Undergraduate / International student from Korea - my English wouldn't develop there - advice on my entrance essay [5]

English Grad Studies, "Born in USSR" - proofreading my SoP

Hello everybody!

I am an international student applying to Graduate program in English.. I feel a bit worried about my statement of purpose, whether I missed some important points or made stylistic/grammar mistakes..

Can I please post my essay here in order to be reviewed?

Thank you and happy holidays!