Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by ozric
Joined: Sep 30, 2009
Last Post: Oct 9, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: Canada

Displayed posts: 4
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ozric   
Oct 1, 2009
Scholarship / Spiral - a scholarship application [4]

Hello I stumbled across this site yesterday and could really use some help with this essay I wrote for a scholarship application. The topic I was given was spiral.

From the path bath water follows down the drain to the motion in which a galaxy moves around a definite centre, spirals are recurring shapes of the natural world. Their presence suggests evidence of order in the universe. This order can be attributed to intelligent design or to the deterministic view of science, the idea that all phenomena of the universe are governed by simple laws which can be explained by one unified theory,

The evidence that spirals provide to support the idea of an omniscient god, whom created the universe, or any intelligent creator for that matter, is formed from the order created in nature by repeated patterns. Motifs, repetitions, and themes in nature lead to the belief that intelligence is undeniably responsible. This same repetition leads others to believe that all phenomenons in the physical world may be described by a single theory or set of laws. Stephen Hawking, among many other scientists, is supportive of this notion and strives to deduce such principles. Despite the radical differences that exist in the people who have interpreted their environment in this ways, they both have arrived at the same basic conclusion: the world is governed by a logical force. Spirals and other repeating shapes are the stones on the path to this conclusion.

Spirals in their structural appearance are logical and self replicating; their image is repeated in different proportions and distortions. They also possess infinite resolution. This is to say a spiral can always reveal greater detail when enlarged, its point increasingly defined, or its diameter stretched. These are the exact qualities of unique shapes called fractals. Fractals are essentially complex spirals and since their discovery in the 1980's have wielded much contemplation, fascination and utilization. Fractal software has been used to model very exact images of mountain ranges, forests, and other landscapes. Suggesting fractals may reveal laws which dictate the behavior of the natural world, or that they merely portray the methods of an intelligent creator whom is responsible for said world. Simple mathematical equations describe fractals, and fractal generated software can analyze images of finite resolution, generate a formula to describe the pixels in the image and then create astonishingly real enhanced detail in the image. These features of fractals are perfect evidence of both world views. The simple equations for such complex shapes mirroring what humans observe in reality are stunning, which implies existence of a unified theory of the universe. The creative power of fractal software is both infinite, as the nature of god is often described, and alike to this world which god is said to have created.

Found often and everywhere, spiral's presence appears even in the minute molecules responsible for human life as we know it. The human genome is constructed of deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA) this polymer forms in long repetitive spiraling strands, is present in every cell of the human body, and responsible for all activity of these cells. Spirals presence in this environment, one ever so dear to all human activity is profound. It suggests humans to be governed by the exact laws that govern nature. The repetition and motif of the physical realm is present at human beings' very core suggesting to some that humans have been divinely designed, as with the heavens and stars.

In closing, spirals are the source of much human speculation. Through their repetition, frequency and application they provide the basis for a belief in a force or logic existing in the natural world. This logic may be deduced by humans, or may be entirely out of their comprehension, in either case its existence manifests through simple, elegant spirals.
ozric   
Oct 1, 2009
Graduate / He is exceptional in problem solving - LOR. [3]

Looks good, only thing I would reccomend is in:

For someone with so little experience in the field is remarkable.

This sentence seems to be lacking a subject to me. If you are referring to his achievements as remarkable I suggest:

...in the field this is ...

If you are referring to the person in general as remarkable I suggest:

... in the field he is...
ozric   
Oct 1, 2009
Scholarship / Spiral - a scholarship application [4]

Thanks for the feedback. I see your point about the first sentence, in writing it I seem to have had the idea of what I wished to say, but I did not clearly explain myself.

I meant that the world making sense suggests that it was intelligently designed to some people, while others aspire to use the world's order to obtain a certain unified theory. Stephen Hawking in particular was rather fascinated with one unifying theory and I should go into more detail about the specifics.

I mean to not sound as broad, with my statements in the essay, and to refer to only select people's interpretations of the world. The purpose of the essay was to show creative thought and interpretation of a one word topic. Which I don't think I did horribly on.

I'll look it over some more, before sending it in.

thanks again
ozric   
Oct 9, 2009
Undergraduate / "Benny? Benny?! Where are you?" (Rutgers essay appl.) [18]

That is a heavy story, good job.

What I would change is:

Separate the conclusion from the story by making it a new paragraph.

Lengthen the conclusion, really use the story to support your argument that

I think more people should be as simple as these children because they notice things that most people take for granted, and they are so much happier for it

Remove "I think" from that statement, beginning a thesis or conclusion with "I think" or "in my opinion" gives the audience a reason to disagree with you.

Holistically the writing is well done, I enjoyed it.
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