Writing Feedback / An attempt on IELTS writing for differences on politeness between generations [5]

Dear all, please help to let me know if the below able to get band score 5 or above (or below) on IELTS standard, thanks in advance!

Relations between generations in today's world

Nowadays some children are showing less respect to adults than in the past. What cause this problem? What can be done?

In recent years there is trend showing that more children show less or even no respection to the adults then before. This essay will discuss the reason behind as well as the possible solutions to the issue.

The reason behind impolite children could be vary. Some suggested that it was caused by the failure of an education system. For instance in Hong Kong, students are graded by their academic result, hence they are taught to pursuit for the higher score on different subjects with regardless to learn on how to show their care and respect to others.

Others claimed that is the outcome of ignorance or even mis-conduct of the offspring's parents. It is common to see in the Hong Kong family that the domestic helper is the only one who would be able to spend most time with the kids in the family as their parent's time are all occupied by their full-time job.

Children also a good and quick leaner by observing and repeating on what their parents do. So if their parents show no respecting to the others such as the domestic helper, so do their offspring.

To deal with the saturation, the parents themselves should always remind themselves to avoid acting and mis-conduct that they do not want their kids to follow. They also need to spend much time with their children thus kids get more chance to learn from their parents.