Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by piefacexd
Joined: Dec 22, 2009
Last Post: Dec 28, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  

Displayed posts: 3
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
piefacexd   
Dec 24, 2009
Undergraduate / "art has become a passion of mine" - CommonAPP main essay suggestions? [3]

Hi i want to use this essay for my common app main one but I'm not sure if its any good. Is it ok for my influential person to be someone i dont remember well? Please, any help will be greatly appreciated.

In that moment everything was silent, perfectly still. The noisy crowd melted away against the waves of intense focus dedicated solely on the pencil. The only sound heard was the muted scratch of graphite on the grainy, white paper. A pair of curious eyes watched intently as the pencil looped and curved creating gentle arches and shades of pure obsidian. Round and round it danced across the paper forming an image unknown to the little boy's watchful eyes. Like a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat, this lone pencil was creating beauty and wonderment out of emptiness. What could it be? Deep in thought, the young boy concentrated to decipher the mysterious image being brought to life. Suddenly, a smile crept upon his face as the mystery revealed itself. The long pointed teeth, the striped body, and the gleaming feline eyes all seem to leap from the page with perfect clarity and realization.

"A Tiger! It's a Tiger!" I exclaimed happily. Again, I looked down at the page with amazement. Just a few minutes ago there was nothing but emptiness in front of me, but now the emptiness was filled with the ferocious gaze of a tiger. It was pure magic.

At the time I was convinced I had met a true magician, a God with the ability to Create. Truthfully, I don't remember who this person was, what he looked like, or even his name. All I can remember was his magical wand, his pencil, from which he produced the most amazing things. For the rest of my life, I would be completely captivated by his fascinating ability to Create.

I would meet the Magician once every so often at a family gathering of sort, where tables of delicious Chinese food spanned the rooms and the clatter of Mahjong pieces hitting one another meshed into the symphony of countless Chinese conversations. Being an American born child amidst all these adults and unable to speak Chinese, I was separated from their raucous fun and I absolutely hated it. Every month I would sit, eat, and be bored out of my mind. Until the day The Magician arrived and decided to show me something truly amazing. He noticed me slumped in a chair, festering in my boredom, and motioned me to join him with a wave of his hand. Once I arrived it became instantly apparent that we couldn't communicate. He spoke Chinese and I spoke English. Despite the language barrier, he began to draw. Line after line filled the page as his art poured onto the paper. He drew animals, food, toys, and all sorts of things for me. Through that time together he learned my favorite animal and foods, all from my reactions to his drawings. It was as if he was talking to me through his drawings. From then on I became enthralled by this peculiar talent. I became inspired to draw just like him and use my art to communicate with others.

Ever since that day I've been drawing, from simple things like Pokémon to complicated things like ferocious tigers. At first I was horrible at it, my tigers looked like lizards and my lizards looked like scribbles, but I never gave up. I continued to do art during my high school life and I'll admit at times it has been very hard and tiring. The countless all nighters to meet deadlines has caused me to make certain academic sacrifices and severely limited my social life, but I believe it has all been worth it. That feeling I get when I complete a piece that I have just poured my heart and soul into is something that I can't gain anywhere else. It's a sense of pure accomplishment and pride for my handwork. At times it hurts when people don't understand what my art is about or bash it because they don't find it aesthetically pleasing. But I don't give up, instead it shows me I haven't reached the level of The Magician and I must persevere and try harder so that everyone can understand my work, my feelings, and my message.

Today, art has become a passion of mine a way to express myself and communicate with other people. Many times have I used drawing to get to know others, especially the children I meet when I volunteer at Texas Children's Hospital. Their eye light up just like mine did ten years ago and brings a smile unto their faces, despite whatever sickness is befalling them, and the sense of happiness they emanate makes all my hard work honing my skills worth it. Looking back, I'm glad I was able to meet this Magician. Though I don't know where he is now, I'll always remember the influence he has had on me, for he introduced me to a hobby that I will love and cherish for the rest of my life. He has taught me how to bridge the gap between different people using something as simple as a magic wand.
piefacexd   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / The Tenacious Protest--Common App Essay [17]

LOL you sound amazing sword fighting and wrestling? niiiice XD I really like your introduction it really drew me in and made me want to read the rest of your essay.Here are some wording corrections i found:

However, not only did the families of those dead loved ones not get any compensation but many Sikhs are still in prisons under false accusations.

And there is nothing that is being done. sounds awkward Nothing is being done.

In opposition to all this

India, we could still make a huge impact overseas.

Before long , many of the girls began bickering with each other.

purged the board with ideas. i dont think thats the right way to use purge o_o filled maybe? or covered
piefacexd   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Becoming involved' - Cornell-College of Arts and Sciences supplemental [5]

I liked your intro it was interesting and humorous XD

It was in junior high school when I realized I no longer had an answer at all.

However, four years later I am facing the same problem,

i feel that the next paragraph starting " The further I explore these three subjects..." i feel its kind of vague, so did you take art classes at the college too? and why did you like chemistry? The part about finding an appreciation for art through history is excellent though. It shows a really unique view on how history has become an interest to you.

the last paragraph could be a bit more specific about what Cornell offers for you because it seems many colleges offer what you stated. iono what to suggest cause im not applying to cornell :T

If you have time read my essay too! XD
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳