mansoor2
Dec 14, 2009
Essays / An essay that compares two books - what you understand from these? [2]
I've written an essay that compares two books, u dont have to know anythin bout the book or anything. all i want is this, i would like someone, to copy and paste this into somethin, and under each paragraph, just write what is it they understand? i would like to know, ahead of time, what another human (the marker) will have goin thru his/her head, i would sincerely appreciate it, i would ask one of my friends, but theyl be humble, or unrealistic. please, if u do take upon this task, its only 800 words, just please tell me what is it that you understand from each paragraph, caus when ur writin somethin, you get swallowed in, in beliefs that the structure is proper, please i would really appreciate it. This thing does not support footnotes, so the numbers became big numbers lol, and at the bottom ive attached changes, i mite want to make, or question i asked myself, these are not important, if you wanna help me solve em, do not hestiate so, if not its okay, i dont mind, but please just write down under each paragraph, what is it u understand, and what do u think it should be doin. i warn thy, its structure is, open, meaning a sentence, if read directly, would make no sense, its like each sentence requires it to be read twice, i guess, to appreciate the value. either way, atleast please just read and write under the paragraph wat u understand, id appreciate it alot!
STARTS HERE@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
The Fictitious, Perfect Circle, An Analysis of Caesar & Exile's Return
The calmness of a motion, waves upon the surface of the ocean, striding back and forth, synchronizes a symphony, a rhythm, or33 a mere justification, of the beautiful of existence, of the law of conservation. An ideal, yet truly unmared1 to this reality, reigns upon the hearts4 of the dignitary3, 11, and twines upon the unneccessities2. Simplicity, in its finest degree5 bar's6 through the facets of 10 family, nature (mother), and stereotypes7 from 8 true biblical reality9. To sail upon the journey13, one must leave Caesar12 and Exile's Return, books of inducement14 to the15 theory74.
Family, as the19 devout history describes22 the20 phenomenon, through a18 thousand-year-old pen, "We have enjoined on man, kindness, 71 [his family]..." (Quran 29:8), is a notion to be cherished among the wise17, 23, "The curse of the LORD is in the house of the wicked: but he blesseth the habitation of the just" (Proverbs 3:33), an aspect to feared by the provocateurs16. Yet, even the holy sanctuary, a21 family, can act as the miniscule24 push needed as, "Family quarrels have a total bitterness unmatched by [any] others," (McLaughlin, Mignon) to fall over the36 edge.
Brutus, a relative of the protagonist in Caesar34 had been born with endless beauty. Beauty so vivid26, acting as a sole source, it could illuminate25 darkness, in its entirety. Until the age of purity and innocence, adolescent, in which he began to take the35 rigid form, of a man.34 During the sensitive years, as the change became more intensive; Brutus was in need of comfort. As the pains of light reflecting from the mirror suffocated him, 54 extending his established chain with his family further, by increasing his relations with his mother, Servilia largely.72
Brutus, 73 emotionally reliant on a figure valued at "more than a hundred schoolmasters (due to inflation, it has quadrupled, in present day)" (Herbert, George) finds that his mother does not demonstrate the full sincerity he perceived. Servilia, fearful of her ever-increasing, demeaning stature in society, married her son for wealth benefits, an attribution that led to intense grief in a man with fragile emotions of a child, and40 the outer shell resembling a horrid monster. 56 Yet the possible potential of renormalization, "Power could bring him what face, and body couldn't," (McCullough 57) allures a demeaning smear, into acceptance in27 one's character28. To discredit29 the norm a family has established itself in the history books, through plaguing the elevated status, mothers are held at, for intermingling a vicious smear30 of 36 thirst for power over the welfare of a fragile illuminant32. 55 "The treacherous are caught by their own greed," (Proverbs 11:6) 31 Before going to bed, the forces of ethnics rallied together for a last battle, in which, half conscience, he shone light on the reasons that sustained their marriage to his wife. The experience and endurance of life did not prepare Brutus to acknowledge his wife's suicide the next morning, and his mother's comments "Help me die." (McCullough 83) Awkwardly, 37 he felt free, from the repressed, 57from the possibilities of any burdens on him from playing the role of a father.57 "All ...will be taught by the LORD, and great will be your children's peace." (New Bible 54:13)
"You [my son, Kasper] are a force to be feared" (Feist 22) as the father of the protagonist, 40 valued at "a hundred schoolmasters" (Herbert, George) proclaims in Exiles Return. Yet, "A father [(supposedly) gives] compassion [to] his children" (Psalm 103:13) a mere antiquity39? Provoking unrest and unveiling the darkness 47 allows desires of an empty wine cup42, once again to arise41 from its ashes to quench its43 thirst. Kasper driven forward, by the force52 of illusion 47, through "a mix of fever dreams" (Feist 20) reins upon destruction as eloquently, as a48 beautiful45 whirlwind, reins46 in fear44, 53, 58. 61Continuing to sail upon these waters, leads to extremity59, 60, as arrogance 49 reigned over65 the last specks of the flickering lights50 in the loom74 of darkness, "[Surely] he (I, Kasper) was no one's pawn." 61 (92)
Inducing a current through these hazy untamed fields of unchartered land, as his father had conduced, upon Kasper63, for the62 purpose of establishing the long forgotten, meek fame of their past king, as demonstrated, provoked Kasper into the belief of an illusion, that power exists behind67 the64 brute force. In retaliation, time unravelled its beauty, when it wrought66 rationalization upon Kasper's father, "To [bring] fear, is not the tool of diplomacy and governance (of a life) 68, my son."(22) "Self-conceit ...lead to self-destruction," (Aesop 550 B.C.) yet, it70 was essentially not enough to purify the veins of Kasper's plagued69 blood. "Everything is destroyed by its own particular vice: the destructive power resides within. Rust destroys iron, moths destroy clothes, the worm eats away the wood; but greatest of all evils is [thirst], the impious habitant of corrupt souls, which ever was, is, and shall be a consuming disease." (Menander 342 B.C.- 292 B.C.)
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these are reference points, or notes, i took to see if i should change/ move / delete somethin.
1Mare= female horse, therfre to be without female horse = unmared, no?
2necessities is okay, so when something is unnecessary, and plural= unneccessities? no? hw bout unnecessaries (or un-necce..?)? no?
3 instead change 2= "Those of dignity.".no?
4singular. no? leave plural? Yes. 5 degree? plural? no? point? no?
6 bars or bar's? no? change instead= "cades" through ? no?
7=stereotypical concievements? no?
8=+the thf= from the true? no? or add "a"? no?
9 biblical reality=perfect world, leave word as it is? no?
10=+the? no? yes, added the.
11= how to add emphasis on it? Its 1 word, but key cuz supposed to dignify "character" lol? no?
12 Caesar by Coleen McCullough, but is it okay to write title and use footnote to indicate author name? no? sorry? Yes lol
13 meant to act as transition? no? one more thing= sail upon journey= too outside? meaning too much to be sailin one point and next not? no?
14thought provoking, what impression does som1 get? not important? no? initial one dealt wit electric charge bein produced in outline. replace no?
15 current=the no? replace with its? no? dnt like its, too much weight on shoulders. no?
16 a person who provokes the weak to illicit. change? no?
17=wise right now. no? if replace with grateful will represent more? no?
18= a thousand no? better if= "its" thousand...? no?
19 rite now=the devout history.. if change="as devout history" = no like? = remove the then? no?
20=the right now =change to its? = "its" phenomenon? no?
21 =a family. no? or change to= the family? no?
22= describe rite now. no? I like to change= scribes instead of describe. no? nonplural= scribe. no?
23 want it to = steadfast. no? emphasis must be large, trying to describe those are really good people shud be at this status.
24 = before = horrid no? no like? If no like.. = new one=horrible. no?
25 right now= could illuminate. no like. no? change to more directly, tangible thf newone= illuminates darkness in its entirety. no?
26= use vibrant instead? no? or electrically vibrant? no? something to solidify that prescence of child was a gift to be in. no?
33 use "and" thf= "and a mere..."? no? or wat about "attempts, at a mere..."
34 dont like sentence, sounds a bit childish cud be improved, end first sentence illumating darkness in its entirety until the age of adolescent.
35 change to in which he began to take a rigid form, of man. 36 add "the other" edge ? no? remove italics? no?
54 incomplete, add "he sought refuge in extending his established..."
71 should = essentially a family, the quran describes its features in the verse, but does not directly say wat the quote, but conclusively it seems evident, thf use or replace?
72 largely, is out of place, delete largely.
27=acceptance in therefore, is rite now. change? if so= of= therefore = smears into acceptance of one's character. no?
28 does last part say, it attracts a dark smudge on one's character, if not, emphasis on how to say, dark image on character. no?
29= could say undermine. no? real point trying to get across is a word like speculating on stocks, and knwnig it will fall. Give sensation. no?
30 smear=no good, works okay, but could replace. no? replace with more tangibility. no?
31 I feel at this spot I NEED TO DO A LOT OF WORK, REEDIT MUCH OF IT, go in wit more quotes, leav a bit summary out, dunno getting out of the bounds of sincerity it seems. Aswell use a understandin that first para was nice, so try to repeat durin next stage.
32 the sentence seems to cut short, revise make it a bit shorter, add less implications more sincerity. new= rhythmatic
36 of "the" thirst?
37 "left him feeling free"? no? it enforces complication of future intermingling with presence. Therefore use= "left him, to feel free"
38 "the", leave it as? or "a" or "his"? no?
39 add= a mere antiquity "in today's reality"? no? how bout in today's world?
40 add= "with a stature of more than..." no?
41 empty wine cup, to refuel.
42 wine glass or cup?
43 replace with one's? or replace with:= to arise to quench its thirst. no? to arise to quench the thirst? no?
55 replace . with ", and so" this/these sections will determine the "essence" of the structure, this base, atm seems to be at risk. thf utmost quality.
dis is said in respect to acklwdging that, until now specific passages
56 does not produce results, too "official", thf bad sentence, caus previous clause = "sensationally, sensitive" and this clause= 'official'. Thf takes out of context and abuses structure, replace, but the role it plays, as it avoids describing much, is too great to be degraded as such.
57 replace, does not provide sensation, seems redundant caus supporting a message to take deep down to the heart, with somthin not introduced, out of contxt, and chopped overall into 1 whole. When replacing, put emotions= #1 priority n link with real life situation of "experience of burden
73 add "finds himself now", else too much assumption takin place= no good.
74 replace with reality?
44 add of death? Also replace storms with= rain reins in fear
45 remove beautiful?
46 replace with contracts?
47 add from the higher order? no? meant to reference to the father. Dnt use on behalf of father, out of spectrum.
48 change to= as the beautiful? no?
49 add " now reigned" ?
50 light? no plural? no?
51 add , "comma"?
52 plural or leave singular? If plural = forces
53 replace simile with, "as the eloquent farmer performs his duty, harvesting the essence(s) of life from billions.
58 wanty to italic "fear, " to emphasis, the necessity of this act. It is a necessity, not a desire, but only when dwelled in too deep, must find resolution, cuz this is where the understandin will be amplified the most, as it is open ended.
59 extremity of behaviour of character? Does not fulfill to tie any knots.
60 is the word proper? Seems undiligent, as it will pose a threat of unclarity, and just shockwaves from readin word, seems too much of a weight to make up for?
61 nt sure if clauses truly demonstrate, figuratively, these "waters" of r danger to character. Convrt to long sntence if necessary, but gt msg across.
62 the or a purpose?
63 remove upon kasper, it ruins the symphony, in general by restating.
64 replace with "a"?
65 another possible= as arrogance reined [in?] darkness over ...? which one optimizes the clause?
66 simplify by replacing with brought? Cuz to do so, gives "time" a distinct identity= no good, thf leave as it is?
67 replace with in front? seems confusin... needs replacement.
68 add as square brackets or leave as just, or remove the content inside brackets? cuz it demonstrates clearly, another interpretation=no good
69 lol I don't think this emphasizes that he's dieing from this(plague gradually kills...) lol, for that is the price he pays, either way, the structure I think can still implicate that understandin, if not it still holds, but to make it weak is no good.
70 needs to be replaced, the clause should say that it= the advice/warnin/lessons the father learned from these mistakes.
74 replace with plural? looms or leave singular, loom?
I've written an essay that compares two books, u dont have to know anythin bout the book or anything. all i want is this, i would like someone, to copy and paste this into somethin, and under each paragraph, just write what is it they understand? i would like to know, ahead of time, what another human (the marker) will have goin thru his/her head, i would sincerely appreciate it, i would ask one of my friends, but theyl be humble, or unrealistic. please, if u do take upon this task, its only 800 words, just please tell me what is it that you understand from each paragraph, caus when ur writin somethin, you get swallowed in, in beliefs that the structure is proper, please i would really appreciate it. This thing does not support footnotes, so the numbers became big numbers lol, and at the bottom ive attached changes, i mite want to make, or question i asked myself, these are not important, if you wanna help me solve em, do not hestiate so, if not its okay, i dont mind, but please just write down under each paragraph, what is it u understand, and what do u think it should be doin. i warn thy, its structure is, open, meaning a sentence, if read directly, would make no sense, its like each sentence requires it to be read twice, i guess, to appreciate the value. either way, atleast please just read and write under the paragraph wat u understand, id appreciate it alot!
STARTS HERE@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
The Fictitious, Perfect Circle, An Analysis of Caesar & Exile's Return
The calmness of a motion, waves upon the surface of the ocean, striding back and forth, synchronizes a symphony, a rhythm, or33 a mere justification, of the beautiful of existence, of the law of conservation. An ideal, yet truly unmared1 to this reality, reigns upon the hearts4 of the dignitary3, 11, and twines upon the unneccessities2. Simplicity, in its finest degree5 bar's6 through the facets of 10 family, nature (mother), and stereotypes7 from 8 true biblical reality9. To sail upon the journey13, one must leave Caesar12 and Exile's Return, books of inducement14 to the15 theory74.
Family, as the19 devout history describes22 the20 phenomenon, through a18 thousand-year-old pen, "We have enjoined on man, kindness, 71 [his family]..." (Quran 29:8), is a notion to be cherished among the wise17, 23, "The curse of the LORD is in the house of the wicked: but he blesseth the habitation of the just" (Proverbs 3:33), an aspect to feared by the provocateurs16. Yet, even the holy sanctuary, a21 family, can act as the miniscule24 push needed as, "Family quarrels have a total bitterness unmatched by [any] others," (McLaughlin, Mignon) to fall over the36 edge.
Brutus, a relative of the protagonist in Caesar34 had been born with endless beauty. Beauty so vivid26, acting as a sole source, it could illuminate25 darkness, in its entirety. Until the age of purity and innocence, adolescent, in which he began to take the35 rigid form, of a man.34 During the sensitive years, as the change became more intensive; Brutus was in need of comfort. As the pains of light reflecting from the mirror suffocated him, 54 extending his established chain with his family further, by increasing his relations with his mother, Servilia largely.72
Brutus, 73 emotionally reliant on a figure valued at "more than a hundred schoolmasters (due to inflation, it has quadrupled, in present day)" (Herbert, George) finds that his mother does not demonstrate the full sincerity he perceived. Servilia, fearful of her ever-increasing, demeaning stature in society, married her son for wealth benefits, an attribution that led to intense grief in a man with fragile emotions of a child, and40 the outer shell resembling a horrid monster. 56 Yet the possible potential of renormalization, "Power could bring him what face, and body couldn't," (McCullough 57) allures a demeaning smear, into acceptance in27 one's character28. To discredit29 the norm a family has established itself in the history books, through plaguing the elevated status, mothers are held at, for intermingling a vicious smear30 of 36 thirst for power over the welfare of a fragile illuminant32. 55 "The treacherous are caught by their own greed," (Proverbs 11:6) 31 Before going to bed, the forces of ethnics rallied together for a last battle, in which, half conscience, he shone light on the reasons that sustained their marriage to his wife. The experience and endurance of life did not prepare Brutus to acknowledge his wife's suicide the next morning, and his mother's comments "Help me die." (McCullough 83) Awkwardly, 37 he felt free, from the repressed, 57from the possibilities of any burdens on him from playing the role of a father.57 "All ...will be taught by the LORD, and great will be your children's peace." (New Bible 54:13)
"You [my son, Kasper] are a force to be feared" (Feist 22) as the father of the protagonist, 40 valued at "a hundred schoolmasters" (Herbert, George) proclaims in Exiles Return. Yet, "A father [(supposedly) gives] compassion [to] his children" (Psalm 103:13) a mere antiquity39? Provoking unrest and unveiling the darkness 47 allows desires of an empty wine cup42, once again to arise41 from its ashes to quench its43 thirst. Kasper driven forward, by the force52 of illusion 47, through "a mix of fever dreams" (Feist 20) reins upon destruction as eloquently, as a48 beautiful45 whirlwind, reins46 in fear44, 53, 58. 61Continuing to sail upon these waters, leads to extremity59, 60, as arrogance 49 reigned over65 the last specks of the flickering lights50 in the loom74 of darkness, "[Surely] he (I, Kasper) was no one's pawn." 61 (92)
Inducing a current through these hazy untamed fields of unchartered land, as his father had conduced, upon Kasper63, for the62 purpose of establishing the long forgotten, meek fame of their past king, as demonstrated, provoked Kasper into the belief of an illusion, that power exists behind67 the64 brute force. In retaliation, time unravelled its beauty, when it wrought66 rationalization upon Kasper's father, "To [bring] fear, is not the tool of diplomacy and governance (of a life) 68, my son."(22) "Self-conceit ...lead to self-destruction," (Aesop 550 B.C.) yet, it70 was essentially not enough to purify the veins of Kasper's plagued69 blood. "Everything is destroyed by its own particular vice: the destructive power resides within. Rust destroys iron, moths destroy clothes, the worm eats away the wood; but greatest of all evils is [thirst], the impious habitant of corrupt souls, which ever was, is, and shall be a consuming disease." (Menander 342 B.C.- 292 B.C.)
ENDS HERE@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
these are reference points, or notes, i took to see if i should change/ move / delete somethin.
1Mare= female horse, therfre to be without female horse = unmared, no?
2necessities is okay, so when something is unnecessary, and plural= unneccessities? no? hw bout unnecessaries (or un-necce..?)? no?
3 instead change 2= "Those of dignity.".no?
4singular. no? leave plural? Yes. 5 degree? plural? no? point? no?
6 bars or bar's? no? change instead= "cades" through ? no?
7=stereotypical concievements? no?
8=+the thf= from the true? no? or add "a"? no?
9 biblical reality=perfect world, leave word as it is? no?
10=+the? no? yes, added the.
11= how to add emphasis on it? Its 1 word, but key cuz supposed to dignify "character" lol? no?
12 Caesar by Coleen McCullough, but is it okay to write title and use footnote to indicate author name? no? sorry? Yes lol
13 meant to act as transition? no? one more thing= sail upon journey= too outside? meaning too much to be sailin one point and next not? no?
14thought provoking, what impression does som1 get? not important? no? initial one dealt wit electric charge bein produced in outline. replace no?
15 current=the no? replace with its? no? dnt like its, too much weight on shoulders. no?
16 a person who provokes the weak to illicit. change? no?
17=wise right now. no? if replace with grateful will represent more? no?
18= a thousand no? better if= "its" thousand...? no?
19 rite now=the devout history.. if change="as devout history" = no like? = remove the then? no?
20=the right now =change to its? = "its" phenomenon? no?
21 =a family. no? or change to= the family? no?
22= describe rite now. no? I like to change= scribes instead of describe. no? nonplural= scribe. no?
23 want it to = steadfast. no? emphasis must be large, trying to describe those are really good people shud be at this status.
24 = before = horrid no? no like? If no like.. = new one=horrible. no?
25 right now= could illuminate. no like. no? change to more directly, tangible thf newone= illuminates darkness in its entirety. no?
26= use vibrant instead? no? or electrically vibrant? no? something to solidify that prescence of child was a gift to be in. no?
33 use "and" thf= "and a mere..."? no? or wat about "attempts, at a mere..."
34 dont like sentence, sounds a bit childish cud be improved, end first sentence illumating darkness in its entirety until the age of adolescent.
35 change to in which he began to take a rigid form, of man. 36 add "the other" edge ? no? remove italics? no?
54 incomplete, add "he sought refuge in extending his established..."
71 should = essentially a family, the quran describes its features in the verse, but does not directly say wat the quote, but conclusively it seems evident, thf use or replace?
72 largely, is out of place, delete largely.
27=acceptance in therefore, is rite now. change? if so= of= therefore = smears into acceptance of one's character. no?
28 does last part say, it attracts a dark smudge on one's character, if not, emphasis on how to say, dark image on character. no?
29= could say undermine. no? real point trying to get across is a word like speculating on stocks, and knwnig it will fall. Give sensation. no?
30 smear=no good, works okay, but could replace. no? replace with more tangibility. no?
31 I feel at this spot I NEED TO DO A LOT OF WORK, REEDIT MUCH OF IT, go in wit more quotes, leav a bit summary out, dunno getting out of the bounds of sincerity it seems. Aswell use a understandin that first para was nice, so try to repeat durin next stage.
32 the sentence seems to cut short, revise make it a bit shorter, add less implications more sincerity. new= rhythmatic
36 of "the" thirst?
37 "left him feeling free"? no? it enforces complication of future intermingling with presence. Therefore use= "left him, to feel free"
38 "the", leave it as? or "a" or "his"? no?
39 add= a mere antiquity "in today's reality"? no? how bout in today's world?
40 add= "with a stature of more than..." no?
41 empty wine cup, to refuel.
42 wine glass or cup?
43 replace with one's? or replace with:= to arise to quench its thirst. no? to arise to quench the thirst? no?
55 replace . with ", and so" this/these sections will determine the "essence" of the structure, this base, atm seems to be at risk. thf utmost quality.
dis is said in respect to acklwdging that, until now specific passages
56 does not produce results, too "official", thf bad sentence, caus previous clause = "sensationally, sensitive" and this clause= 'official'. Thf takes out of context and abuses structure, replace, but the role it plays, as it avoids describing much, is too great to be degraded as such.
57 replace, does not provide sensation, seems redundant caus supporting a message to take deep down to the heart, with somthin not introduced, out of contxt, and chopped overall into 1 whole. When replacing, put emotions= #1 priority n link with real life situation of "experience of burden
73 add "finds himself now", else too much assumption takin place= no good.
74 replace with reality?
44 add of death? Also replace storms with= rain reins in fear
45 remove beautiful?
46 replace with contracts?
47 add from the higher order? no? meant to reference to the father. Dnt use on behalf of father, out of spectrum.
48 change to= as the beautiful? no?
49 add " now reigned" ?
50 light? no plural? no?
51 add , "comma"?
52 plural or leave singular? If plural = forces
53 replace simile with, "as the eloquent farmer performs his duty, harvesting the essence(s) of life from billions.
58 wanty to italic "fear, " to emphasis, the necessity of this act. It is a necessity, not a desire, but only when dwelled in too deep, must find resolution, cuz this is where the understandin will be amplified the most, as it is open ended.
59 extremity of behaviour of character? Does not fulfill to tie any knots.
60 is the word proper? Seems undiligent, as it will pose a threat of unclarity, and just shockwaves from readin word, seems too much of a weight to make up for?
61 nt sure if clauses truly demonstrate, figuratively, these "waters" of r danger to character. Convrt to long sntence if necessary, but gt msg across.
62 the or a purpose?
63 remove upon kasper, it ruins the symphony, in general by restating.
64 replace with "a"?
65 another possible= as arrogance reined [in?] darkness over ...? which one optimizes the clause?
66 simplify by replacing with brought? Cuz to do so, gives "time" a distinct identity= no good, thf leave as it is?
67 replace with in front? seems confusin... needs replacement.
68 add as square brackets or leave as just, or remove the content inside brackets? cuz it demonstrates clearly, another interpretation=no good
69 lol I don't think this emphasizes that he's dieing from this(plague gradually kills...) lol, for that is the price he pays, either way, the structure I think can still implicate that understandin, if not it still holds, but to make it weak is no good.
70 needs to be replaced, the clause should say that it= the advice/warnin/lessons the father learned from these mistakes.
74 replace with plural? looms or leave singular, loom?