lowkey1395
Oct 7, 2018
Scholarship / A good leader inspires people to have confidence in him/her, while a great leader... Chevening essay [4]
[moved from]
Hello! I'm no expert in critiquing essay but here are my opinions:
I'm a bit confused, you said your essay was about the career plan but I feel like the content is more on leadership and influencing?
If so, here are my thoughts on your essay as a leadership and influencing essay.
1. I'm a bit confused about what you do? Are you in the army? Can you explicitly state you role? You dived right into examples so I had to reread your essay a bit before I understood the context and even then I wasn't 100% sure.
2. You need to specify in detail how you applied you leadership skills to the situation at hand in the first paragraph you stated how your skill were enhanced but not how you applied them. For the second example you outlined what you did in the situation and the ultimately how your team influenced others. I'm seeing a bit of a disconnect here.
3. There aren't enough examples on how you influenced others. Say how you convinced someone that you idea was better than the other, or why something needed to be done instead of something else. A lot of your examples show more of you delegating rather than influencing.
That's just me though, I wish you luck fellow applicant!
[moved from]
Hello! I'm no expert in critiquing essay but here are my opinions:
I'm a bit confused, you said your essay was about the career plan but I feel like the content is more on leadership and influencing?
If so, here are my thoughts on your essay as a leadership and influencing essay.
1. I'm a bit confused about what you do? Are you in the army? Can you explicitly state you role? You dived right into examples so I had to reread your essay a bit before I understood the context and even then I wasn't 100% sure.
2. You need to specify in detail how you applied you leadership skills to the situation at hand in the first paragraph you stated how your skill were enhanced but not how you applied them. For the second example you outlined what you did in the situation and the ultimately how your team influenced others. I'm seeing a bit of a disconnect here.
3. There aren't enough examples on how you influenced others. Say how you convinced someone that you idea was better than the other, or why something needed to be done instead of something else. A lot of your examples show more of you delegating rather than influencing.
That's just me though, I wish you luck fellow applicant!