Undergraduate /
A Conversation with Myself: Our Life. Common Application Main Essay. [18]
Please tell me what you think? You are doing me a great favor been harsh on this essay. Thank You in advance.
Prompt: I was thinking of writing
"Indicate a pearson who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence." But I'm not sure if that satisfied at all. Please tell me what you think.
What if it's a topic of my choice? Would this essay work or do I have to add or delete something.
A Conversation with Myself: Our Life.
My Scattered Thoughts: Our Life.
"I fight, I drink, I smoke, I went to first grade for three years but still don't know how to write my name." What future can this man have? Or is there even future for him? What can a man like him possibly contribute to his family? But this man gave his family more than everything a family could ever ask for. He was not only a great son, but also a great brother, a great husband and a great dad. He gave me everything, including a great life.
At age one through seven, I lived in a house no larger than the size of an ordinary classroom. But we were still happy; there was my mom, my brother, and there was my dad. My dad was always busy with his business, so we rarely saw him. But he would always be there for us when we needed him. If my brother and I did something wrong, he would always be there to protect us from my mother's wooden whip. We would always get what we asked for.
At age seven, my father succeeded. He became one of the most successful businessman in our little island. He paid all the debt my grandparents owned. Even though he knew he might never get these money back; he loaned money to all relatives asking for help with no interest. But my mother was not there to share the success for long, she died soon after. My father didn't start a new family when he could have, but kept working hard to support my mother's family and us.
Age eight we were sent to a school with great reputation. But the school didn't live up to its reputation; there were sex, smoking, drinking, and fighting- even teacher got injured.
Age thirteen, we emigrated to America pursuing education. The first stop was Pennsylvania, then New York, then we finally settled down in Virginia. My dad rent an house there for us, then he had to go back to China. Though life was not easy in this new country, we made it. I met some great people there.
Age sixteen, we were on the move again, this time the destination was New Jersey. Again, a new house, he had to go.
Age seventeen, I went to (school name).
Now, I'm a senior now. I will graduate from (school name).
Where will I be next year, I do not know.
Some might not see a great future for the children who were constantly on the move and lived on their own. They might thought they would stray off somewhere on the line. But I see a great future lies ahead of me if I'm willing to work hard for it, though, I would not say we never stray off somewhere on the line. There were times I got tired, and gave up pursuing the knowledge we longed for, but nevertheless, I got back on the track and made pretty far with my education. Even though my dad was rarely with us, he would always be an important part of our life. My ambitious goal is if not as great as him but to surpass him.
Thank You for you time.
-QM