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Posts by mark_o [Suspended]
Name: Smith Martha
Joined: Jul 9, 2017
Last Post: Jul 9, 2017
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  
From: USA
School: High School

Displayed posts: 2
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mark_o   
Jul 9, 2017
Undergraduate / USC - Describe your academic interests with first and second choice majors. [4]

Hi Guys, I'm quite new to this. I'm hoping to apply to USC. Please review my essay.
Prompt - Describe how you plan to pursue your academic interests at USC. Please feel free to address your first- and second-choice major selections. (250 word limit).

sweet usc



To me, USC is like a Ferrero Rocher - a gem with countless, nutty, chocolate layers just waiting to be explored, savored. Sinking my teeth into the crunchy, tough outer coating of the gem, the challenge of spending the next four years of my life in Southern California comes to mind.

As I work my way through the coat and find my way into the comfortingly soft, biscuit shell, I feel closer to the USC community - the warm, inviting xxx architecture, the xxx housing, a realm away from the busy streets of xxxx. I am at the silken chocolate sphere now. This melt-in-your-mouth feeling is as arousing as the discovery of USC's curriculum. Neuroscience and xxxx - my eyes glass over as I scroll through the offerings.

But these are just layers. They build up to the tartan white, hazelnut core - the wholesome USC undergraduate experience. It's at USC where I feel I won't need to be pushed out of my comfort zone - I'll just emerge into it's beautiful and welcoming environment. Hearing about the research carried out at USC puts the icing on the cake.

It is 189 words, how do I make it longer and how do I appeal the Admission officers while still being true to myself. Also I am going for a career in Neurosurgery as first choice and maybe computer science as second (I have not thought of second choice yet) and how do I ellaborate on that in the essay
mark_o   
Jul 9, 2017
Writing Feedback / It is neither possible nor useful for a country to provide univesity places for all young people [3]

Hi@dangvan
When wroting essays, you introduce a new point in a paragraph. Example: Reasons for eating. In para 1,I will write, to eat. In para 2, to live and so on. You did not effect this in the forst paragraph. Here is the correction.

On the one hand, there are a variety ...
Firstly,
Insert Firstly or First of all or To begin with in a new paragraph.
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