiterate parents from different refugee camps and being the eldest in a family of eight, life was always a challenge. With zero resources to our family, I have had to learn from very early on to manage everything in my life; from finding a balance between my personal school demands to taking care of my family's needs. My passion for management was born out necessity. However, in our age of a highly competitive global economy, pursuing a course with clear future goals is a smarter choice. I am looking for a course that will enable me to better plan my career by giving me the necessary skills and knowledge that employers require. I believe that besides passion, hard work and motivation, a very good training that an MSc in Management gives in the subject is essential for anyone wishing to gain positions in both the industry and a career in academia. Since the curriculum offered by your university is designed to build on each student's capabilities, I am confident that I will both grow from and give back to the program.

Having to occasionally stop school to look for work to support my family never distracted me from striving for and earning scholarships in some of the top ranked institutions in the country right from my primary school through University. My desire and love to learn more about management led me to focus on history, economics and geography in High School where I graduated among the top 10 in the country. While at the university, I opted for a degree in Information Technology Applications in Management (BITAM) because I believe that adaptability, creative thinking and the application of technology are now intrinsic to managing businesses. Throughout my secondary and university life, I held numerous positions both in school and within the local community that nurtured my leadership qualities and put my management knowledge to good and practical test. I have attended seminars, workshops and consulted both from libraries and over the internet on management. I have also talked to leading professional expatriates from varying management fields working in my country.

My short work experience has been diverse and challenging. I have worked as a supervisor at an International airport terminal, a sales representative and as a marketing manager. I have been part of a World Bank research/ survey team and numerous international NGO monitored research programs. I have worked with International NGO's run programs and I am currently employed by an International company that specials in IT education management solutions. While at the university, I did a lot of volunteer work with genocide survivors, poor farmers, street kids, women and children living with ideas. Am also a columnist, publishing at least two management related articles per week with my local English newspaper. With my varied interests in research, leadership and management, I believe that I possess some positive qualifications, which will be helpful in my chosen field of study.

The MSc in Management program has a full range of business and management disciplines that I need to understand how business functions and the complex organizational issues that managers encounter. The programs' core modules such as Business economics, Human-Resource Management, Organization and career development, Strategic Management Accounting and Marketing will equip me ideally for entry into a wide range of graduate management positions by enabling me to absorb and make sense of new areas quickly and effectively - vital skills in the context of ever shifting management demands.

Because of the wide range of management roles and overall academic excellence your postgraduate program offers, it's my strongest belief that I will greatly benefit from the opportunities for intellectual and practical development provided by a sustained period of graduate study. It is my belief that a stronger education will help me to truly succeed in both the academia and industry by diminishing my shortcomings and improving my talents.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Apr 28, 2010   #2
I like this essay a lot...

I think you should add a sentence after this sentence:
My passion for management was born out necessity. (add a sentence that cn be your thesis statement, the thing that expresses the central meaning of the essay)

Then, end the first paragraph and start a new one:

However In our age of a highly competitive global economy, pursuing a course with clear future goals is a smarter choice.

I think that will help the reader to discern the central idea of the essay -- and it is important to be able to clearly express the main, memorable sentence that tells the central meaning of the essay.

This stuff is too vague. It is a nicely written description, but it does not express your important plan, your vision for the future.
he programs' core modules such as Business economics, Human-Resource Management, Organization and career development, Strategic Management Accounting and Marketing will equip me ideally for entry into a wide range ... shifting management demands. --- if you have a clear plan for what you intend to do in management, you can talk about these in relation to your vision for the future. If you don't talk in terms of your vision, the essay is just like a brochure for their school.

:-)
OP a 100 hills 3 / 10  
May 3, 2010   #3
Thanks Kevin. Really appreciate.

Quick question:

Is it wrong for the Personal Statement and the scholarship essay to have some similar details, especially if the scholarship scheme is by the same Uni?

Kind regards
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
May 4, 2010   #4
Well, yes, that means you have "room for improvement." Make it so that the reader learns one impressive detail after another. If some details are particularly impressive, refer to it more than once, but not too much. Create a great experience for the reader! :-)


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