Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by hlk5065
Joined: Dec 22, 2009
Last Post: Dec 28, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 4
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hlk5065   
Dec 22, 2009
Undergraduate / "my school's Pom squad" - Common App Short Answer - Activity [4]

Prompt: In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience) (150 words or fewer).

Being a "typical" Asian girl-a shy, quiet, straight-A student-I surprised many of my peers when I made it onto my school's Pom squad. Similar to a dance team, the squad is one of the most popular and elite groups at my school with over sixty eager girls trying out every year for nine available spots. My sophomore year, I was one of those nine girls. Since then, being on the squad has certainly changed my high school experience. I have become friends with girls who I never would have talked to otherwise-girls who have helped me break free from my quiet exterior. After performing at football games and competing in festivals, I have shown my friends and fellow peers that I am more than just that "shy Asian girl." Yes, I get good grades. Yes, I am good at math. But being on the squad has taught me that I have so many other great qualities outside of the academic realm, and becoming a Pom was just the first step in displaying those qualities. Now, I am on the verge of beginning a new chapter in my life, and I can't wait to share more.

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i know this is a little longer than 150 words, so i'll make sure to cut down on it.. but am i on the right track so far? i feel like i'm talking about myself more than the actual activity.. would you agree?

any kind of feedback would be great. thank you! (:
hlk5065   
Dec 22, 2009
Undergraduate / "my school's Pom squad" - Common App Short Answer - Activity [4]

so i tweaked a few things, but i'm still at 198 words. please let me know if there is any information i can take out.. or even if there's some info that i should add. i was thinking that maybe it would be more helpful if i actually stated what my "other great qualities" were.. but you be the judge.

also, no one has answered my questions from my previous post so that would be really helpful, too. again, ANY feedback would be greatly appreciated!
hlk5065   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Can I start my essay creatively (like this) for Brown? [5]

thank you so much to all three of you!
i just wanted to make sure the admissions people would take my answer seriously haha. but after reading your opinions, i definitely think i'll stick with this!

thanks again!
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