Scholarship / Chevening networking skills essay, give and sit back, the outcome will come [3]

hi there..essay seems a bit choppy and there is no flow. Slight grammatical errors such as help vs helped in paragraph 4 and overuse of the work genuine in paragraph 1, synonyms are helpful if you find yourself repeating the same words. in paragraph 3 the opening sentence is way too long and honestly makes no sense although the end of the paragraph is essential to the essay to show how you are utilizing your network