Undergraduate / Turning Point Essay for Stanford Exchange [9]

Hopefully this will offer some help. This is an edited version of the 3rd last paragraph and the 1st sentence of the 2nd last paragraph.

This statement pierced my heart. How could such a simple statement make such an impact? It pointed out the importance of releasing the mundane and reconsidering my life. It was time to take action. Time management, although not a strong suit, would become a priority. Leaving my fantasy land for the real world would make a difference in my life. Being a good student with top level grades was already in place. Being a team player and a responsible daughter came naturally. Inner happiness and peace were part of my internal makeup. Organization, an area which challenged me, would be a new priority. Although my sister didn't verbalize this, through her actions she illustrated this and the ways of the world for me. Looking back, it always appeared that she was a natural success. In spite of the fact that she is five years my junior, she enlightened me and taught me about who I was and who I wanted to become. No longer did my sister seem unfamiliar and distant. Rather I feared not measuring up to standards worthy of being her older sister. At that point, I committed to being a better person for her, for myself, and for us.

Releasing the fear, I would take more chances. Taking responsibility for myself and my life, I would welcome new opportunities.