Writing Feedback / I had to choose between entering the scientific section or the literary section [4]

You have a good idea of what you want the reader to know about you. However, your essay needs a bit more structure. Also, pay attention to punctuations and typos. I suggest you take a look at my essay: check my activities.

Graduate / INTEGRITY, ORGANIZATIONAL EXCELLENCE and PLANNED SOCIAL CONTRIBUTION - MENDOZA MBA ESSAY [2]

Great writing. I think you should revise the first paragraph to immediately grab the attention of your reader. You could start with something like: "I would be dead...". Also, i suggest you include a project that really shows your problem solving skill. The training is more of managerial task than a solution. However, you could portray the task as a process redefinition - which it is i assume, thus showing the reader a fundamental skill (business strategy) required for MBA.

Your writing is good

Graduate / I was fifteen when I first used a Computer - Personal Statement for MBA - Southampton [4]

Thank you vangiespen, you are absolutely right. There is no point writing what is already included in my CV. I have revised the essay, what do you think of it? Thank you for your time and assistance.

Graduate / I was fifteen when I first used a Computer - Personal Statement for MBA - Southampton [4]

Thank you vangiespen, you are absolutely right. There is no point writing what is already included in my CV. I have revised the essay, what do you think of it? Thank you for your time and assistance. Please read this instead

Right from my childhood, I have always considered myself to be a goal oriented individual with creative and enthusiastic methods to problem solving. I was born into a difficult family environment and had to depend on these qualities to overcome social and educational. I also learnt early on, the influence of choices on goals and vice versa. I watched my uncle try to break out of the family cycle. I would see him suffer through his several endeavors and whenever I asked him why he kept on pushing, we would say there are only two clear choices in life (1) to back out of goal-plans and stay in the comfort zone of being "reasonable" or (2) to take it on as a challenge, solve it and seize the opportunity to be in charge of destiny. It is these qualities and philosophy that has taken me from being a child with no prospect to being one of the youngest successful technology strategists in Nigeria.

My interest in strategy dates back to my school days. During secondary school, I was fascinated with the computer and its capacity to solve everyday problem. I spent several hours daily pondering upon how technology tools could be effectively used to solve problems around me. Hacking tools to provide functionality beyond manufacturer's intent soon became a hobby and then a life goal. Like every goal I have, I make a mental note of what is required; skills and the knowledge needed to accomplish it and then tackle each aspect one step at a time.

In the last six years I have made tremendous strides in accomplishing my goal. I have progressed, with great effort, in the technology field. I started my career at seventeen, as a freelance programmer. Knowing I had little or no chance at a credible job due to my age and inexperience, I spent the next two years establishing a presence within the technology field. I volunteered technology services to several non-profits. Working for non-profits turned out to be more beneficial than I had hoped for. Limited funds and workforce at several non-profit organizations meant that I had take on roles such as strategy definition and analysis, which were beyond my primary scope. Over time I began to recognize that these non-technical disciplines both appealed to my interests and engaged a variety of my strengths, from interpersonal skills to problem-solving capabilities.

My experience opened the door to many Job opportunities. During the following years I moved on to the private sector, working as a project manager and business strategist for an advisory firm. My role as a business strategist and project manager saw me work across different environment; government and private. My most influential experience was redefining the pension distribution process for a regional government in Nigeria. Dealing with the Nigerian government opened my eyes to a totally different perspective of business. Businesses seek maximum efficiency; governments seek sufficient efficiency. I was initially overwhelmed at the potential for failure due to my inexperience in government process but I quickly overcome that and went on to build a successful project with the support of a diverse an experience team of strategist.

I could be considered successful by a lot of my peers but I'm still far from my ultimate goal, which is to be the founder of a disruptive technology company by the age of 30. I am yet again faced with a life changing decision to either stay in the comfort zone of my perceived success or take on my ultimate challenge. I have chosen the latter.

However, despite my experience, I still lack some important entrepreneur virtue and knowledge required to take the next step in my career. These virtues; managerial development and problem finding are represented in the bedrock of Southampton's MBA program. My desire to internalize these qualities is the catalyst that drives me to pursue a Southampton's MBA with such conviction.

I also want the journey; I want to see the world of business from an European perspective; I want to engage in intellectual discussions with exceptional peers from different backgrounds all bringing their own values and approaches to business situations; I want to share my experiences and get to learn from the experience of others. I want to build the next layer upon my foundation.