Undergraduate / 'Teacher Crush' and guitar play - for The Common App, prompt 5. [4]

Teacher Crush

It would be so easy to lie and say that I learned to play the guitar as a small child, discovering within myself a natural gift. Perhaps my parents forced me to take lessons when I was young, and I just stuck with it. The truth, however, is that I decided to pursue the hobby at age 14 based on my crush on the music teacher.

At an already challenging age, I was struggling with much more than what my 14 year old self could handle. What with my divorced (and hardly-interacting) parents, two sisters to whom I could not be nice to, no matter how hard I tried, and the seemingly never-ending depression, anxiety and paranoia that possessed my life, I was a wreck. Courtesy of my ever-present, depression-driven mood swings, I was always very 'up', or very 'down'. I was guilty of making unhealthy and often dangerous decisions, subconsciously destroying relationships as quickly as they formed, and becoming passionate about and obsessed with the most ridiculous things and ideas. My crush on Mr. Music Teacher was exactly that. After confiding in one or two (or seven) people about my 'feelings', it rapidly escalated; I eventually convinced myself that I was in love with him. I didn't even take music class.
Much to my luck, Mr. Music Teacher was also the computing teacher; needless to say, I sat in the front row and became very good at computing. I learned to create simple animations and type without looking; skills I never would have mastered had the teacher lacked my undivided attention.

In class one afternoon, Mr. Music Teacher looked at me with a very serious expression on his face, and said "I heard something about you". I cannot explain the speed at which my heart began to thump in this moment. Which of my scandalous rumors or stupid decisions had he heard about? All I felt was panic. "I hear you have a beautiful voice. Why didn't you tell me you were a singer?". The relief was a kind I had never experienced. It was then that it occurred to me: all I needed to do to get his attention was become musically talented.

Though always a musical person, always listening to music and singing in the shower, I would never have imagined that anyone could use my name and the words 'good singer' in one sentence; unless that sentence also included 'not'. However, my sister owned a guitar, so my new goal was to learn how to play. I somehow convinced the Head of the Music Department to let me transfer into music class - turns out she was the one who had told Mr. Music Teacher that I could sing. During my first day in the class I learned the basic chords on a guitar, and from there I was hooked. I played all day and all night, I watched YouTube videos to teach myself my favorite songs, and attempted to write my own melodies; I had found, for the first time in my life, something I really loved.

Though it sounds like typical teenager self-doubt, there was never anything I was good at until I began to play the guitar. Finding a personal happiness, as simple as it was, inspired me. I was finally able to start looking for help to treat the depression that had haunted my life for years; I could now clearly see a life without it. I learned that I didn't have to constantly be the center of attention in order to be happy. I didn't need to make the bad decisions that made me stand out from the crowd (not in a good way). I didn't need to push away everyone who got to know me; they weren't all going to hurt me. I only needed one thing, it was simple: an inappropriate, now embarrassing, teacher crush.

Undergraduate / ROLE MODEL: prompt of my own design [3]

Written for the Common App; prompt of my own choice. mostly just looking for help correct grammar, spelling, punctuation mistakes that I haven't noticed myself!! thanks

Lauren Morelli is my role model

I often feel as stuck now as I did when I was 13, the only difference being that I now have a role model; someone who, though she doesn't know it, inspires me simply by being herself. Lauren Morelli is a writer, producer, and the person I admire the most. Not only am I inspired by her bravery and impressed by her personal experiences, I am also motivated daily by her talent in an industry that I am most passionate about.
For as long as I can remember I have questioned my sexuality and often felt frustrated by the thought of being categorized and labelled: straight, lesbian, or bi-sexual? Growing up in a small, sheltered town, I was rarely exposed to diversity - except for when my family, who aren't at all prejudiced, went on holiday. When I was younger and just starting to think about what sexuality meant, I had the recurring thought that if I'd had someone to look up to, a role model who I could talk to, I would have been able to understand and accept my feelings; but I didn't.
As my generation got older we learned, without anyone having to say anything directly homophobic, that women date, marry and have babies with men - because that's just what you do. With this being the concept that surrounded me as I grew up, I struggled to verbally express my thoughts about liking both boys and girls, except for once when I was 13. I told two of my closest friends that it had crossed my mind, but it quickly became another moment that people didn't want to think about. I went through high school hearing students make obnoxious comments about homosexuality, all the while thinking to myself 'what if they knew they were actually talking about me?' A year later, my 'friend' said to me, while laughing hysterically, "remember that time you thought you were a lesbian?" I now wonder whether that was my chance to properly verbalize my feelings, but alongside an awkward giggle, I said "yeah."
Lauren Morelli's story of having the courage to put her own happiness first - coming out as a lesbian at the age of 30, while writing for 'Orange Is The New Black', and after marrying her husband - inspires me daily, and reminds me that nothing can ever become more important than happiness. As well as being someone I personally admire, Lauren's success in her career regularly motivates me to put everything I have into everything I do, so that I can one day create art equally as brilliant as hers. My main admiration for Lauren lies in her courage and bravery. She's not afraid to admit that although she is entirely grateful and content with who she is, coming out was a terrifying and horrible experience she had to face. Now five years later, she is out, proud, and happily married to her wife - a position in which I aspire to one day be. Each time I see her posts on social media I gain a little more self confidence, and come closer to a future of being entirely comfortable with who I am. Like so many others, I constantly worry about what outsiders might think of me, and I still run away from the idea of having to talk about my sexuality, but Lauren's story has taught me that there shouldn't be any pressure. It's okay not to be entirely sure of who I am or what I want; the way I live my life is up to me and no one else.
I'm definitely still confused, but I'm no longer terrified of saying that. I'm still scared of being honest with myself and with others, but my excitement buries those fears. I've stopped worrying about whether I end up loving men or women, and started looking forward to a future of simply being happy.