Writing Feedback / Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? [5]


Complete the basis of your opinion. State the 2 supporting subjects of the reasoning paragraphs. Do not forget that this is a single opinion essay and the majority of your final score will be based upon how well you structure your first paragraph. Work on the quality of your reasoning presentation along with an accurate prompt restatement.


This is an overly and often misused cliche in the English language that you are often using / repeating in this essay. Try to be more direct in your presentation. Since this simply means "at present", then say it that way. You do not get additional points for using cliche's in the language.

Your essay will fail because you did not support your point of view in the reasoning paragraphs. You contradicted your own opinion in the 2nd paragraph, which means you are not certain that your opinion is something you can personally support.

Undergraduate / Learning My Limits (College Essay) [4]

Okay, this is an essay based on self-reflection. Using quotations from Theodore and Franklin Roosevelt will be considered cop-outs by the reviewer, who is looking for personal insight from you rather than an explanation based on other people's words. While their words may resonate with you, it is not a good descriptor for what you are actually going through. Their words will probably cover only 75% of what the reality of your situation was.

You glossed over the most important aspect of this discussion which is the results of your over reaching and lack of time management skills. Since you are looking to engage yourself in a double major for college, you need to show that you are capable of pulling out of a downward trend, which will probably happen in a double major course, and that you are capable of finishing the course within the given time frame for each course. Focus on how you understood the situation, the results of your actions, and the repair that you applied. Don't rely on the inspiration from other sources to insinuate that you dealt with the situation successfully. Show that you actually did it.

Writing Feedback / Many foods are shipped from far away. Some people think that eating local food is more environmental [2]


There is no issue of controversy being presented in the original prompt. The examiner will deduct points for exaggerated statements that alter the original sentiment or emotions of the discussion topic. This was only an idea that was presented. It should be presented as an idea in the restatement, in a calm and logical, rather than in an argumentative manner.


This is the basis of your reasoning paragraphs. As such, this is the singular opinion that you are required to show as correct in the 2 reasoning paragraphs. You can use the current discussion format you have for the reasoning paragraphs. Only the opinion that supports your given point of view will receive scoring consideration. The essay will then receive a non passing score due to the under development of your idea. The unsupported reason will not be given any scoring credentials.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays some consumers are much less influenced by advertising than in the past. What do you think [2]

One of the main requirements of the task 2 first paragraph is that the writer is expected to present a clear opinion regarding the given discussion questions in the original prompt. The writer is to show a logical thought process that would lead him into displaying his point of view, that he will then go on to expand into developed paragraph discussions over 2 reasoning and paragraph presentation sections. That said, it is important that the writer present actual discussion points in this section instead of merely repeating the talking points of the original prompt. By not indicating quick responses to the questions, the writer will be deemed to not have a clear opinion, due to the lack of a thesis statement, causing that paragraph to fail in the preliminary scoring section.


You are merely repeating the discussion focus at this point. It will not add to your points. You need to use a proper subject anchor in relation to the first discussion question presented. You only have 40 minutes to write this essay so do not waste it by using word fillers. It might cause you to miss the writing deadline.

This is a 2 reasoning paragraph essay. There is no reason to use 3 paragraphs in the presentation. Task 2 essays are always written with only 2 reasoning paragraphs, regardless of the writing instruction. You are running the risk of failing this test by over writing it. From what I have read, you are already going to fail in 2 aspects, the TA and LR sections, because you are not focused on the development of a quality discussion presentation. You are focused on the word count, which normally results in a failing score in the end.

Undergraduate / To become an engineering student - GKStaking the track of University track [2]

You are applying under the university track of the GKS scholarship, making your application process more cut throat than if you had applied under the embassy track. Each university is only allotted a small number of admissions by the program because majority of the students apply via embassy track. You did not touch on the reasons why you chose the university you are applying to in this essay. Where is the parallelism between your academic foundation and the future school? What makes you say that you are prepared to attend this university? Where is the strong evidence that you are academically gifted and deserve a spot in the Engineering department of the school? The essay does not focus properly on the university track additional requirements. Your discussion about language is good but does not belong in this essay because there is a language study plan when that should be discussed in detail.

Writing Feedback / There is a problem on the road outside your house. Write a letter to your local councillor. [2]

You need to write a longer letter for this task 1 essay. You only have 149 words. Try to aim for 175 - 200 words. That way you will have a fully developed letter for your local councilor to consider. Your opening statement is not a very good introduction. You should remember to use paragraphs that have at least 3 sentences each. You do not follow the task presentation format as required. The sentences are not well developed or misleading in representation. For example:


Since portholes are in the middle of the road, it should be causing cars to fall into the holes, not people. People can only fall into holes on the sidewalk, where people are expected to be in the street.


This idea is not developed at all in the presentation.

The overall letter is just not well brain stormed and written. It is not the kind of task 1 letter that would receive a passing score. Specially since it is also under the minimum word count at 149 words only.

Undergraduate / Finance and Business - UT Austin Transfer essay/Statement of Purpose [3]

The statement of purpose is not really clear on the basis of your dream to become an investment banker. The foundation of your interest sounds really generic and could use a little more relevant information with regards to your early exposure to investment banking and why you were attracted to it. The information you provide should add value to the purpose of your transfer, which it does not at this point. Consider beefing up the information that you are sharing regarding your experience at the equity firm. That should be the foundation of the essay. Your evolution should stem from that experience. Better explain why you did not pursue a course related to investment banking at the start. That would be the extenuating circumstance that the prompt is looking for. Use a deeper reasons for the basis of your return to the investment banking career path. Jaw surgery is not exactly something that could lead to an investment banking career. You need to be more introspective when it comes to those aspects.

Undergraduate / Perfectly Imperfect - personal statement | International Relations [4]

Well, this is an insightful personal statement when one considers that it is an introspective presentation. You learned a lot about yourself in comparison to societal expectations and what your actual abilities are. This introduces you to the reviewer in a somewhat deep manner. Somewhat deep because you still held back from discussing certain instances that would have allowed him to see even deeper into your background.

The reviewer can sense that you are holding back certain information perhaps for societal reasons. He won't mind. I am unable to go beyond this superficial review of your paper because you did not present the prompt that you are responding to. I am not sure if it aligns with the prompt and if there are areas for improvement. I need the prompt if you want a deeper review. By the way, your word usage is sometimes incorrect. You would do well to have this essay proofread by a professional before you use it with your application.

Writing Feedback / Government's interference with human rights [2]

Kindly remember to clearly format your essay presentation based upon the regular expectation of the examiner. Each task 2 essay must be presented within 4 discussion paragraphs and clearly separated by a space in-between each paragraph. Failure to do so will severely lower your TA score regardless of the word count.


This sentence is not on topic. You must mention that the government might opt to restrict certain human rights during certain imperative instances.

The summary conclusion is only covered by 34 words. There is a 40 word minimum requirement for that paragraph. While you did write 2 sentences as expected, it is important that you meet the word count requirement as well or risk receiving a failing score for that paragraph. You could have achieved more than the word count in that section had you written a quick reference to the reasoning subjects that you presented in the previous paragraphs. It would have complete the recap requirement of the paragraph.

Writing Feedback / The graph below shows the amount of money spent on books in Germany, France, Italy and Austria [4]

I congratulate you on writing more than just the minimum word count in your essay. That is not to say that the analytical essay was successfully written though. At this point, all you did was avoid failing to writing test based on the word count technicality. The formatting is still all wrong and the sentences are badly formed, endangering your TA and GRA scores in the process. Please remember that the task 1 essay should have at least 3 paragraphs written and clearly separated by pressing the enter key on your laptop/PC/mobile device. The way the essay looks now, it is just one long paragraph, which will negatively affect your final score. Clearly separate your paragraphs so that the examiner will immediately see that you wrote at least 3 sentences for every paragraph. That way you will have a better scoring assessment when he previews your presentation.

Essays / Requesting Advice on the Flow and Structure of My Essay [2]

It is always a struggle to write essays. Each topic and writing style has a different focus which makes it hard for any student to create the best essay that he can. I commend you for your desire to produce the best paper that you can for your class. However, I cannot advise you regarding the questions you have posed until I have read at least a redacted version of your essay. There is no website that can help you improve your writing based on the manner you have indicated. I cannot offer examples of how to improve your writing unless I review your writing skills first. I hope you understand. These are the necessary requirements I need from you so that I can properly guide your writing and presentation improvements.

Scholarship / God's plan for me - Gks undergraduate personal statement for medicine [2]

Remove the reference to medical television shows as inspiration for your desire to become a doctor. Reviewers prefer that you do not include fictional medicine accounts in that discussion because you will be disappointed when you begin studying and it turns out to be far different from the TV show. Students whose foundation are television shows normally quite the program even before they reach the middle of it.

Your grammar in the essay needs a lot of editing work. I realize English is your second language so there is a tendency for you to not express yourself clearly in the paragraphs. Try to work with an editor who can help you do that. We actually offer private editing of essays for a fee. Inquiries about that service may be coursed through my email address below.

Kindly review the writing guide again.There are several necessary information presentation sections that are not provided in your current essay. Kindly make sure to highlight all of the required information in your revised paper.

Graduate / Personal statement for non degree study at Hunter College School of Education [3]

Since this is a personal statement, you can go beyond just your future plans or present skills requirement. It is possible for you to discuss your experience as an educator at this point and the pitfalls that you have experienced during the teaching sessions which led to your desire to pursue this course of study. Convince the reviewer that you have a solid professional and academic foundation that relates to the study you have chosen to pursue. It will help make your future plans more believable and understandable to the the reviewers. Your idealism is admirable and your plans for the future are good. However, without the tie up with your previous experiences or background, the question becomes do you have the foundation with which to complete the course?

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Today children spend much time playing computer games and less time on sports. [2]

The last 2 sentences in the first paragraph do not meet the task accuracy requirements of the essay. Since that paragraph is the foundation of the full discussion, you are expected to represent quick and short responses to the given writing questions. You should have provided the 2 reasons you will be discussing and also, created a stand alone sentence for your personal point of view on the topic. These subjects should not have been mixed in a run on sentence format. The paraphrasing + writer's opinion is not going to receive a passing score due to the missing elements in its presentation.


I am not sure what depression has to do with the discussion. That is a totally separate and unrelated topic. Perhaps you could have mentioned being tired or exhausted instead. That would be more appropriate for the discussion. Additionally, the last topic you mentioned was not as developed as the other sections of the paragraph. That under developed presentation will lower the potential preliminary scoring consideration for that section. It will be best if you always use only 2 related topics. That way the paragraph will be seen as fully developed each time.

The concluding summary should follow the prescribed format of 2 sentences composed of at least 40 words. It should not be presented as a single run-on sentence. You still need to meet paragraphing requirements in that section.

Research Papers / Quality Communication Can Improve Patient-Centered Health Outcomes Among Older Adults [2]

It is not customary for a research paper to begin by immediately presenting researched information in the introductory paragraph. Rather, the first paragraph is always used to help the reader understand why the writer chose to do a paper about that topic, the reasons behind his choice, and what the premise of the research paper, plus an overview of the possible outcome or solution might be. It must not be an immediate presentation of information. The introduction and thesis statement will set the tone for the rest of the presentation.

The current first paragraph is heavily reliant on the information coming from other sources, but does not make any room for an insight from the writer. The paragraphs of information cannot simply contain the thoughts of others, the point of view of the writer regarding this information and its applicability to his own thoughts are just as important as the sources of information. The paragraph must never be an open ended presentation that hangs on information citation.

The conclusion is quite weak as it does not accurately wrap up the discussion. It is almost as if the writer just decided to end the paper there without any regard for the final outcome or explanation of the preceding information and statements. That should be improved upon in the revision.

Writing Feedback / People believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn and should not pay tax [2]


This does not add clarity to your writer's opinion. Since you already gave the correct measured response in your presentation, you should follow it up with the correct summary of reasons that you will be presenting in your discussion paragraphs. These will comprise the expected thesis presentation for your opinion. Remember, it is important to give an overview of the succeeding discussions in the first paragraph so you can pick up the most points in the preliminary scoring section.


The term consequence denotes something negative. You need to change that to a positive since you are defending your point of view as the correct one. Avoid the use of negative words to support your opinion. You could lose points in the LR, GRA, and C+C sections.

Follow the correct spacing for your paragraphs. Always place at least one space between paragraphs to show where one paragraph ends and the next one begins.

Scholarship / Managing the internship program - CHEVENING - LEADERSHIP & INFLUENCE SKILLS [5]

This is not a leadership essay in the manner that Chevening is looking for. The role you undertook was mostly that of a mentor and guide. A trainer in other words. That cannot be used to exemplify leadership in the workplace as those are 2 different scenarios / situations. Notice that you did not really do any leading during those months. You were offering guidance and instructions instead. While those may be considered a small part of leadership, it does not exemplify how you actually lead in a workplace when you are faced with difficult scenarios or the need to grow your leadership abilities on the fly. It is important that you come up with a more relevant leadership experience that does not focus only on mentoring abilities.

Writing Feedback / Average carbon dioxide emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy, Portugal [2]

Avoid the use of run-on sentences in all the paragraphs you will be writing. Your summary overview should be composed of 2-3 sentences at all times. Do not include all possible information in one sentence. That is considered a run-on presentation. A run-on sentence will be confusing to the reader. It will be difficult to keep track of the information you are presenting. Keep the sentences basic. One idea per sentence works very well in a task 1 essay. This is a problem that also exists in your trending paragraph. Correct this significant error during your next practice essay.


Make it easier for the reader to keep track of this type of information. Always connect it to the source country or material. That way the information is grouped and will avoid confusing the examiner as he reads your paper.

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1: The percentage of Australian men and women did regular physical activity [2]

You have over written this task. The task 1 essay should not be more than 150-200 words. That is the word range that you should aim for to complete the task within 20 minutes. You need to make sure that you do not go over the 20 minute reference point when writing because going over that number indicates that you will fall short of the allotted writing time for the task 2 essay. You have to remember that nobody will be timing you during the test. You are expected to know how to write both tasks within the 1 hour time frame. Writing such a long task 1 essay will not be to your benefit. Aim to be more concise in your information presentation. Use less words for more information. Do not turn this into a vocabulary exercise. That will not get you a higher score. It will only open you up to more writing errors that the examiner will easily detect.

Undergraduate / Second Language a Commitment - Essay Assignment [3]

The second paragraph in relation to Gym Bros totally removed the focus from the language learning aspect of the essay. It was too soon to introduce that topic. You altered the focus of the reader, who then became confused when the discussion suddenly went back to language learning. Focus on properly setting up the main topic before you proceed with introducing a supporting topic. You can more effectively introduce this as the 4th or 5th paragraph in the essay.


Who is he and why should the reader consider him an authority on a particular topic? Never just cite an information source, predicate the information on his authoritative background first.


I am not sure what you mean here. Gower? Owner? Waiter? Are you also an English 2nd language learner? If that is the case, then you need to be very careful with your word usage. Make sure to review and edit the content of your essay for grammatical errors. You will find several mistakes that affect the clarity of your presentation.

Undergraduate / college app essay about my mom's battle with cancer [2]

What you went through does not qualify as an obstacle, challenge, setback, or failure. This is a personal tragedy that would fall better under the prompt related to you telling a story about yourself that you feel would complete your presentation. The way the story is told in this essay, from your childhood, to your most recent high school mindset does not offer an insight as to how you handle an obstacle and the lessons that you learned from it. At this point, you have 2 options. The first option, is to write a new essay that singularly focuses on your development from a particular setback. The other, is to use this essay, but using the aforementioned prompt instead. That would save you rewriting time. The choice is yours to make.

Undergraduate / A gap year that created Lexibridge [2]

Unfortunately, you cannot end this essay because you have not even completed a draft version. Your ideas are good, but not properly developed. There is a lack of focus in the presentation. Your experiences should be given individual paragraphs that you could develop into a coherent and cohesive essay presentation. A gap year is all about the learning experience and activities that allowed you to develop socially, emotionally, and morally. Think about those aspects as you redraft your essay. By focusing on the topics of importance, you will find that it will be easier for you to tell a coherent story. The ending of the essay will more than likely write itself when you approach writing it from that angle.

Writing Feedback / The benefits of working and learning from home [2]

While your essay falls within the word requirement for a 40 minute task, your response is totally incorrect for the essay. you are being asked to represent a single opinion. Either it is a positive or a negative development. A single response for a single opinion essay. Your presentation does not respond to the given prompt. Therefore, your task accuracy score will be a failing one. It will be difficult for you to get a passing score for this essay when you showed that you were incapable of following the writing instructions as provided in the writing prompt/ guide. The overall response is incorrect since you are defending both sides instead of only one opinion. You clearly do not have a valid opinion even though you tried to provide one in your writer's opinion. That is because you tried to discuss both sides as valid when only one side should carry a valid 2 reasons explanation.

Writing Feedback / COMPUTERS ARE OFTEN ARGUED TO BE THE MOST IMPORTANT INVENTION OF THE LAST HUNDRED YEARS [2]

The essay fails to respond to the given discussion prompt. The writer's opinion is incorrectly formatted. The response should have used the measured response for the presentation. The format for the response should be emotional and therefore measured. Some measured responses include "strongly, partially, totally, emphatically". These are the keywords that the examiner will look for when gauging the appropriateness of your response and the accuracy of your answer in terms of the expected response format. While you will get a score for the 2 connected reasoning paragraphs, your lack of proper directional response will reduce the possible score of the essay. Rather than getting a high score, you might only receive an acceptable score for this type of presentation.

Letters / Letter of Motivation for M.Sc Data Science Germany. [2]

This does not come across as a motivational letter. It will be seen mostly as an essay form of your transcript of records or resume instead. There is no clear motivation in the essay that would directly tie your plans for a future career with the studies offered by the masters program. In order for a motivational letter to be effective, you have to present 3 sets of motivational information:

1. Your professional status at the moment and why you feel that you need to gain additional training.
2. Why you feel that Germany stands out in terms of accomplishments in Data Science. You have you ensure that you can tie in your academic goals with the reasons you will be stating.
3. How will studying in Germany help you build your future career either via professional networking or, through social growth and development.

Addressing these concerns should help improve your letter of motivation.

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 1: the water usage [2]

Formatting is the main problem that I see with this essay. A task 1 essay should be composed of 3 to 4 paragraphs. This is a compressed presentation that does not have dividing spaces between paragraphs. So the examiner may decide to consider this as a single paragraph instead, leading to an automatic failing score due to non format compliance in your response. It is faulty when it comes to meeting the TA requirements.

Try to create a more comprehensive summary overview for your presentation. Focus on the quick information sharing like the comparison sources, the information for comparison, the measurement standard, among others. The trending statement is acceptable in this case.

It is important that you also meet the 3 sentence minimum requirement for each paragraph to give yourself a better chance of scoring highly in the C+C section. Try to use individual sentences per idea to meet this requirement.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays public transport prices are constantly increasing. Why do you think this is happening? [2]

The essay does not meet the minimum 250 word count requirement. At 207 words, the deductions that will be applied to the preliminary score based on the word count would lead this essay to receive an automatic failing score, regardless of the scores that you receive for the other scoring sections. Always remember that there are 2 aspects to reviewing your essay for scoring. The preliminary score, which is applied to the TA section, then the other sections, which is applied to the essay in real time. Therefore, it is important to ensure that your TA score will receive at least a 50% favorable preliminary score. That will help you achieve a passing score in the end.

Scholarship / Feminism and Empowerment - scholarship requirement, your own leadership examples [3]

I am guessing that you are writing this leadership essay as a part of your Chevening scholarship application. Sad to say, this essay misses the mark in more ways than one. A leadership essay, regardless of whether it is written for Chevening or any other scholarship program, requires you to use professional leadership rather than academic leadership examples. That is because a masters degree application should highlight your ability to lead a team, decide within reason, and perform as expected, regardless of the situation that you are facing. The more complex and demanding the decision making of the situation, the more it will be able to highlight your leadership abilities to a shining level. Try to change your essay using a professional setting instead. It will be more helpful to your application.

Writing Feedback / In today's competitive world, many families need both parents to go out to work [2]

You have written an essay with over 500 words. This cannot be completed during an actual task 2 test. Your main problem will be that it will become an open ended essay, without a proper concluding summary. You have to work within 40 minutes. Keep it to 300 words. Do not overwrite. You are not scored on the number of words. The quicker you can discuss the topic, the better for you. 4 paragraphs, with 5 sentences each will help you achieve the sweet spot of 300 words. Do not overwrite. You open yourself up to more GRA, LRA, and C+C deductions when you focus on the number of words rather than the quality of your writing. As long as you write an understandable point of view, you will get a fair score for your essay.

Letters / Bachelor in Psychology - MOTIVATION LETTER ERASMUS MUNDUS (applying again) [2]

The essay covers only the reasons you are interested in the program and the foundation of that interest (unnecessary information). There is no solid evidence of your participation in related fields.

For the idea behind your masters course, you should be discussing your possible thesis and why it relates to the offerings of this program. Relate it to a real situation in your country you hope to address. That should be a lengthy explanation.

I do not really see any explanation as to what you expect to learn from the course. It is not there. Not even a tinge. You need to get on track with the relationship between your academic expectations and the course curriculum. Discuss the related ones. I am worried because you were not able to present any related research, or professional interests of note. Mentioning the professor from the university does not count towards that discussion.

Writing Feedback / The map below show a conference centre as it now, and plans for its development. [2]

The essay should meet the 150 minimum word count to avoid any word shortage penalties that could lead to a failing score. The essay is not developed enough to warrant a passing C+C score so there will be a clear problem in achieving a passing mark. You are going to suffer heavy point deductions for not meeting the word count starting point. Extend your summary overview to include more information. Write more sentences. Have at least 3 sentences per paragraph to meet the word requirement. Do everything that you can to meet the minimum word count within 20 minutes so that your final score will not be affected by word count deductions during the final scoring consideration. Be more descriptive and analytical in your presentation.

Undergraduate / Chat with friends - lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success [2]

The story is good, nut not appropriate for the prompt. It is not supposed to tell the story of your group. It is to focus on an obstacle that you encountered at a point in your life that you learned a lesson from. You have to revise the response using a more self centered focus in the discussion. Surely there is another incident that you can think of as an obstacle which you can use as a response to the question. You could even use this incident, provided you lose the "we" and focus on the "I". That means what you experienced and learned, without the group, should be the central narrative of the story. You may indicate that it is a group setting but that you will be talking about what you learned from the experience.

Writing Feedback / In some countries, it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old [2]

Let me call your attention to your page formatting first. You need to make sure that your presentation is done in a manner that is expected by the examiner. That is, your essay should be composed of 3-5 paragraphs, depending upon the writing instructions provided. For this essay, you can use 4 paragraphs due to the type of response that you gave in your writer's opinion + thesis statement. You can integrate your response in the paragraph of the opinion you agree with. The essay seems to be missing a concluding summary. Kindly remember to wrap up the summary of the discussion in the final paragraph otherwise the essay will get a failing score due to an open ended presentation.


You need to use an emotional or measured response here ( I totally agree, I wholeheartedly agree, I partially agree...) That way you response aligns with the formatting instruction for the response writing.

Undergraduate / Psychology journey - statement of purpose for UGRAD [2]

The approach to the statement of purpose is too simple. There needs to be more depth to the personal, academic, and social reasons that you wish to spend a semester studying in the US. While I can understand that you were motivated to look into the fields of medicine by your family, there needs to be a more marked reason within the family for you to want to shift from a medical MD to a doctor of psychology. The reasons you state are not really convincing enough from what I can read. The essay itself is too shallow in presentation and not really well connected in terms of discussion. You need to better connect the points using transition sentences or phrases.

Undergraduate / A whirlwind of hobbies - Personal statement [3]

What exactly is the writing guide that accompanies this essay? If you are talking about motivations by which you apply for admission to a course, then you are not writing a personal statement. If you are writing a personal statement, then you should not be writing about your motivations by which you decided to enroll in a course. You cannot combine the two in an essay unless there is a writing guide that tells you what information to combine. Since you did not include the prompt. I am not sure about how to help you clean up the presentation beyond what I have indicated here. In truth, the essay is good as a personal statement, but not as a motivational letter.

Undergraduate / Dear Future Roommate and Human Alarm Clock - Stanford Roommate Essay [2]

Well, this is definitely a fun way of introducing yourself and your culture to your potential roommate. However, there is a lot of focus on what you bring to the room, and very little about what you expect of your roommate. Think of it this way, you are introducing your roommate to your Indian culture, but what if your roommate is not American and he would like to introduce his culture to you as well? Would you be open to that? I think that is something worth mentioning. Also, if your roommate is American, what sort of cultural experience do you hope he can help you experience? What would you be looking forward to? The slant of your letter relies heavily on cultural introduction so an exchange of cultural information should be mentioned to bring a balance to the roommate arrangement don't you think?

Undergraduate / (-1) + (+1) isn't equal 0. Personal statement [2]

I am not sure what this personal statement is all about. What prompt are you responding to? I have to warn you, while out of the box presentations are good to a certain extent, too much is also an application killer. In this case, it killed the presentation. There was a lack of focus on the actual topic of the essay. Was the focus supposed to be on the water project or your public speaking development? You should not combine the 2 topics because the reviewer will be confused and be lost as to what the actual point of your presentation is about. Revise the essay to have a clearer focus and try to use a narrative rather than a chronological order presentation. That way the essay will be simpler and easier for the reader to follow.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2 - Prison sentences [2]

During a 40 minute writing task, the maximum number of words that should be written is 300 words. It will be impossible for you to write more than 400 words when you also have to review, revise, edit, and revise, then finalize the content of your essay. Remember, the score is not based on the word count but rather on the quality of the essay based upon the given scoring rubic. The longer your essay, the more deductions you will receive based upon the scoring requirements. These will be based upon the sectional considerations for each writing aspect. I advise you to write a shorter essay next time to prevent an open ended essay. An essay that is not concluded properly in the test will be given an automatic failing mark.

Writing Feedback / The diagram illustrates various stages about making material called concrete canvas into a storage. [2]


You incorrectly described the process and in effect, failed the test from the onset. Material was created (concrete canvass), but it was not created as a storage area. Based upon the illustration. That is impossible. Rather, the drawings show the process for manufacturing to storage. Storage refers to the process by which the item is placed at a location for safekeeping or until needed. The incorrect summary overview will have caused this presentation to automatically fail already.


Again, incorrect reference. it is a material that was created. The main points where your essay fails are:

1. Summary overview
2. C+C
3. GRA
4. LR

You will basically get a failing score in each section because of the inappropriate discussion content and sentence formatting.

Writing Feedback / The graph shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010. [3]


Incorrect sentence structure. Year is singular, indicating one year (1980). 1980+s is plural indicating more than one year. GRA deduction.


Activities should have been enumerated either in the summary overview or the trending statement to complete the prior information sharing for the summarized information portion of the presentation.


The reader cannot see anything. They are not going to have a copy of the image. Always refer to the information without a placement or position inference.


You are comparing more than 1 set of information. The word should be in plural form (statistics)

While the information presentation is acceptable, it is the incorrect sentence structure throughout the essay report that will pull down the final score.