Undergraduate / common app. essay. "why & how my friends influence me?" [2]

so i'm pretty bad with english, especially essay writing so i would greatly appreciate it of you guys could help me with my application essay.

what should i change about it, if its good, if it bad, how can i make it better, etc.
BE COMPLETELY HONEST. PLEASE.
Also, im somewhat stuck on a conclusion at the moment so any ideas would be really helpful
thanks a lot guys =)

this is for the common app and i chose the pick your own topic.