blubunny5
Oct 26, 2009
Writing Feedback / Rice contribution essay - 'my experience and ability to seek solutions' [2]
The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What perspective do you feel that you will contribute to life at Rice? (Most applicants are able to respond successfully in two to three double-spaced pages.)
Hard work and the determination to overcome any challenges in life are the qualities that I believe I can add to the dynamic life at Rice. In my sixteen years of life, I have lived in three different countries, China, New Zealand and the United States. Though the three places each have their distinctive culture -- the thrifty tradition of the Chinese, the love of nature of New Zealanders, and the warm heart of Americans -- they all reward those who work hard. Hard work is the common culture shared among the three places I lived, and also played an important part of my daily life.
Unlike other kids who spend their childhood by playing games, going to the movies or travelling with their parents on holidays, I spend most of my time with my parents by helping them at our small bakery/café. I have handled the cash register and prepared packets in the kitchen ever since my head barely rose above the counter. Finding time to go to movie together was a luxury in our family. My family life was hard but it helped me realize the implications of my life early and taught me to how to deal with the many challenges we face.
As a child in middle school, I wondered why my parents worked so hard. In the morning, I woke up around five and went to school alone because my parents had left for the shop hours ago. After school, I came home and they were still there working. In order to stay with them I usually went to the shop afterschool and gradually I was able to pickup some work so that it could relieve some of their stress. My first job was to prepare packets of food in the kitchen. As soon as my dad finished cooking the food I rushed over and took the box. I remember many customers liked to tease me when I handled their orders because I was so young. Eventually my job consisted of taking orders through the phone and interacting with the customers because the English language is my parents' biggest challenge. This way they would not have to struggle to communicate as often.
When I was in high school, I could no longer spend large amounts of time working with my parents because the workload from high school increased. Though it was a challenge to maintain good grades at school and long hour work simultaneously, I still managed to help my parents as much as I could. I would bring my homework with me and work on it while there was gap at the shop. I was proud that my hard work could contribute some to my family survival while still pursuing my academic interests.
Hardship of life is not necessarily a bad thing for me. One advantage of living in adversity is that it motivates me to seek solutions. When I found peace while sitting in chemistry or computer science class, I realized that I could change my situation by pursuing and excelling in academic interests. I grew eager for something that would intellectually challenge me, so I began joining different afterschool activities. Last year, I chose to participate in the computer science contest and the regional science UIL. I felt a satisfaction participating in these events that I had not felt before.
Having the opportunity to experience hard work along with my parents helped me grow up stronger than if I had not had such an opportunity. It taught me not to surrender myself to any difficulties in life but to seek ways to overcome them. My parents have been a model of determination for me. The work may have wearied my parents physically, but it could not stop them from unconditionally supporting my academic pursuits. Witnessing my parents struggle, and working along with them help me to appreciate any educational opportunities that I will come across. I do not consider the hardship of my family life as a disadvantage, but rather as an important source of strength which I draw upon to overcome the obstacle in my studies. I feel that my experience and ability to seek solutions to difficulties will contribute positively to the diverse life at Rice.
Am I on the right track?
I feel like I'm rambling and that my essay is too long. Is there anything I should take out?
And please help me with my grammer.
The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What perspective do you feel that you will contribute to life at Rice? (Most applicants are able to respond successfully in two to three double-spaced pages.)
Hard work and the determination to overcome any challenges in life are the qualities that I believe I can add to the dynamic life at Rice. In my sixteen years of life, I have lived in three different countries, China, New Zealand and the United States. Though the three places each have their distinctive culture -- the thrifty tradition of the Chinese, the love of nature of New Zealanders, and the warm heart of Americans -- they all reward those who work hard. Hard work is the common culture shared among the three places I lived, and also played an important part of my daily life.
Unlike other kids who spend their childhood by playing games, going to the movies or travelling with their parents on holidays, I spend most of my time with my parents by helping them at our small bakery/café. I have handled the cash register and prepared packets in the kitchen ever since my head barely rose above the counter. Finding time to go to movie together was a luxury in our family. My family life was hard but it helped me realize the implications of my life early and taught me to how to deal with the many challenges we face.
As a child in middle school, I wondered why my parents worked so hard. In the morning, I woke up around five and went to school alone because my parents had left for the shop hours ago. After school, I came home and they were still there working. In order to stay with them I usually went to the shop afterschool and gradually I was able to pickup some work so that it could relieve some of their stress. My first job was to prepare packets of food in the kitchen. As soon as my dad finished cooking the food I rushed over and took the box. I remember many customers liked to tease me when I handled their orders because I was so young. Eventually my job consisted of taking orders through the phone and interacting with the customers because the English language is my parents' biggest challenge. This way they would not have to struggle to communicate as often.
When I was in high school, I could no longer spend large amounts of time working with my parents because the workload from high school increased. Though it was a challenge to maintain good grades at school and long hour work simultaneously, I still managed to help my parents as much as I could. I would bring my homework with me and work on it while there was gap at the shop. I was proud that my hard work could contribute some to my family survival while still pursuing my academic interests.
Hardship of life is not necessarily a bad thing for me. One advantage of living in adversity is that it motivates me to seek solutions. When I found peace while sitting in chemistry or computer science class, I realized that I could change my situation by pursuing and excelling in academic interests. I grew eager for something that would intellectually challenge me, so I began joining different afterschool activities. Last year, I chose to participate in the computer science contest and the regional science UIL. I felt a satisfaction participating in these events that I had not felt before.
Having the opportunity to experience hard work along with my parents helped me grow up stronger than if I had not had such an opportunity. It taught me not to surrender myself to any difficulties in life but to seek ways to overcome them. My parents have been a model of determination for me. The work may have wearied my parents physically, but it could not stop them from unconditionally supporting my academic pursuits. Witnessing my parents struggle, and working along with them help me to appreciate any educational opportunities that I will come across. I do not consider the hardship of my family life as a disadvantage, but rather as an important source of strength which I draw upon to overcome the obstacle in my studies. I feel that my experience and ability to seek solutions to difficulties will contribute positively to the diverse life at Rice.
Am I on the right track?
I feel like I'm rambling and that my essay is too long. Is there anything I should take out?
And please help me with my grammer.