Writing Feedback / The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world [3]

Personally, although i write it, i don't think it is a good article. I think there are redundant in some sentence, can you give me an advice and the band score i may reach in IELTS ? I will very appreciate if you can do that, Thank you.

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

comparison of water usage

The given pie charts show the proportion of three water usage in six area of the world. Overall, the common usage of water is for industrial and agriculture.

In terms of industry use, the illustration present the North America and Europe required more water for industrial than the South America, Africa and Asia. Both North America and Europe spent nearly half or more water for industrial, which is 48% and 53% in order, while South America, Africa and Asia spent between 5% to 12%.

For agricultural use, the illustration present a heavy use of water in South America, Africa and Asia. The agricultural sector spent more than 70% of water in this three areas, while North America and Europe spent less than 40%.

For domestic use, it was the lowest percentage of the usage of water in North America, Europe and South East Asia, which is 13%, 15% and 7% in order. On the other hand, it was second in South America, Africa and Central Asia, which in Africa and Central Asia, it just a slightly more than the industry use.

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Writing Feedback / The emissions of carbon dioxide (CO2) in metric tonnes per person [Ielts] [4]

Holt, I try to use your advise and present here.
Can you give me an advice for the new one and the score i may reach in IELTS? I will very appreciate if you can do that, Thank you.

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

the range of emission between four European areas

The line graph shows the emissions of carbon dioxide (CO2) in metric tonnes per person between four decade spanning 1967 to 2007 in four areas, which is United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal.

Overall, the illustration shows the range of emission between four areas, which have a massive difference in 1967, are being narrow in 2007.

The emissions of CO2 per person in UK and Sweden are dropped during this four decade. Unlike the steady decrease of UK from 11 to 9 metric tonnes, the first decade of Sweden still having a raise until they reach the peak, from 9 to 11 metric tonnes. After which, a sharply decrease occur at the next three decade from 11 to 5 metric tonnes.

While the British and Swedes reducing their emissions of CO2, the Italians and Portuguese are raising it. Overview this two areas, both of Italy and Portugal have a stable increase between 1967 to 1997, from 4 to 7 metric tonnes and from 1 to 5 metric tonnes, respectively. However, a plateau happened in Italy's emission while Portugal are still raising to around 6 metric tonnes.

Over this 40 years, the rank of emissions per person in this four areas are modified. Although there is a drop in UK, it still is the top. Sweden is the second at first, being the last at last. Both Italy and Portugal ranked up, from 3 and 4 to 2 and 3, in order.