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Is it a good Haiku example (a frantic spider)?


hermionegranger 1 / -  
Jan 24, 2011   #1
Hi can you tell me if this is a good haiku?

a frantic spider
scuttles across the sand
Angry waves claim it
hgrierson 8 / 11  
Jan 27, 2011   #2
It's a good poem and has a solid theme, but you don't have enough syllables in the middle. It's only 6 - you need 7.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 27, 2011   #3
It is excellent... very, very good stuff. But you are missing a syllable in that second line. Rework it! I really like the last line.

I always remember this haiku for some reason: Suna hama ni/ ashi ato nagaki/ haru hi kana

It means "A summer day/ a long nine of footprints/ on a sandy beach

I may be getting it a little wrong. Anyway, it is great, like yours, because it shows a scene the suchness of which you can appreciate in a moment of stillness.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 27, 2011   #4
Wow.. I really like that last line the more I look at it. You are great... Angry waves claim it.... that is perfect.


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