Undergraduate / Essay about my negative experience with someone else's culture [3]

Part 2 for personal statement

Directions: Describe an experience of cultural difference, positive or negative, you have had or observed. What did you learn from it?

I know I am a Chinese American, but I never noticed the difference between me and my blonde Barbie doll. When I was little, diversity wasn't something my eyes could spot out. To me, I always felt like everyone looked the same. As a child I never learned the ability to focus on somebody's looks; that is until one day I invited my neighbor over to my house who happened to be an African American. My neighbor and I were bicycling earlier and he wanted a cup of water to drink. My aunt was babysitting me that day and when she saw him, she tried to kick him out of the house. The memory of my aunt telling him to leave was very unclear because I didn't know what was happening at the time. After he left the house, my aunt yelled at me for letting him in. I was still young and didn't understand what was happening and why she got so angry at me. Later that night, my parents came home and my aunt had a talk with them. Apparently my aunt was afraid that my neighbor was going to steal our things because she heard that African Americans tend to steal. Since that day her words puzzle me whenever I look at a "black" person. I started to notice that the kids at school had different eye color, hair texture, and facial structures. Then I would see that kids at school eat different foods than I would eat a home and that not everyone celebrates the same holidays as I do such as Chinese New Years. Eventually, kids at school would tell me that my eyes were small and I was too short. This is when I started to realize I wasn't comparable to Barbie's looks. Although it was hard to accept what I really looked like to people and how different our lifestyles were, I still stick to the fact that we are all the same. Even though my eyes may be smaller, there is no difference in my vision in comparison to others and what I eat may be different from what others eat, but we all still require food to live. To me my neighbor wasn't a thief because he never stole from me and how my aunt had reacted towards his appearance only bettered me as a person to accept people regardless of their looks.

can anyone tell me what i can do to make this better/ any errors?/ anything i don't need?/ does it answer the question in the direction?/ does it catch your attention?/ suggestions?

Undergraduate / Statement Family's experience ("they think I'm the typical Chinese person") [3]

i'm having ALOT of difficulties concluding it/ continuing it. anyone wanna help? edit? suggestions?

The Personal Statement is our best means of getting to know you and your best means of creating a context for your academic performance. When you write your personal statement, tell us about those aspects of your life that are not apparent from your academic record:

* a character-defining moment
* the cultural awareness you've developed
* a challenge faced
* a personal hardship or barrier overcome

Directions
Choose either 1 or 2. Recommended length: 2 pages. (500-650 words)

1. Discuss how your family's experience or cultural history enriched you or presented you with opportunities or challenges in pursuing your educational goals.

People say I have good grades because they think I'm the typical Chinese person that can magically succeed in school without breaking a sweat. What they don't know is that I actually work hard to get the grades that I have.

Growing up was very difficult for me since my parents were originally born in China and I was the first child they raised in the United States. It was hard for them to teach me how to speak English because they were also beginning to learn the language as well. I felt like I was suffering going to school everyday being the girl who didn't know how to talk or read. When kids at school would try to talk to me, I wouldn't understand what they are saying which made it extremely difficult for me to make friends.

After school I would bring home homework and I would ask my parents for help. Of course, my parents wouldn't understand the assignment so they would go out of their way to ask our neighbors and their co-workers for help. My parents tried their best to help me with my school work, but for every progress report I would receive scores of zero, one, and two out of the highest score of four. I always felt disappointed in myself because all the Asian Americans would get fours on their progress reports. My parent's dream was to come to American, raise children, hope they are well educated, and to go to college and get a good paying job to support them when they're old. Seeing how low my grades were, I had no hope that I would make it into college.

My parents worked as bankers back in China. Coming to America, they were reduced to work jobs that require less intelligence but more energy and able bodies. My dad works as a carpenter and my mother worked as a waitress. Both my parents faced many injuries due to the work. My dad had a spinal cord injury when he fell off his 32 foot ladder. After he healed, he still had to deal with vigorous work that placed a lot of weight on his back which led to further problems. My mother came home before with her fingernail missing or had to go to the hospital to get her finger reattached. Because she was a waitress and was paid minimum wage, she worked long hours which tired down her back/hip area causing unknown body pains that would make her scream every time she moved. Seeing how much my parents sacrificed to support me, it encouraged me to repay them by working even harder in school.