Undergraduate / "The merciless water" - Common Application Essay #1 [4]

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

The merciless water gave meaning and purpose to my life. One week after my family moved to the United States, we went to a friend's house for a pool party. The friendly atmosphere and the familiar usage of the Chinese language soon initiated conversation between the guests. The adults were so busy socializing and the kids were having so much fun playing that no one noticed that my little five-year-old sister was nowhere to be seen. When the host of the party came to the backyard to inform everyone that lunch was ready, his face turned ghostly white as he pointed to the deep end of the pool and gasped, "Why is that child over here floating with her face down and not moving?"

Instantly, seventeen pairs of fear-stricken eyes followed the direction where he pointed. My entire world started to spin when I saw my sister's pale and lifeless face as she was lifted out of the water. My sister! The only person in this world who would pat my back with her tiny hands and tell me that everything will be okay when I felt my world was falling apart. My sister! My only and truest companion in this foreign land called America. Memories of our childhood play flooded my mind. Is she gone forever?

The entire group fell silent as one of the adults knelt down beside my sister and immediately started giving her CPR. With my eyes following his every move, I held my breath and watched. After what seemed like an eternity, an almost inaudible cough came out from my sister's throat. As the man continued with the CPR, large amounts of water violently purged out from my sister's mouth.

I will never forget the moment I saw my sister's eyes open. Emotions overpowered me as I ran forward and put my arms around her little body, trying to hold back the tears welling up in my eyes. At that moment, nothing else in this world mattered. I have only one sister and her near-death incident made me realize how much she meant to me. As I watched my parents and the rest of the group hugging my sister and one another, I pledged to myself that I would always cherish the ephemeral moments of my life and will always watch after my sister to prevent something like that from ever happening again.

It has been six years since the incident, but the memory of my sister's near-drowning is still etched into my brain like it just happened yesterday. At age eleven, I began my quest to live the rest of my life to the fullest. Since then I have reexamined my life goals from time to time to make sure that I remained on track. This experience will serve as my constant reminder to always cherish the times I get to spend with my family and friends. Life is too short for me to let it drift on, faced down, without purpose.

Please give me some suggestions on how to revise it.
Feel free to tear it apart!

Undergraduate / Born in Taiwan - Williams Supplement - Looking Through A Window [7]

Please help me revise my Williams Supplement essay.
English is not my first language and I need all the advice I can get to revise this essay. Thanks in advance!

Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.

I was born in Taipei, capital and most populated city of Taiwan. Every morning, looking out the fourteenth floor apartment, I could see endless rows of cars on the streets, busy vendors pushing their carts trying to sell to pedestrians, and tall skyscrapers high above our heads. Everywhere we went, the city was bursting with energy and the daily buzz of city life. Taipei filled my childhood with an array of opportunities for growth and development. However, shortly after my eleventh birthday, my family left Taipei behind and headed for a new life in America.

The United States offered a new view as my family settled in rural Riverside County. When I looked out the window, instead of seeing endless rows of cars, I saw a boundless field of oyster mushrooms. The streets full of vendors and pedestrians became goats and horses on nearby farms. To top it all, the familiar view of skyscrapers in my childhood turned to vast seas of farm vegetables and live poultry.

As I incorporated Western education into my life, I also tried to shape my unique Taiwanese American identity. America is socially, politically, and culturally different from Taiwan. Trying to merge the two worlds proved to be as difficult as trying to combine the farm scenery with Taipei's city lights.

I often reflect on what I have seen and experienced going to school and living in an isolated rural world, away from the opportunities offered in large cities. I have promised myself that I would not let the apathy of those around me affect my own passion for learning. I will continue to work hard and challenge myself, so that I could thrive when I return to the outside world after college. Looking beyond the mushroom fields, idle chickens and busy farm workers, I discovered a more peaceful and determined self behind a new window.

Undergraduate / Recruiting for Best Buddies - Amherst Supplement Essay [NEW]

Here is my rough draft for the Amherst Supplement essay. Please tell me your opinion. Feel free to tear it apart.
"Difficulty need not foreshadow despair or defeat. Rather achievement can be all the more satisfying because of obstacles surmounted."
Attributed to William Hastie, Amherst Class of 1925, first African-American to serve as a judge for the United States Court of Appeals

Elected as the Best Buddies vice president whose chief responsibility was membership recruitment, I knew before junior year even started that I can expect a challenging year ahead of me. Best Buddies was a brand new club founded on campus during my sophomore year, and from observing the lack of involved members in the previous year, I realized that my recruitment effort would be critical to the successful management of Best Buddies in the future years.

Since students at our school tend to only join the "big" clubs, I knew I had to start early. By early September, advertisements in the school morning announcements promoting Best Buddies could be heard everywhere on campus. I also convinced the Best Buddies adviser to allow us to use some of the money that we raised from the successful fundraisers last year to provide free pizza for our members at the meetings. To my disappointment, still only a small handful of students came to the meetings. At the end of one meeting, as I stacked the boxes of uneaten pizza, I pledged to myself that I would not allow my initial failures to discourage my recruitment effort.

I began to brainstorm new ideas to recruit members. By the following week, I had engaged all the other officers to help establish our membership base. We posted gigantic hand-shaped posters around campus and walked up to every single lunch table to convince students to join. I also organized social activities with other officers to encourage our members to bring their friends. Finally, I arranged with ASB and got all the Best Buddies officers to dance at the quad during lunch to get the attention from the student body. These techniques soon showed powerful results. By the end of my junior year, the Best Buddies membership soared and became the third largest club on campus.

At the Best Buddies End of the Year Party, as I watched the crowds of people socializing, eating, and fighting over the muffins, a sense of satisfaction came to me. Our successful recruitment taught me that difficulty need not result in despair but should instead incite a stronger determination to conquer the difficulty. In the face of difficulty, I chose to surmount it instead of surrendering to it. As I sipped the hot cocoa and glanced at the social scene, I knew for certain that next year's Best Buddies chapter will be bound to a great start.