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IELTS WRITING TASK 2, talk about marriage age limitation in which at least 21

putjaaa 1 / 1 1  
Jul 21, 2017   #1
Hello, everyone. I created this essay in my scoring for IELTS. I hope you would give some feedback for this, i'm glad about it, thanks in advance.

The topic is "Some people feel that the legal age at which people can marry should be at least 21. To what extent you agree or disagree?"


Marriage at young age

In this era, marriage issues need to be discussed which is shown by an argument that marriage should be occur at young age under 22 is legal. I, personally, disagree with this statement because youth might establish the household at age less than 21 years. This essay explains some reasons which are supporting the opposition of first argument.

Despite the fact that people who are married at young age have unstable emotional. They might get trouble between themselves and their spouse. Thus, marriage in teenage years should be prepared and should not be allowed in age which is too young.

Nonetheless, youth should get marriage at age under 21 because they tend to be more productive and energetic compared to older people. In household, they would cleared all of their challenges of life together with husband or wife. Then, this could relieve their stress because usually, young couple are more cheerful to against a problem. For instance, a wife gets a problem in her office then she could share it with her husband who might help to finished it.

In addition, young people who marry in young age would reduce number of youth who conduct free-sex which is a danger for health of their reproduction organs. Free-sex are notorious in youth and peers as well as marry could make them realize about family and they would stop conducting free-sex.

By way of conclusion, it is legal circumstance if people marriage at young age, it should not be at least 21 but it might be less than that, such as 17 or 18. government should enact a strict regulation to control it.

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,680 2044  
Jul 21, 2017   #2
Putri, there are so many problems with the way that you wrote this essay that I cannot figure out where to begin in assessing and commenting on them. Let me just say right off the bat that this essay will not get a score higher than a 3 in an actual setting. That is because of the severe distortion of the message you are trying to deliver due to your lack of control over English grammar, thus causing a lack of accuracy in the way that you express yourself and deliver your line of thought.

Your opening statement shows that you did not understand the method by which you were required to present and discuss the given topic. An example of the correct paraphrasing for the opening statement follows below:

A discussion has been ongoing regarding the proper legal age for marriage. The point of discussion has to do with the opinion that the legal age for marriage should be at least 21. In this essay, I will be discussing the extent of my disagreement with this public opinion.

If you will compare the opening paraphrase that I wrote and then compare it with the original prompt, you should see that you misunderstood the topic being presented and the discussion requirement. You were discussing the establishment of the age of marriage when the actual topic was "the legal age for marriage should be at least 21". A topic which is far different from what you presented in your discussion. Your discussion should have indicated, in the second paragraph that;

One of these reasons is that I disagree with the age of 21 being the legal age for marriage is...

It is important that you first increase your understanding of the English language by improving your comprehension skills first. If you cannot understand the instructions or the topic for discussion, then you will not be able to properly discuss it. So first, learn to understand English and then, practice writing simple essays first. Don't use the standard IELTS questions at the start. Just write essays that are free of formatting standards and scoring expectations so you can get used to writing int he language and develop your simple English grammar skills. Only when you have perfected this portion can you move on to the more advanced demands of the IELTS test essays.

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