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Posts by Mememe
Joined: Nov 27, 2009
Last Post: Nov 28, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: USA

Displayed posts: 4
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Mememe   
Nov 27, 2009
Undergraduate / Organization, coalition building, and public policy - UC #1 - Political Science [3]

Hi, I'm applying to Berkeley and I would appreciate any and all feedback and criticism! Feel free to tear it apart, I'm not sensitive about it...I just want it to be good. Thanks for your help!!!

#1 - What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement. *

My interest in political science developed more as an evolution of conscience than a premeditated career choice. I had explored the possibility of many other career paths, from psychology to pediatrics, non-profit business to teaching; I wanted to make a difference in the lives of others but I could not decide which direction to go in. When I stumbled upon the world of political activism, however, I immediately realized that this was where I belonged all along.

A product of generational poverty, I have inherited a unique perspective of experience that shapes my life and strengthens my commitment to improve the lives of others. I have witnessed the realities of hunger, sub-standard schools, dismal living conditions, and the debilitating sense of helplessness that accompanies the disadvantaged. As I grew older, I began to develop an understanding and awareness that awakened me to reality that my struggle is far from unique. Unlike so many others, however, I have had the opportunity to break free from the culture of poverty in which I have been immersed for the majority of my life.

It was not until I moved back to my hometown of Orlando after several years, that I would find my passion in political science. In fact, it was during the presidential campaigns of 2008 as I was canvassing through neighborhoods and talking to the people of my city that I discovered a sense of community that I had never felt before. As I went house to house, I spoke to single mothers struggling to make ends meet, elderly people forced to choose between medication and food, and the countless families who had lost their jobs and now faced the reality of foreclosure. It was in hearing the personal stories of those nameless people who I encounter every day without a second thought that I realized that my struggle is their struggle and their struggle is mine. I finally understood the interconnectedness of it all and it was in that moment that I decided that I would dedicate my life to improving the lives of those left marginalized by their government.

Upon discovering that my future would lie in the political spectrum, I have been given opportunities to attend training in political activism, leadership, grassroots organizing, coalition building, and public policy. For the past year I have worked with Amnesty International which has provided me with indispensible training and experience. Through Amnesty International, I have been able to raise awareness on my campus of human rights abuses across the globe and in our own community. I have been able to work with numerous local organizations to campaign for local issues such as immigrant rights, domestic violence, poverty, and equal rights for the LGBT community.

I am disheartened by these injustices that leave so many disenfranchised and helpless but I am inspired by hope for a better world ï so I will work to obtain the education and experience necessary to educate, mobilize, and strengthen my community. Since the founding of this country, community organizers have made huge waves of change and with my passion, drive, and determination I intend to do the same.
Mememe   
Nov 27, 2009
Undergraduate / Shadowing in Philly, an Eye Opening Experience, uc prompt II [2]

The "real world" was so much more different than I had expected. Remove the word more.

Mrs. Smith, the patient, would not cooperate, however, and proceeded to throw the doctor out of the room.

According to the other doctors at the clinic, it was an honor to be acknowledged by the doctor to that extent. I would consider revising this sentence.

Thinking of this experience now drives my ambition to become a doctor much like Doctor Sataloff. I would suggest mentioning the qualities of Dr. Sataloff that you would like to emulate. It will make for a stronger conclusion.
Mememe   
Nov 27, 2009
Undergraduate / Cornell - take full advantage of the opportunities [5]

At that time, my difficulty to hold a full conversation clouded any scientific concern I possessed for the condition. ...holding a conversation...

As time progressed, however, my speech impediment had ceased to a less than mild condition. Try using another word for "condition." It seems redundant.

Eventually, this research into genetics developed into a severe desire to study and solve the mysteries behind genetics and neurogenic development. ...an intense desire...

With a program of study that taught through discussion and research rather than the old-fashioned textbook approach, Cornell became my ideal learning environment. Instead of saying it became your ideal learning environment, maybe you can say "Cornell became my first choice due to its ideal learning environment."

At Cornell University, I would take full advantage of the opportunities offered in disciples of genetics and development. disciplines.

Excellent essay!
Mememe   
Nov 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Organization, coalition building, and public policy - UC #1 - Political Science [3]

Thank you for your input!

"I spoke to single mothers struggling to make ends meet, elderly people forced to choose between medication and food, and the countless families who had lost their jobs and now faced the reality of foreclosure. It was in hearing the personal stories of those nameless people who I encounter every day without a second thought that I realized that my struggle is their struggle and their struggle is mine." - That is all mine, not quoted or paraphrased or even influenced by anyone else. So, thank you...I'll take that as a compliment. =) lol

Thanks again...this was helpful!
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