SENTENCES GRAMMATICALLY AND CONTEXTUALLY CORRECT?

1. My thirst for pursing an MS from your University has led me to relinquish, the various Job offers that I received from several Multinational Indian IT firms

2. My sincere efforts put into the presentation of a paper on 'Wxxw' at Credenz-11 held by IEEE at xx, were highly appreciated.

3.his matches my current research interests and, under his expertise, I would want to continue my work in this direction.

4.Hence, I yearn to become an active and contributing member of the student community in your University and begin my professional life with the advantage of an MS from 'Nxxy', which will finally allow me to achieve my dreams, and set an example for prospective students, by demonstrating that nothing is impossible if you have the tenacity to persevere.

REPLY PPL

I don't know if abbreviations("MS" and"IT") are really acceptable. You should probably use full words.
I do not understand the sentence 2. what is "xx", "credenz"...
3rd sentence I think that should be "He's matches..." also "I will want..." not would
Elaborate on how your going to be an active and contributing member of the community

Yes, i second Koolz. The 3rd one is misleading. Either it should be "he matches" which is don't think you mean to write, Or it should be "His ____ matches". There is gotta be something in the blank.

I hope it helped.

Good luck.

context, i understand what you're trying to say.
grammatically, i second menukagrg.
Your fourth sentence is too long, it's a run on.

Hence, I yearn to become an active and contributing member of the student community in your University.I'd like to begin my professional life with the advantage of an MS maybe specify what your masters is in? from 'Nxxy', which will finally allow me to achieve my dreams, and set an example for prospective students, by demonstrating that nothing is impossible if you have the tenacity to persevere.

My question for your fourth sentence is, why do you need to set an example for prospective students? I'm not sure...