haidin
Sep 22, 2024
Scholarship / Civil consultant - personal statement GKS-U [2]
Can anyone please give a criticism and suggestion for my essay please, thank you!
Vice versa.
This common phrase, "vice versa," signifies a reversed or reciprocal relationship. Since I was a child, my parents always encouraged their children to be kind to one another and positively impact our surroundings, regardless of our diverse conditions and backgrounds, and to expect the same in return. While this may sound like a cliché, it was a fundamental lesson in our family, teaching us to make choices that foster mutual respect, balance, and equality in all our relationships and interactions.
I am the child, introduced as a child and student, who was born in Jakarta on May 30th, 2005. Fully named is Adinda Finishia Mumtaaz, named by the two elder sisters, which are sister number one and number two. When the pronunciation consists of three languages, namely Indonesian-English-Arabic. "Adinda" is the youngest sister, "Finishia" is the last child our parents have, and "Mumtaaz" in the Arabic language means the most special. My whole full name means "My Last and Most Special Sister." Also, everyone called me Dinda. I was born in Jakarta as a Sundanese and Betawi descendant mixed, then grew up in a huge family, the last child of 11 siblings. My parents, especially my father, a cracker seller who travelled store by store, by his simple motorcycle, and a senior high school graduate. In contrast, my mother is a housewife who effectively cares for us, maintains a balanced lifestyle, and provides us with the best possible. She graduated from a proficient elementary school.
I graduated high school on May 21, 2024. During there, I majored in natural science with involvement in various activities. My first year in high school, I became a member of the informatics division of the student council. This was very challenging for bring the school's project, especially when we became a bridge for information to be transmitted communicatively and realised programs including making a podcast by inviting well-known public figures for the school's YouTube channels, both offline and online bulletin boards (Skymagzz), by serving as the secretary for two years. While serving as secretary in my first year because of the COVID-19 pandemic, I managed all responsibilities online, including updating the organizational structure on the school's journalism website, creating an Instagram account to engage with our target audience, and organizing online meetings to plan future projects. Then, in my second year, I took on more responsibilities, such as creating monthly recaps of school activities and an interview for well-known public figure about their impressions of school events. Furthermore, I am part of the student council regeneration and became the head of religious division, I took on responsibilities among four different religions to remain neutral because sometimes I led both celebrations, providing different approaches for each, as every religious community has its own way of observing and celebrating their beliefs, I always discussed these matters with my division members, including a member who was of a different religion, and also discussed them with the relevant religious teacher. Towards the end of my position, I was entrusted with the event section for major annual events, namely Boing Cup as an inter-school sports competition and Colours of Music (COLOMUS) as an arts performance event that invited several well-known musicians, and I had the opportunity to serve as liaison officer for one of the artists.
Through these phases, being involved in school has projects that are supposed to be for the entire school community, including I learnt when I became a member of the informatics division that we should make collaborative teams, which often require effective communication so that there is no miscommunication of information to the entire school community and when I became head of religious division to more wisely of my words and actions, understanding that tolerance is not only a principle responsibility to the entire community but also balance my beliefs while respecting others, creating an inclusive atmosphere in our school, and demonstrating the power of mutual respect and understanding. Additionally, becoming a secretary in journalism taught me valuable skills in digital communication and strategy; I also developed my communication, leadership, and organization skills. More importantly, I learnt how to think creatively, work efficiently under pressure, and connect teams. These experiences fueled my personal intelligence and broadened my understanding of effective communication from teamwork to dreamwork.
Not only was I active in various extracurricular activities, but I also demonstrated a strong eagerness to study. One of my notable traits observed during class was my excellent work ethic. I consistently prepared for class, paid attention, and understood the importance of teamwork in achieving goals. As a result, I achieved a high score of 95 out of 100 in both Chemistry and English during my first year of senior high school. I showed excellent academic performance not only in these subjects but across the board. I ranked 2nd out of 34 students in my class during the first year in high school and 44th out of 112 students in the class of 2023/2024. My strong academic record is further evidenced by a CGPA of 89 out of 100 for three years of high school, reflecting my enthusiasm for learning. In addition, I reached the final round of the first-year Mathematics Olympiad and the second-year Physics Olympiad in the Angkasa Mathematics & Science Olympiad. I also won several prestigious awards, including a gold medal in the National Chemistry Olympiad, and a silver medal in both the National Physics and Mathematics Olympiads.
Majoring in natural science in high school and leading a team in designing a house mockup project for our 12th grade final assignment demonstrated my interest in pursuing civil engineering. My team and I represented various elements and components of the house mockup, visualizing the design concept through a classroom presentation, and we achieved the best results among the four groups. Moreover, my ambition is deeply rooted in my childhood experiences. I grew up in a house with asbestos roofing until now, where I lived with 11 siblings and my parents. My family encountered numerous challenges, including health risks related to my mother's respiratory diseases, psychological impacts on my two older siblings with intellectual disabilities, limited space and privacy to an overcrowded became challenging living environment because of financial constraints. These experiences have heightened my awareness of the difficulties faced by individuals in similar situations and have motivated me to pursue civil engineering.
Furthermore, civil engineering strives daily to improve the conditions under which we live. The constructions of roads, railways, ports, damn and other types of civil infrastructures allow the structuring, and enable territories economical and society activity. Besides, it plays a major role in the development of technologies needed for energy production and the mitigation of both human and naturally occurring disasters or phenomena such as earthquake or environmental degradation connected to soil pollution or minerals extraction, which remain the foundation of national economies. The associated environmental aspects of all these activities are totally integrated within civil engineering projects nowadays. That benefits the ecosystem, but also the human being as a component thereof.
During my research on universities in the Global Korea Scholarship (GKS) program, I found that Daejeon University its known not only in oriental medicine but also as a growing hub of science and technology in South Korea. The university's role in civil engineering projects makes it an appealing choice for aspiring engineers like myself. While the engineering program is still developing, it is recognized for its supportive academic environment and collaborative faculty. A key attraction for me is the personalized teaching approach in the civil engineering department, known for its innovative research and practical learning. Faculty members like Professor Cho Yunchul, with 31 scientific publications, bring expertise in structural engineering, material science, and sustainable construction, offering students valuable hands-on experience in projects that impact South Korea's infrastructure. In addition, Daejeon University is ranked 7th among the top civil engineering schools in Daejeon City, known as "Asia's Silicon Valley" for its technological innovation. With proximity to Daedeok Innopolis, a major R&D hub, the university offers unique opportunities for collaboration with top research institutes, allowing students to engage in interdisciplinary projects related to smart cities, sustainable infrastructure, and environmental engineering, aligning with my goals in civil engineering.
Joining your department and working jointly with faculty member like Professor Cho Yunchul, will contribute to your goal of becoming future civil consultant in the maintain infrastructure of society. My aim is to get involved in the development of more efficient and improving living conditions underprivileged communities, taking advantage of innovative technologies and sustainable practices that remain underutilized in many areas. Moreover, I would also like to be part some of initiatives that department holds in this area, like the Clean Energy Hackathon. I am aware that admission to your Civil and Environmental Engineering Bachelor's Program is competitive, but I am qualified and fully prepared to meet all the challenges that bachelor studies may present.
Can anyone please give a criticism and suggestion for my essay please, thank you!
Vice versa.
This common phrase, "vice versa," signifies a reversed or reciprocal relationship. Since I was a child, my parents always encouraged their children to be kind to one another and positively impact our surroundings, regardless of our diverse conditions and backgrounds, and to expect the same in return. While this may sound like a cliché, it was a fundamental lesson in our family, teaching us to make choices that foster mutual respect, balance, and equality in all our relationships and interactions.
I am the child, introduced as a child and student, who was born in Jakarta on May 30th, 2005. Fully named is Adinda Finishia Mumtaaz, named by the two elder sisters, which are sister number one and number two. When the pronunciation consists of three languages, namely Indonesian-English-Arabic. "Adinda" is the youngest sister, "Finishia" is the last child our parents have, and "Mumtaaz" in the Arabic language means the most special. My whole full name means "My Last and Most Special Sister." Also, everyone called me Dinda. I was born in Jakarta as a Sundanese and Betawi descendant mixed, then grew up in a huge family, the last child of 11 siblings. My parents, especially my father, a cracker seller who travelled store by store, by his simple motorcycle, and a senior high school graduate. In contrast, my mother is a housewife who effectively cares for us, maintains a balanced lifestyle, and provides us with the best possible. She graduated from a proficient elementary school.
I graduated high school on May 21, 2024. During there, I majored in natural science with involvement in various activities. My first year in high school, I became a member of the informatics division of the student council. This was very challenging for bring the school's project, especially when we became a bridge for information to be transmitted communicatively and realised programs including making a podcast by inviting well-known public figures for the school's YouTube channels, both offline and online bulletin boards (Skymagzz), by serving as the secretary for two years. While serving as secretary in my first year because of the COVID-19 pandemic, I managed all responsibilities online, including updating the organizational structure on the school's journalism website, creating an Instagram account to engage with our target audience, and organizing online meetings to plan future projects. Then, in my second year, I took on more responsibilities, such as creating monthly recaps of school activities and an interview for well-known public figure about their impressions of school events. Furthermore, I am part of the student council regeneration and became the head of religious division, I took on responsibilities among four different religions to remain neutral because sometimes I led both celebrations, providing different approaches for each, as every religious community has its own way of observing and celebrating their beliefs, I always discussed these matters with my division members, including a member who was of a different religion, and also discussed them with the relevant religious teacher. Towards the end of my position, I was entrusted with the event section for major annual events, namely Boing Cup as an inter-school sports competition and Colours of Music (COLOMUS) as an arts performance event that invited several well-known musicians, and I had the opportunity to serve as liaison officer for one of the artists.
Through these phases, being involved in school has projects that are supposed to be for the entire school community, including I learnt when I became a member of the informatics division that we should make collaborative teams, which often require effective communication so that there is no miscommunication of information to the entire school community and when I became head of religious division to more wisely of my words and actions, understanding that tolerance is not only a principle responsibility to the entire community but also balance my beliefs while respecting others, creating an inclusive atmosphere in our school, and demonstrating the power of mutual respect and understanding. Additionally, becoming a secretary in journalism taught me valuable skills in digital communication and strategy; I also developed my communication, leadership, and organization skills. More importantly, I learnt how to think creatively, work efficiently under pressure, and connect teams. These experiences fueled my personal intelligence and broadened my understanding of effective communication from teamwork to dreamwork.
Not only was I active in various extracurricular activities, but I also demonstrated a strong eagerness to study. One of my notable traits observed during class was my excellent work ethic. I consistently prepared for class, paid attention, and understood the importance of teamwork in achieving goals. As a result, I achieved a high score of 95 out of 100 in both Chemistry and English during my first year of senior high school. I showed excellent academic performance not only in these subjects but across the board. I ranked 2nd out of 34 students in my class during the first year in high school and 44th out of 112 students in the class of 2023/2024. My strong academic record is further evidenced by a CGPA of 89 out of 100 for three years of high school, reflecting my enthusiasm for learning. In addition, I reached the final round of the first-year Mathematics Olympiad and the second-year Physics Olympiad in the Angkasa Mathematics & Science Olympiad. I also won several prestigious awards, including a gold medal in the National Chemistry Olympiad, and a silver medal in both the National Physics and Mathematics Olympiads.
Majoring in natural science in high school and leading a team in designing a house mockup project for our 12th grade final assignment demonstrated my interest in pursuing civil engineering. My team and I represented various elements and components of the house mockup, visualizing the design concept through a classroom presentation, and we achieved the best results among the four groups. Moreover, my ambition is deeply rooted in my childhood experiences. I grew up in a house with asbestos roofing until now, where I lived with 11 siblings and my parents. My family encountered numerous challenges, including health risks related to my mother's respiratory diseases, psychological impacts on my two older siblings with intellectual disabilities, limited space and privacy to an overcrowded became challenging living environment because of financial constraints. These experiences have heightened my awareness of the difficulties faced by individuals in similar situations and have motivated me to pursue civil engineering.
Furthermore, civil engineering strives daily to improve the conditions under which we live. The constructions of roads, railways, ports, damn and other types of civil infrastructures allow the structuring, and enable territories economical and society activity. Besides, it plays a major role in the development of technologies needed for energy production and the mitigation of both human and naturally occurring disasters or phenomena such as earthquake or environmental degradation connected to soil pollution or minerals extraction, which remain the foundation of national economies. The associated environmental aspects of all these activities are totally integrated within civil engineering projects nowadays. That benefits the ecosystem, but also the human being as a component thereof.
During my research on universities in the Global Korea Scholarship (GKS) program, I found that Daejeon University its known not only in oriental medicine but also as a growing hub of science and technology in South Korea. The university's role in civil engineering projects makes it an appealing choice for aspiring engineers like myself. While the engineering program is still developing, it is recognized for its supportive academic environment and collaborative faculty. A key attraction for me is the personalized teaching approach in the civil engineering department, known for its innovative research and practical learning. Faculty members like Professor Cho Yunchul, with 31 scientific publications, bring expertise in structural engineering, material science, and sustainable construction, offering students valuable hands-on experience in projects that impact South Korea's infrastructure. In addition, Daejeon University is ranked 7th among the top civil engineering schools in Daejeon City, known as "Asia's Silicon Valley" for its technological innovation. With proximity to Daedeok Innopolis, a major R&D hub, the university offers unique opportunities for collaboration with top research institutes, allowing students to engage in interdisciplinary projects related to smart cities, sustainable infrastructure, and environmental engineering, aligning with my goals in civil engineering.
Joining your department and working jointly with faculty member like Professor Cho Yunchul, will contribute to your goal of becoming future civil consultant in the maintain infrastructure of society. My aim is to get involved in the development of more efficient and improving living conditions underprivileged communities, taking advantage of innovative technologies and sustainable practices that remain underutilized in many areas. Moreover, I would also like to be part some of initiatives that department holds in this area, like the Clean Energy Hackathon. I am aware that admission to your Civil and Environmental Engineering Bachelor's Program is competitive, but I am qualified and fully prepared to meet all the challenges that bachelor studies may present.