Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by choi_minho
Joined: Oct 30, 2009
Last Post: Nov 1, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 4
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choi_minho   
Oct 31, 2009
Undergraduate / 'little delicate bells ringing' - Stanford - the Intellectual Engaging essay [6]

Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

When I start, I think of little delicate bells ringing. The faint tinkling of the bells carries solemn weight as it drifts by the canals of Venice. Then, a cast of stronger, more powerful bells joins the cause as gentle waves in the canals below swell. A shift. Raindrops plop playfully as the scene changes.

Underneath the illusion, fingers fly, blurring as they flit from black white keys to others, hunting down those running black dots, so easily discernable from the stark white background. Some huddle in a massive grouping- rapid fingers devour them alive- and some jump high and far- fingers leap to tackle from the above. And coating all that force, is my face, my body. Grief, happiness, intense passion pass through as each scene overtakes another, as each finger flies past another.

Music captivates in that manner. The artistry has to be appealing as the technique has to be perfect. But how does one do that- how does one focus on the main overall topic, the essential meaning of any piece while detailing each intricacy of little phrases and remembering every key stroke simultaneously? Each time my mind plucks one phrase from a sea, the flow becomes disrupted. Suddenly, the piece becomes only notes played but no heralding force pushing forth. So, if each part of the song is as important as the next, then why is it that the overall melody the one to pull a song through? Music is such a paradox.

please tell me your thoughts! tell me absolutely everything you hate about it- including whether you think i answered the topic or not. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
choi_minho   
Nov 1, 2009
Undergraduate / interesting or amusing story about yourself - UGA prompt [8]

hmmm. i like your ideas- the first essay is unique. i feel that you have too many 'was's. it makes the essay kind of bland- take some of them out and replace them with action verbs.

example- "My self-consciousness was overpowering but then I remembered that I am a representational image of my family. There was not a need to feel ashamed about my heritage."

My self- consciousness OVERPOWERED me, but then i remembered that I WAS a ... Why should I feel ashamed about my heritage- or- No, I should not feel ashamed about my heritage.

The latter part of the essay was a bit confusing. Elaborate on why that was so significant and how that made you feel; it willl make the essay more cohesive.
choi_minho   
Nov 1, 2009
Undergraduate / interesting or amusing story about yourself - UGA prompt [8]

oh yeah- i really like mattsaysfierce's idea.
since the first essay is like a quest, what if you were to restructure the essay so that the essay read like a quest? his death was like a journey and if you were to elaborate on the quest, the essay could become really strong.
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