rupsajina
Oct 18, 2018
Writing Feedback / Some people prefer to work for themselves or own a business. Others prefer to work for an employer. [2]
Owning a businessthat means they could can follow their passion, find work motivation from interest be self-motivated, as well as ...
Secondly, it will be difficult for them... -> This is not really a different point from the "work more hours" mentioned in the first 2 sentences of the paragraph
and they will also have totake more show their responsibilities to towards ...
They will have ...
and make it will be a lot ... good work- life balanceas well as , and not let the work take ...
Working for an employerlet not only lets you take not only fewer responsibilities
Despiteof irrefutable advantages of (or Inspite of irrefutable...)
Also, just a general comment, you have put only one paragraph supporting the stand you took (professional employee), but 2 paragraphs on the opposite stand. Maybe you can rewrite it, with the same points, but such that it feels like 2 paragraphs supporting your stand, and one paragraph of why you don not support the other one.
Owning a business
Secondly, it will be difficult for them... -> This is not really a different point from the "work more hours" mentioned in the first 2 sentences of the paragraph
and they will also have to
They will have ...
and make it will be a lot ... good work- life balance
Working for an employer
Despite
Also, just a general comment, you have put only one paragraph supporting the stand you took (professional employee), but 2 paragraphs on the opposite stand. Maybe you can rewrite it, with the same points, but such that it feels like 2 paragraphs supporting your stand, and one paragraph of why you don not support the other one.