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Statement Family's experience ("they think I'm the typical Chinese person")


deanne 2 / 3  
Nov 29, 2009   #1
i'm having ALOT of difficulties concluding it/ continuing it. anyone wanna help? edit? suggestions?

The Personal Statement is our best means of getting to know you and your best means of creating a context for your academic performance. When you write your personal statement, tell us about those aspects of your life that are not apparent from your academic record:

* a character-defining moment
* the cultural awareness you've developed
* a challenge faced
* a personal hardship or barrier overcome

Directions
Choose either 1 or 2. Recommended length: 2 pages. (500-650 words)

1. Discuss how your family's experience or cultural history enriched you or presented you with opportunities or challenges in pursuing your educational goals.

People say I have good grades because they think I'm the typical Chinese person that can magically succeed in school without breaking a sweat. What they don't know is that I actually work hard to get the grades that I have.

Growing up was very difficult for me since my parents were originally born in China and I was the first child they raised in the United States. It was hard for them to teach me how to speak English because they were also beginning to learn the language as well. I felt like I was suffering going to school everyday being the girl who didn't know how to talk or read. When kids at school would try to talk to me, I wouldn't understand what they are saying which made it extremely difficult for me to make friends.

After school I would bring home homework and I would ask my parents for help. Of course, my parents wouldn't understand the assignment so they would go out of their way to ask our neighbors and their co-workers for help. My parents tried their best to help me with my school work, but for every progress report I would receive scores of zero, one, and two out of the highest score of four. I always felt disappointed in myself because all the Asian Americans would get fours on their progress reports. My parent's dream was to come to American, raise children, hope they are well educated, and to go to college and get a good paying job to support them when they're old. Seeing how low my grades were, I had no hope that I would make it into college.

My parents worked as bankers back in China. Coming to America, they were reduced to work jobs that require less intelligence but more energy and able bodies. My dad works as a carpenter and my mother worked as a waitress. Both my parents faced many injuries due to the work. My dad had a spinal cord injury when he fell off his 32 foot ladder. After he healed, he still had to deal with vigorous work that placed a lot of weight on his back which led to further problems. My mother came home before with her fingernail missing or had to go to the hospital to get her finger reattached. Because she was a waitress and was paid minimum wage, she worked long hours which tired down her back/hip area causing unknown body pains that would make her scream every time she moved. Seeing how much my parents sacrificed to support me, it encouraged me to repay them by working even harder in school.

kayyao 6 / 20  
Nov 29, 2009   #2
yes, have to say you are really typical. "repay them" sounds creepy, do you have a better word. It's just my personal opinion ~~~

"faced many injuries"? I'm not sure it is right or not. google it.
good luck! I'm from China too=D
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Dec 1, 2009   #3
You write very well! Just use some commas:
Growing up in America was very difficult for me , since my parents were originally born in China and I was the first child they raised in the United States. It was hard for them to teach me how to speak English , because they were also beginning to learn the language as well. I felt like I was suffering going to school everyday , being the girl who didn't know how to talk or read.

My parents had worked as bankers back in China. Coming to America, they were reduced to working jobs that required less intelligence but more energy and able bodies.


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