Undergraduate / My first appearance on Stage; Significant Experience [2]

Hello, I want to apply on HWS and the deadline is 01/february.however, i haven't finished my essay yet.can you help me by giving me some advice about how should i make my essay clear?

Here's what I have in mind
When I was in the 9th grade, i participated in a Mister contest, and i would like to write something about that day.about how it showed me how it is to be on stage and how wonderful a moment in the spotlight can be

after that moment, i took up theatre and during 3 years of work i got from a simple novice school actor to a fearless one that even played the lead character on a national stage

during high school i presented and organised that Mister contest 2 years in a row and i got experience on stage.Moreover I was invited to be te presenter of a State Mister contest, and to be the host for 2 debates (1 statal in the presence of the Major and 1 national in the presence of the minister of education).I also have a place in Student's Government (Statal)

What I actually want to emphasize is about how I hard I've been working to improve my acting and about how I've been trying to improve my ability to handle pressure.

can you tell me whether is a good essay idea and give me some ideas like some phrases to link these things and what i should emphasize?

P.s. Everything started from my first appearance on stage

03 November 2004.I can still feel my legs trembeling because of the emotions i used to have at the prom.I was to parade in front of the hundreds of people and show them that I deserved to become Mister Carabella 2004.After 30 seconds of boiled adrenaline, i started to adapt de situation.The blinding flashes did not seem to bother me anymore. When I entered the stage for the 2nd round, I realized how overwhelming was the feel of being in the spotlight.I suddenly realised that that was the life i wanted to follow.

Furthermore, in order to get on stage again, the year after I enrolled at the same Mister contest, but this time as one of the organizers. After that I was elected to be the presenter. When I was on stage again I had that feeling as if I was on the right way to the top. After I had shown great interest, passion and skill in what I did, I was invited to present it the year after too. There was nothing to stop me from ascension.

Moreover, in the 10th grade, I met Mr. David, a theatre director, who liked me from the first glimpse and asked me if I wanted to join his theatre team, a shot that I took advantage of. Then, was the moment when my heavy artillery started to develop. During the years, I developed my free speaking, the power to bear in my mind long monologues, the ability to order lines and actions logical ways, rhetoric, and the most important, I have learnt how to control my emotions, how to get rid of uncomfortable feelings while on stage, I have learnt how to psychologically overcome and solve problems simpler in the day to day life.

As a proof of my perseverance stand the numerous plays I have played in, plays in which my roles varied chronologically from episodic up to lead roles. However, my most important role was the lead role in "Wings of snow", the role of a man whose beloved dies, a play that was directed for charity and took place on the stage of the National Theatre Toni Bulandra in Targoviste.

However, my school life was not only about ascension, gathering skills, and achieving popularity among my peers with no obstacle. Good times never come alone; there is always burden around the corner to test your strength and faith. When I was in the 10th grade, my family was cursed...My father had a vascular accident which, soon after, developed into paralysis. Due to my brother not living at home and my mother having to work to support the family, I had to stay at home and focus my free time in helping my father's slow recovery, sometimes not being able to involve in other activities, and I was even forced to miss some classes periodically. After nearly one year, the time started to show us that he is the only one that can heal this type of wounds. From this, I learnt that life can be awful sometimes, and the only thing that we can do is to hold our head up and let the time take care of things.

After my father started to feel a bit better, my diligent work, my persistence and my assiduous pursuit of my goals paid back, and soon my academics repaid me again as in the 11th grade, I was one of the founder of the School's Magazine, in which I wrote some articles about "Alfa Males", an ironical comparison between men and women, article that raised my popularity among my colleagues.

Later, in the 12th grade, I was invited to be the presenter of the "Miss & Mister Dambovita" contest (a beauty contest at the county level) which I am to present this year in March.

Currently, I am the one from my school that is involved in every activity that includes speeches, from speeches on special occasions up to monologues in theather, or debates about violence in school (Department of the County's Students' Council that I am in charge with).

In the future, I hope and I will certainly do my best to become a public person, as I consider that this is the life that would fit me best and as my friends recommend me to start my career either in publicity and advertising or in Film/Theatre.

...and everything started on 03 November 2004

Can you give me some tips?Thank you!

Letters / Comenius Socrates program; Letter of Recommendation for my student [NEW]

Hello, can you tell me whether this letter sounds correct, and is on the good way as I am not a good writer, and my English is not the best

I have known Ciprian since 2004, when I became the teacher responsible for the student's collective as well as his geography teacher. From this position, I can say that I had many chances to know him better and to remark his abilities.

Compared to the other students of his class, Ciprian dedicated his time particularly to extracurricular activities, being able to maintain at the same time his high academic level.

Our teacher to student relationship was consolidated when the student was in the 9th grade, to be more certain, on a trip in the Comenius Socrates program, in which Ciprian successfully managed to prove everybody that he is very social, creating friendship relations with young men of other nationalities too.

In Ciprian's relationship with his class colleagues, he demonstrated altruism and lack of egoism by the fact that he has always been trying to enforce his colleagues' interest about the activities he was involved in, without fearing that there may be somebody better than him to take his place.

As for his relation to the other teachers, in the last three years and a half I have not received any complaint from any of them, as he has always shown respect for the entire didactic collective, as well as he has shown great interest in the classes he liked best.

One of his strengths is the devotement that he allots to an activity, successfully leading it to an end, no matter what obstacle he meets, sometimes trying to overcome himself .This year, I was pleasantly impressed about the progress that I have seen between his first and last appearance on stage (He is involved in many activities including stage appearances such as "Beauty contests" that he presented or theatre plays where he gallantly acted in many lead roles).

Knowing that he is more passionate of history than of geography, I find his results in my subject impressing. His capacity of creating logical connections and the ease with who he orientates on the map are only few of his abilities that lead him to a more than satisfying grade.

From my point of view, Ciprian's future is brilliant, in my opinion contributing his organizatoric and social skills that have been demonstrated in the numerous activities that he organized. Certainly, he will make his presence felt in a positive way in the community in which he will live.

I personally strongly recommend this student for admission to Jacobs University of Bremen

Letters / I can vouch that he is one of the most brilliant students; letter of Recommendation [2]

I have first met Ciprian Gabel three and a half years ago when I became his informatics teacher. From this position, I can vouch that he is one of the most brilliant and conscientious student that I have encountered in my entire career. He has a very comprehensive understanding of the subject and has good analytical skills

He has proved himself as an independent learner as he studies not only the text covering the syllabus but other books and generals related to the topics. During the lessons he would jot interesting and intelligent questions that he would ask at the end. This act of his has resulted in arousing thinking skills to develop in his classmates and better understanding of the lesson.

Our relationship, in my opinion, is not only a teacher-student one, but a friendship one. Being responsible with the anti-violence projects in our county, I asked for the students' help. Ciprian volunteered, as he was already in charge with the Direction of Discipline and Security in the Local Student's Council, and so our friendship consolidated by working together in class on academic subjects, as well as off-school on Discipline matters.

From my knowledge, I am not the only one pleased of his activities, as he did not waste many chances to help someone. For example, the biology teacher initiated a Red Cross team, and Ciprian was the only boy that joined the 6 persons group. Even tough it was his first year in this kind of activity; this did not stop him and his group from going above their teacher's expectations and winning the 1st place in his county.

Ciprian is also very popular among his colleagues as he has always been trying to help them in every aspect that he was be able to. He has an extremely amiable personality and he shows great consideration and deep respect for others. On numerous occasions, he helped some students in various areas in Informatics. Soft spoken and polite, he demonstrates the best of behavior and excellent study habits.

The sound work of ethic and the ability to handle the work under pressure are only few of his strengths. Last week he demonstrated that he was one of the best of his class in Informatics, by finding the solution to a difficult problem in a relatively short time. He positively impressed me.

He has been constantly trying to achieve more skills in the subjects that he likes. For example, he surprised me with some advanced Photoshop Art Work, as well as other arts, like theater or the ironic articles that he published in the School's Magazine.

Ciprian Gabel led his high school in numerous co-curricular events. As his teacher I strongly believe that his commitment, intellectual ability and enthusiasm for learning are qualities that should serve him ell in his future endeavors. He is undoubtedly the type of student that has the potential for great success at the college level. His natural abilities, combined with his ethic and ability to evolve academically, are recipes for success in the years to come.

I enthusiastically recommend him for admission to your institution