Writing Feedback / How the Internet affect one's critical thinking? [4]

Hello, there. I am currently preparing my IELTS writing exam, but I am lack of skills of elaboration, and I am practicing on it. Would you please help me check if the paragraph good to convince others, is the logic right? Many thanks!

How the Internet affect one's critical thinking?

There are always fake news on the internet which may have negative impacts on one's critical thinking. It is because the government cannot supervise and monitor what people are posting online every moument. This allows people to post things online freely, whatever they want to express, thereby, some of the information they posted in public may be exaggerated the details of which is not true and involve some personal emotions, which would be the negative feelings like hate and jealousy, and convince people to believe it is true. For example, during the pandemic, some people refused to wearing masks because they personally do not prefer it, and they make up with some harmful effects led by wearing masks, or worse cause asphyxiation, and post them online; but in fact, wearing mask does reduce the risk of getting infection of the Covid-19. Spreading those kinds of information can manipulate people feelings and views, which would make them cannot judge and criticize things based on truth or without emotions, because, as human being, we cannot avoid to get influences from others. Thus, the result would be reduction of the individual ability of critical thinking because of manipulation from the internet.

Writing Feedback / Chart - Anthropology students decisions and Table - salaries of the anthropologists [2]

IELTS Task 1 Pie Chart and Table

Task1:
The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years.

The pie chart shows what destination of anthropology graduates from one university took after graduating from their degree courses, the table compares the salaries the anthropologists received after five-years work in three different types of employment: freelance consultants, government sector and privates companies .

Overall, the majority Anthropology students chose to work after graduation, and the anthropologists who worked in government sector relatively earned higher incomes than other types of employment.

In the pie chart, over half of graduated anthropology students worked full time, accounting for the most significant percentage, while only 5% of them continued to study postgraduate degree and working part-time at the same time. The percentage of part-time workers, which was similar with unemployed's counterpart, occupied the second significant at 15%, compared with just 8% in both factors of full-time postgrad-study and not-known.

As shown in table, most of anthropologists in government sector earned over 100,000 dollar, at 50%, while the least at 20% in salaries between $25,000 and $74,999. Meanwhile, the freelance consultants were overwhelmingly employed in the upper pay scales at 40% in both $75,000 - $99,999 and $100,000+, the remainders were same as the government sector. However, in private companies, only 30% of employees payed over $100,000, and over half of them received lower payment under $74,999.

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