Plutonus
Nov 11, 2017
Writing Feedback / College Mid-Term Essay about facilities funding [4]
Hi everybody!
I study an university in the Czech Republic and we were given a choice of three questions for our mid-term essay. I've chosen the following one: "Which facilities should receive money from local authorities?", where I put museums and public gardens in comparison. Would you be so kind and help me correct grammatical, stylistic and other mistakes? Required level of English is B2+ or C1. Thank you very much in advance!
A town dilemma: To favour history or fulfill present needs?
Although they offer divergent ways of spending leisure time, both museums and public gardens occupy their important role within the town. Financial contribution for them would be supported by numerous statements, though fair compromise is not always possible due to the lack of funds. In that case we're forced to make a decision: should we stick to historical enlightenment or fulfill needs for piece of nature and place to rest?
Times when the good understanding of the closest living environment was sufficient for majority of our daily needs are irrevocably gone. Nowadays we live in the developed world that is exposed to the so called "information overload". This undoubted fact shouldn't be omitted as a key factor when deciding which public facility to fund primarily.
This phenomenon is also one of the main causes why museums suffer from lack of visitors, especially inhabitants of particular town. People tend to prefer facilities where they're able to calm down, either physically or mentally, and that's not what institutions like museums offer.
On the other hand, public gardens do this task very well. Yet, it is just one of their benefits among others. They also provide escape to the nature within reality of a town or city. And because they are not single purpose, one is able to choose from several activities, including sitting and observing the environment, laying under the sun, reading or having conversation.
Selection of preferred institution is definitely not an easy task. However, if necessary, we should put an emphasis on needs of today's life - and they're represented much better by public gardens, who are very often established as a central place of the particular area.
(Author: T. Raha)
Hi everybody!
I study an university in the Czech Republic and we were given a choice of three questions for our mid-term essay. I've chosen the following one: "Which facilities should receive money from local authorities?", where I put museums and public gardens in comparison. Would you be so kind and help me correct grammatical, stylistic and other mistakes? Required level of English is B2+ or C1. Thank you very much in advance!
A town dilemma: To favour history or fulfill present needs?
Although they offer divergent ways of spending leisure time, both museums and public gardens occupy their important role within the town. Financial contribution for them would be supported by numerous statements, though fair compromise is not always possible due to the lack of funds. In that case we're forced to make a decision: should we stick to historical enlightenment or fulfill needs for piece of nature and place to rest?
Times when the good understanding of the closest living environment was sufficient for majority of our daily needs are irrevocably gone. Nowadays we live in the developed world that is exposed to the so called "information overload". This undoubted fact shouldn't be omitted as a key factor when deciding which public facility to fund primarily.
This phenomenon is also one of the main causes why museums suffer from lack of visitors, especially inhabitants of particular town. People tend to prefer facilities where they're able to calm down, either physically or mentally, and that's not what institutions like museums offer.
On the other hand, public gardens do this task very well. Yet, it is just one of their benefits among others. They also provide escape to the nature within reality of a town or city. And because they are not single purpose, one is able to choose from several activities, including sitting and observing the environment, laying under the sun, reading or having conversation.
Selection of preferred institution is definitely not an easy task. However, if necessary, we should put an emphasis on needs of today's life - and they're represented much better by public gardens, who are very often established as a central place of the particular area.
(Author: T. Raha)