Undergraduate / How will the realization of your dreams create a lasting imprint on society? [9]

hi! i decided to write my own common app prompt, and this is the rough rough rough draft of my essay in response to it. please give me your thoughts, opinions, and critiques! thanks! [554 words]

Q: How will the realization of your dreams create a lasting imprint on society?

A:

Ever since youth, I have struggled to understand how my physical bones, tissues, and organs fit together like fragmented puzzle pieces to create my living, thinking human body. Concealed by my physical exterior, an intangible self lies hidden within the brain - a mysterious, fascinating part of the body, yet far too complex for anyone to fully comprehend. It is the brain that has stirred an insatiable curiosity within me, for I am not defined by my carnal body, but by my internal thoughts and beliefs. Therefore, the study of neurology is truly the study of my own being and a gateway to limitless potential, for the field is only beginning to gain momentum. My dream is to study neurology so that I can uncover the secrets of how the brain functions, tackle intractable health concerns, and pioneer new branches of research, all of which would form lasting advances in society.

The derivation of this desire to pursue an education in neurology lies in the revolutionary idea that the brain is malleable and changeable, not a stagnant machine that cannot be mended. Indeed, the implications of this discovery could lead to the reversal of previously proclaimed permanent brain damage and the preservation of brain activity amongst the elderly population, two feats that neurologists have formerly deemed unfeasible. This belief has developed into a new branch of neurology known as neuroplasticity, and in this branch brains are fixing themselves, miracles are constantly occurring, and lives are drastically changing. I wish to work in this novel area of neurology because so little has been discovered about the plastic brain and so much is left to find; I wish to make my mark upon the world by researching and curing illnesses, not merely treating them in a conventional way.

So much of the medical field is centralized upon the extension of life, regardless of the mental or physical state of the patient. However, I believe that the quality of life is far more important than the prolongation of it, for how can a life be worthwhile if it cannot be enjoyed? Many patients are fed breath through tubes and kept alive through chemotherapy and surgeries, but are unable to accomplish the activities that make existence pleasurable and significant. Although technically alive, this external subsistence does not fulfill the internal needs of the patient, and therefore does not cure the patient of his illness. The research done by contemporary neuroplasticians, however, insists that the quality of life need not be forsaken in the act of rescuing a deteriorating body. The brain, just like any other organ, can be healed and strengthened through exercise, and I wish to help others regain the mental capacity they once had through a career in neuroplasticity.

The most alluring aspect of neuroplasticity is its focus not on salvaging a broken body, but on rejuvenating it and restoring it to the height it once was. Because of the work neuroplasticians are now achieving, lives can be revitalized through psychological and neurological therapy, and this chance to give new life to someone inspires me to enter the neurological field. Never before have people born with learning disorders been able to raise their IQs to normal levels; never before have people born blind had their vision restored; never before have stroke patients had their paralysis and cognitive deficits reversed. And yet, there is so much remaining to research and inquire, so many lives that could still be affected by advances in neuroplasticity. Thus, I could not imagine pursuing a more significant career path, for no other occupation affects society in such a direct and momentous way. I believe that no greater service could be done to humanity than to promote the general welfare of society both physically and mentally, and neuroplasticity has the potential to help people of all races, ages, and genders in this capacity.

Undergraduate / Stanford Supplement - Intellectually Engaging Experience [Edit!] [5]

This is my rough draft for the Stanford Supplement essay prompt: Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging. Please tear my essay to pieces [it's a draft afterall!] and give me your feedback! Thanks! [1799 characters, I barely made it!]

Throughout my educational experience, information has been fed to me as facts, numbers, and dates to be memorized for a test, then erased from my mind to make space for more facts. Our current institution defines this as "learning", although it involves no effort on my part besides tedious rote memory. However, Socrates once said, "true insight comes from within" and "education is the kindling of a flame, not the filling of a vessel"; he believed that knowledge came from personal investigation, not from the words of a professor or the text on a page. Subsequently, I find Socratic Seminars intellectually engaging because they force the participants to ask questions and delve deep into themselves for answers, not rely on the opinions of others.

A particularly stimulating Socratic Seminar I participated in regarded the inevitability or preventability of war, and whether human nature incites the response of physical combat in society. Such an analytical prompt could not be answered by a learned fact, but required me to think critically about my perception of mankind. After the seminar, I came to the conclusion that man is inherently egotistical and therefore adamant that he is always right. This leads to verbal discord, since each man refuses to submit to compromise or defeat; if no resolution is reached, it will spiral into physical discord, since man possesses a carnal nature. I arrived at this admittedly subjective opinion after my interest was piqued, as Socrates would have predicted; nowhere could I have found my conclusion in a professor's lesson plan or a classroom textbook. Thus, Socratic Seminars are intellectually invigorating for they extend beyond the norm of conventional education, but require an active mind eager to gain insight through personal discovery.

Undergraduate / I cannot wait to get to know you; Stanford Supplement - roommate [7]

This is my final Stanford essay. YES! Please edit it as much as you'd like, any comments are appreciated! The essay is exactly 1800 words and I am pasting it here as one big block of words because I did not have enough characters left over to add paragraph breaks [since spaces count as characters].

Dear Roommate,
I am thrilled to begin my college experience with you, and I am sure you have been anticipating your first day at Stanford as well. I enjoy meeting new people and sharing in their cultures, so I cannot wait to get to know you. I am an extremely active person who believes that idle time is wasted time; my life is a blur of motion and I prefer it that way. I do make time to slow down, usually by getting lost in a novel and a fuzzy blanket, but I dislike remaining stationary. My life revolves around music and sports, pastimes that consume most of my energy. I like to think that music is an audible expression of the soul, and I appreciate anything from classical to techno. I have played the piano for 12 years and the flute for 8, and frankly, music is my therapy. Little else helps me sort out my emotions like the melodies I weave from the ivory keys; music allows me to free myself. I also play lacrosse; nothing matches my active spirit like the rush of wind and adrenaline that comes from sprinting down the field, ball in crosse, dodging around defenders as I make my way towards the goal. I enjoy the quick pace of the game and the challenge it presents, as well as its slightly aggressive nature. In addition to my physical vigor, my mind is constantly spinning, bouncing thought upon thought like the inside of a pinball machine. I enjoy the quirky intellectual moments that pepper my day, like discussing political issues over a steamy macchiato or pointing out constellations from the hood of a car. The simplest encounters can provoke the deepest contemplations, and anything can provide the inspiration for a brand new thought. I am sure I have much to learn from you as we embark on the rest of our lives here at Stanford, and I cannot wait to begin our friendship.