Undergraduate / Common APP Essay- High School Basketball Chronicles [7]

I have just completed my 300 page autobiography. This is an excerpt from page 185-187...
Chapter 15
High School Basketball Chronicles

... I fling the ball to Danish, anticipating a return- pass. The pass never comes. Despite being heavily mobbed by opposition defenders, he goes for his trademark Hook Shot- a real crowd pleaser. We can only watch in frustration as the ball is knocked out of his hand by the opposing point guard. The counter attack is vicious and catches our defense in disarray. I watch helplessly as their talisman scores on the layup. Danish's selfish game play had cost us the match yet again. As I leave the court dejected and depressed, I know that this will be my last match.

How did it come to this? As I drove home, I traced the history of Danish's affiliation with the team. Tall and good looking, Danish was the scion of a wealthy, landowning family that had been part of the political establishment for many decades. His exorbitant wealth and legacy- so potent in a feudal hierarchical structure like Pakistan's- required deference. People naturally listened to him. And we were no different. So when Danish decided to join the basketball team, there really was no question as to who would make all the decisions and lead the team.

Danish was talented for sure. Few could dribble the ball so meticulously and fewer still could execute the Jump Shot with such precision. But his leadership- so naturally assumed- was a disaster. Danish was irresponsible, selfish and egocentric. He would arrive late for training sessions or skip them entirely. Strategies and plays were chalked out entirely to suit Danish's style of play, with complete disregard for the team's strengths and weaknesses. Consequently, the team was disorganized, ill-disciplined and lacked cohesion.

The moment of truth was finally here. I could no longer continue under Danish's dictatorial, egocentric leadership. I rehearsed the words over a thousand times before finally calling Danish. I told him the truth. He took it as expected, blaming me for the team's problems. He tried to persuade me to continue but I refused flat out.

I knew there would be repercussions. I had already prepared myself for social ostracism and for life as a pariah. Heck, I could not even rule out the possibility of threatening phone calls. Surely this was the end of my basketball career. You simply could not have public confrontation with him and hope to get away unscathed.

The next step was to inform the rest of the team. Rather amazingly- even though we had never discussed this before- they told me they felt exactly the same way. Even more surprisingly we had somehow managed to qualify for the final. This was highly unexpected. In an incredible turn of events, the team unanimously voted for Danish's exclusion from the team.

Danish's exclusion meant that team members had to adapt to new playing positions- and quick. His adroitness was sorely missed by the team. But we persevered in our decision. His self righteousness and arrogance had cost the team before and had to now be punished. All decisions were now made with the general consensus of the team. New strategies were chalked out, ones more suited to the team's strengths. New plays were formulated. Grueling drills were held and penalties imposed on those who arrived late. So it was that we approached the final as a regimented, wholesome and more formidable outfit.

And we proved our worth. We played as a seamless unit, passing swiftly and unerringly. Our opponents didn't know what hit them, as we robbed their offence and scythed through their defense. The plan was implemented with clinical accuracy.

....I fling the ball to Asad. He is immediately mobbed by opposing defenders. 10 seconds left. He flings the ball back to me. Adrenaline binds to my receptors. I bend my knees and straighten my shooting arm, as the ball rolls off my finger tips. I watch, in slow motion, as it approaches the rim. Swish! The crowd roars as the bell goes off. We win by 20 points. The crown is ours.

*******

Just a game but it defined me. Just a game but it taught me importance of upholding principles and taking risks. It led me to take the initiative against the deep roots of cultural biases that plague our society. Just a game but it taught me the importance of effective leadership, unyielding discipline and solid teamwork. Just a game but one that proved me to be a fighter.

*******

I close my eyes as my euphoric teammates engulf me in tight embrace. I find myself wondering if there was a broader lesson in what had happened with our team. Could it be that our country of 170 million people was struggling for similar reasons? Egotistical, corrupt leadership. Indiscipline. Inability of the masses to rise against this feudal injustice. Hmmm...Definitely something worth pondering over later. But right now, I must join in the festivities....

Ok...So I'm really confused. Please tell me what you think about the content. And I know I've messed up the tenses. The first paragraph and the final 2 paragraphs are in the present tense and the rest of the essay is in the past tense. Please suggest how i can correct this. Cuz an autobiography is supposed be in the past tense but if I put the 'paragraphs describing the game into past tense', it sounds very weird.

Undergraduate / Rhodes College Supplement Essay- 'Why Rhodes?' - my dream. [4]

WHY RHODES?

I dream about it. It is situated in Memphis- an ideal location to enjoy the more aesthetic pleasures of life with its riverboat tours, art galleries and ethnic restaurants. It is a relatively small 100 acre campus. But this small size allows for a small closely knit community, in a safe and secure setting-the perfect place for learning. The campus itself is a feast for the eyes. The buildings are all monumental pieces of gothic architecture- their graceful curves draped abundantly in intertwining ivy. These buildings are surrounded by finely manicured lawns and formal gardens. Aha! The Rollow Avenue of Oaks. It is a sublime sight to behold, particularly at sunset when the dark green leaves mingle with the red and orange, and the black silhouettes of the oaks stand against the setting sun. As night approaches, the bell chimes and the colored windows glow red, blue and green, adding an exotic touch to the picturesque surroundings. But this idyllic location and this scenic campus are only the beginning of my dream.

In my dream, I come across a large number of very talented and dedicated people. I meet Aaron Fitzgerald, president of the student government. He relates how Rhodes has helped him develop as a person and as a leader. Betsy Parkinson acknowledges how students are allowed to strike a balance between a rigorous academics and leisurely pursuits. She strives to excel in her organic chemistry course and simultaneously, organizes fun activities like the liquid nitrogen icecream party. I meet Sameer, a compatriot, who provides me with first hand observations about the Honor Code. These are the Faces of Rhodes. Joyful faces, with sparkling eyes- fully satisfied with the offerings of college. They are a diverse group of people from different backgrounds and culturesand yet they are one. The same unique traditions bring them together in their desire to excel, their willingness to take risks and their indomitable tenacity in the face of challenges. These students are a source of energy, the architects of campus life. They breathe life to this idyllic setting. They are the great artists, scientists and leaders of tomorrow. And in my dream, I am one of them....

The 'college experience' has me overwhelmed. I discuss philosophy and politics over drinks at the Burrow Refractory with people who will become an integral part of my future. I question widely held beliefs and try to develop my own perspective of things. My professors encourage me in this regard. These Professors- they are a dedicated group of people, who make learning truly an enjoyable experience. Some like Professor Birnbaum do this by organizing trips to Egypt. Others like Professor Loretta Jackson-Hayes make me comfortable in the lab. They are all very amiable and approachable. I am undecided about my academic major but this vibrant community of peers and professors helps me decide. On Fridays, I root for my basketball team in the Bryan Campus Life Centre. On Saturdays, I root for my science Project in Frazier Jelke Sceince centre Centre. On Sundays, I bond with my Sigma Nu Fraternity. And all this while, I prepare for mega events like the Rites of Spring Festival. Opportunities beckon. I decide to take up the Study Abroad Program and hone my skills in French at the University of Poitiers. I remain busy at all times, refusing to waste a single moment of the four most important years of my life.