Posts by putjaaa

putjaaa

Jul 16, 2017

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 Writing - About should Sports be compulsory at school? [3]

Hi Nguyet, i'm glad to have a chance in sharing with you about writing, especially academic writing. i suppose that your writing is quite good and your idea is suitable to be considered. But, in 1st paragraph, you wrote "...clarify both that views", i think you should use "those" because views are plural as well as you should give more attention concerning single and plural, for instance, "stress" in 1st line in 2nd paragraph. i think, that should be stresses. Also, in 3rd paragraph, in line 4, you used "is" after "sports" which is plural word. Then, i think, will be better to avoid using "to be" in opening a sentence.

Those all, i hope this will be a beginning for us to share and leaning together, and i hope you will give me some correction to my writing ahead. thank you very much.

Regards from Indonesia

putjaaa

Jul 21, 2017

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2, talk about marriage age limitation in which at least 21 [2]

Hello, everyone. I created this essay in my scoring for IELTS. I hope you would give some feedback for this, i'm glad about it, thanks in advance.

The topic is "Some people feel that the legal age at which people can marry should be at least 21. To what extent you agree or disagree?"

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Marriage at young age

In this era, marriage issues need to be discussed which is shown by an argument that marriage should be occur at young age under 22 is legal. I, personally, disagree with this statement because youth might establish the household at age less than 21 years. This essay explains some reasons which are supporting the opposition of first argument.

Despite the fact that people who are married at young age have unstable emotional. They might get trouble between themselves and their spouse. Thus, marriage in teenage years should be prepared and should not be allowed in age which is too young.

Nonetheless, youth should get marriage at age under 21 because they tend to be more productive and energetic compared to older people. In household, they would cleared all of their challenges of life together with husband or wife. Then, this could relieve their stress because usually, young couple are more cheerful to against a problem. For instance, a wife gets a problem in her office then she could share it with her husband who might help to finished it.

In addition, young people who marry in young age would reduce number of youth who conduct free-sex which is a danger for health of their reproduction organs. Free-sex are notorious in youth and peers as well as marry could make them realize about family and they would stop conducting free-sex.

By way of conclusion, it is legal circumstance if people marriage at young age, it should not be at least 21 but it might be less than that, such as 17 or 18. government should enact a strict regulation to control it.