sirius51
Aug 30, 2009
Writing Feedback / Purpose for earning more money should not become the main goal for us - toefl essay [6]
I will take toefl examination very soon, please give me some suggestion about my essay!
thanks so much!
only people who earn a lot of money are successful?
By the effort of modern media corporations to spread an ideal that only an individual with a large mount of money could be called a successful one, the number of people who make the purpose of earning more and more money as their only goal is increase greatly in this century. However, in my opinion, the purpose for earning more money should not become the only goal for us, and furthermore, we should try to find the happiness during our occupations.
It is true that the individuals with a good salary possibly have a higher status in society, or could purchase more luxuries which others can not afforded, or possess more social resources, such as better opportunities of education for their children. Moreover, money and finance power usually determines the social status of individual, and even reveal somewhat special excellent characteristics of people which are necessary to be successful, such as intelligence, strengthen, or even honest. Therefore, it is fair to say that these successful people are elites in our society, and the activity of pursuing self-fulfillment is desirable.
However, if when people begin to believe that money is the most important thing for their lives regarding the happiness we also should pursue, some tragedies will take place. Then we always see some people feel unhappy even they have an admirable job with a large salary. more possible situation they would encountered is that they would only feel happy with the moment that they receive their salary every year, and in rest of their time, their will feel boring and tired or even frustrated during the working-time, because they have less or even no interests and enthusiasm in the jobs they are engaging in.
In our world today, People spend nearly third of their entire time on working. So the feelings of people during their working-time will become a most important indictor to determine whether we are really happy or not. On the other hand, If a person could find a job which is so match with his interests and could obtain the feeling of self-fulfillments with a proper salary, then, the individual will feel extremely happy even the work is sometime overloaded. So I believe that money is so important for us, but it is not the only precious thing for us, and to pursue the happiness in our career is more wisdom choice for us.
I will take toefl examination very soon, please give me some suggestion about my essay!
thanks so much!
only people who earn a lot of money are successful?
By the effort of modern media corporations to spread an ideal that only an individual with a large mount of money could be called a successful one, the number of people who make the purpose of earning more and more money as their only goal is increase greatly in this century. However, in my opinion, the purpose for earning more money should not become the only goal for us, and furthermore, we should try to find the happiness during our occupations.
It is true that the individuals with a good salary possibly have a higher status in society, or could purchase more luxuries which others can not afforded, or possess more social resources, such as better opportunities of education for their children. Moreover, money and finance power usually determines the social status of individual, and even reveal somewhat special excellent characteristics of people which are necessary to be successful, such as intelligence, strengthen, or even honest. Therefore, it is fair to say that these successful people are elites in our society, and the activity of pursuing self-fulfillment is desirable.
However, if when people begin to believe that money is the most important thing for their lives regarding the happiness we also should pursue, some tragedies will take place. Then we always see some people feel unhappy even they have an admirable job with a large salary. more possible situation they would encountered is that they would only feel happy with the moment that they receive their salary every year, and in rest of their time, their will feel boring and tired or even frustrated during the working-time, because they have less or even no interests and enthusiasm in the jobs they are engaging in.
In our world today, People spend nearly third of their entire time on working. So the feelings of people during their working-time will become a most important indictor to determine whether we are really happy or not. On the other hand, If a person could find a job which is so match with his interests and could obtain the feeling of self-fulfillments with a proper salary, then, the individual will feel extremely happy even the work is sometime overloaded. So I believe that money is so important for us, but it is not the only precious thing for us, and to pursue the happiness in our career is more wisdom choice for us.