Undergraduate / "How did I get caught?" - My Essay for college admission.. [3]

I think it is a bit too long.(992 words) Plz revise...and thank you in advance.:]

How did I get caught?

"Oh, my goodness, look at how they serve! How weird! "
"Well, weird but intense."
"We're gonna be so screwed..."
That was the first few words I could hear in my head as the game started. I was too shocked and
worried to listen to people around. The team cheers for those violet Cascades, and they were loud
enough, almost made me deaf. All I had in mind was the score, decided by the judge. The violet
Team was scoring one after another, and there were no difficulties.
I fell into a sound sleep and dreamt that I was back in August, 2008, at the first volleyball practice we held. The sounds of balls bumping against wrists, palms, floor, made me frightened. I couldn't have felt more uncomfortable, but when I was dragged downward onto the serving line by Alex. I tried to serve a ball, but it was not as easy as he showed me. The ball bounced into the net and dropped to the floor. What was more depressing was that I found a big bruise on my arm with many little blood-red dots under my skin. I wanted to tell others about it, and it seemed that they've all had this sort of pain in the very beginning. I said nothing more, but held my tears back in and practiced serving once, twice...That was my 3rd week in the USA, and I've never been involved in formal sports training before. I started being on Junior Varsity as a volleyball player, by that time, I never thought I could do it without tasting such bitterness, with the unwillingness and worry.

In the first 2 months, I learned the basic volleyball skills, such as serving, setting, spiking, etc. My arms and knees were always bruised. I had to apply icepack on them so I would be able to continue practice the next day. Then the game season started! In the first several games, I spent most of my time sitting on the bench, even in JV games. I got to play once in awhile, and got substituted other times. I didn't like what I was doing, since I thought once I was on a team, I should have the right to play. So one day I went to the captain and asked about why I didn't get to play and why I was put on JV. All I got as reply was: "You didn't seem much into the team and you had no interest in volleyball. We decided to put you on JV so that you get to learn more about how to play." Suddenly I felt embarrassed, like my face was burning up and I wish I could have never asked such a question. I was so obvious that I had no skills permitting me to be on the Varsity team. After this talk, I made up my mind. I clearly knew that I'd be on Varsity only if I practice hard, harder than others, in order to fetch up my "no basis".

Hard work paid off. The other day during practice, I was surprised that I got almost every ball that came to the front. Our coach cheered, everybody was saying "Good job!" to me. The very moment I knew I made it. And I was grateful, for my host brother Alex insisted that I shouldn't back out. I got caught being frightened when I was facing something new and challenging. It wasn't like me to get lost in a jungle. I cried out, tried everywhere and eventually got out. Nothing felt better than the first sunlight shining upon me, just like the cheers from my friends and coach. I thought I couldn't do it, but without trying, I'd never know. Then I was told that there will be volleyball games in a student convention. So I signed up for it. With other girls, I formally became a member of our school team, set off for the convention after one and a half months' practice.

I was awoken by the coach, being told that it was time for a warm-up. With the numbness from thinking back and the shock I had earlier, I held the ball by the line, feeling motionless. The captain came and tapped my shoulder as she noticed that something was wrong with me. "No worries, the girl who spikes will be graduated next year! She joked a little bit, which brought me back to awareness. "This is my only year here!" I told myself, responding her with nodding. I started setting a ball, warming up myself before the game starts.

Soon we did experience what we predicted. We got quite behind on score and it was going to destroy us, if our opponent was able to keep it up. After a time-out, I was rotated to the serving spot. I clearly felt my hands trembling when I picked up the ball on the floor. I served, and I thought I may have missed it. Instead, no body called "short". When I heard my name echoing in the gym, I couldn't have believed it! I repeated it for another 3 times, like a robot. What happened was continuous. "I scored". After this the Cascades had their full attention, and started getting back at us. Although another few points later, we lost our fist round. My scoring in time guaranteed that we got to have another 2 rounds. Sadly it didn't help save us from losing. At the end of the game, I looked up at the score board, and then let out a long breath. I realized that winning or loss maybe matters, but the more I worry about it, the more it affects my performance. Contrary to that, when I was serving, all I needed to do was focus, and think of my best possible serve. This made me score more. As the song <Happy> sings, "The only enemy I am trying to beat is hiding in me." If life itself is fearless, then who can be against it?

Undergraduate / "The Reason We Trust", "Cured" - my two personal essays for common app [2]

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

The Reason We Trust

"What? You told her all that?" my dad yelled at me, staring into my eyes with anger and unbelief.
"Yes. I did." I replied plainly, turning around, leaving silence to him.
"How dare you..." he kept on, as I walked ahead. I can't remember how many times he has said things like this to me.

"Why do you trust her so much?" my mom stepped into my way, trying to keep her tone not to sound offensive.
"There has to be a reason?" I lifted my head and saw her trembling like a leaf in the wind. She knew it would end up like that. And it did happen.

I don't remember what happened after that, all I see is doubt. Doubt in everything. I am not sure if there were some real issues that my parents really got duped in. Of course if there were, they would not have told people anyway, including me. I've been lectured not to trust people, and I always disappoint my parents because I do. "Don't complain that we didn't remind you, when you really got taken advantage of." In 4th grade, I thought my parents were prophets when they said this. Later I realized it was just the beginning.

Once, I was getting ready to meet up my best friend in a bookstore on a Saturday afternoon. We were going to get a book, the one my friend and I have been waiting for almost the whole 3 months. Winter here doesn't get very cold. I wrapped a scarf around my neck, just in case I might get chilling on the way there. Just when I was opening the door, my mom started asking about how I've prepared for the coming test-the one would determine whether I'd be able to attend a good high school. I fiddled with the door handle, answering curtly. All I had in mind was the book and how exciting it was to meet my friend. I didn't notice her coming, until she slapped me, saying something I'd never think of at that moment: " Do you go through your mind before you do things?"

I covered my burning cheek with one hand, as she continued, "Why is she asking you to go here and there when such a significant test is getting close? Don't tell me that you don't know you two are close, in rankings." She stood in front of me, with arms akimbo. "She is trying to drag you down to the earth, so she could step on you and make her way out to the top."

For a while I felt so cold, deeply inside. My tear flooded and I yelled: "You can't say that! She is my best friend! She won't do that to me, she'll never..." slightly I shivered, my voice went weak. Will she? The momentary hesitation did scare me. Suddenly I felt I was a little assimilated by them, or educated, the way they say it.

"She will never." I said it aloud, word by word.
My mom left for making a phone call, saying that I wouldn't be able to go. I didn't stop her, but headed to the bookstore.

I got into the high school my parents wanted. And my friend got in, too. We still hang out; however, I never mentioned that I wasn't supposed to attend that appointment.

I understand how tricky this world seems, but I do believe that it is meaningless for us to seek a reason for trusting people. I can't ensure everyone I meet is trust-worthy, but my life will be more miserable than I imagine, if I trust none of them, like how my parents taught me. Life isn't easy, but I don't have to make it harder for myself. During the years I grow up, I know there are people by my side, whose hands reached out for me when I had my down times. I wouldn't have made friendship like that if I didn't trust them.

The ramparts need to be torn down. We are not really protected, until we are in a trusting world.
A world we live without seeking for a reason to trust.
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Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.

Cured

When I first read about《Bencao Gangmu》(《Compendium of Materia Medica》), I got to know its author Li Shizhen-the greatest naturalist in China, who summarized his forty-year work into an epic book. Though his contribution to medical science is the majority of people's study about him, his life history had significant impact on me as his prescriptions did.

Li Shizhen was born in a family of physicians. His grandfather and his father were both well-known doctors, but they were considered relatively low on the social scale of the time. They cured hundreds and thousands of people with their outstanding medical skills; however, they didn't get respect from the society. From very young, Li was told to study hard, and never become a doctor. He took the Civil Service Exam three times, which was held every three years, trying to get a position in government. But he failed each of them. After these setbacks, he turned to medicine, in his early twenties, under the pressure from his family.

Indeed, even in China nowadays, political career is still considered "gold bucket". And the current Gaokao is for entering colleges, which pretty much seems as important as the Civil Service Exam in ancient time. Teenagers including me, studied hard for ten years, in order to achieve an admission to attend colleges-which is said to be the standard way of fulfilling purposes of life. My grandparents went through this. My parents went through this.

Am I going to do the same?
For millions of times I've asked myself. Sometimes I wanted to, when I felt frustrated and I imagined my life as simple as it could be-study, then tests, forgetting other things. But after the frustration was gone, I realized that it wasn't the life I really intended to have. The uncertainty made my head ache and I needed rest. I took the medicine documented in Li's book, to soothe my nerves. Suddenly I felt I heard the conversation between Li and his father, which I read long time ago:

"Father, please pass your medical knowledge on me. I want to be a doctor." Li bent over with apology.
"If you've made up your mind, I can't turn you down. Remember you are a doctor now; people's life is the only thing that matters. Go get my medicine-chest." said his father.

It must have taken Li a lot of determination to make this choice. He didn't go by the common practice, which eventually made him extraordinary. He fulfilled his life goal during the time he spent researching, collecting samples of herbs and studying different prescriptions. The book took him forty years, but every day of the past was regretless. He left a mark in the history, he is remembered to today.

"For what I do is to help people, I'll never back off." His voice echoed in the valleys, his sweat moistened the earth.

I drank up the decoction. The bitterness in my throat made me not able to speak a word for seconds. But my soul was lightened. Li went through the ten years of lost and figured out what he wanted to do, then he accomplished his goal with fruitful results. I have been trying to seek my life goal as well. And I want to find a career which I am able to do my best, helping build a better world for people. I don't have headache any more, because I don't feel lost about my future. I know what is in front of me. It's like Li's decoction, it might taste bitter, but it works well and effective.