llttnn123
Jan 2, 2010
Undergraduate / "Choosing undeclared but goal is computer science" UIUC Essay#1 [3]
This is my essay for UIUC undergrad application. I have no experience with this type of essay at all.
I am interested in Computer Science and Computer Engineering, but I am not confident nor clear to choose either because of my not-so-good-looking GPA.
I am looking for help on grammar, sentence structures, and choosing either version 1 or 2 for the fourth paragraph. And please also point out if I am being to vague and where, and what is unnecessary and a brief why.
ANY COMMENTS/HELP WILL BE APPRECIATED, THANK YOU!
Essay 1: In an essay of 300 words or less, please discuss your academic interests and/or professional goals.
Having been introduced, and since then played around with computers from the age of six; from a Windows 98 Celeron Compaq to a Windows XP Athlon X2 HP which I am using right now, I have the confidence to say that I am just as good as a Dell technician, that goes to houses to diagnose computers and exchange parts, if not better.
My parents and relatives all say that I am naturally good with electronics. For example, I was the first one in my family to figure out how to change the volume on a newly arrived amp when I was three. And later, when they ask me what I wanted to do when I grow up, I always answered, "scientist," because I was just "naturally good" with those things, so I thought. But the first time when I touched a computer, I was fascinated, and I knew that I was going to study way more about it. And at that point on I told them that I wanted to become a "computer scientist" (I did not know that job actually existed at that point).
In 1998, my mom started her own IT company, and I went to her company almost every day after school, to learn about computers from the "tech guy" there. (And I was the first person in my class to know how to install Windows 98.) From the business talks during meetings, to conversations with my mom about making important decisions, I learned a lot about business, too, and wanted to start my own company.
[Version1 for P4]
As time went on, I learned more about hardware and the operational systems. Then in the summer of 2006, I came to United States, and that gave me a better studying opportunity. Later that year, I "accidentally" discovered University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign when reading the copyright statements while I was playing with my pocket PC phone: "Portions of this software are based on NCSA Mosaic. NCSA Mosaic™ was developed by the National Center for Supercomputing Applications at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign." Then as I did more research online, I found out that UIUC has one of the top five computer science major nationwide. From that point on, I decided UIUC would be the dream school of mine to study computer science at.
[Version2 for P4]
As time went, I learned more about the hardware, operational systems, and a little bit of programming, too. But junior year, when I started researching for colleges, I was confused, although my goal seemed so clear for many years. "Computer science or computer engineering," I asked myself countless times, but could not make the decision. And with my grades due to the more challenging classes in CAA, I can only think of choosing undeclared first to sharpen my English skills required for colleges while finding out more about those two majors. But regardless of which I choose, UIUC is still my dream school to "study computers" at.
This is my essay for UIUC undergrad application. I have no experience with this type of essay at all.
I am interested in Computer Science and Computer Engineering, but I am not confident nor clear to choose either because of my not-so-good-looking GPA.
I am looking for help on grammar, sentence structures, and choosing either version 1 or 2 for the fourth paragraph. And please also point out if I am being to vague and where, and what is unnecessary and a brief why.
ANY COMMENTS/HELP WILL BE APPRECIATED, THANK YOU!
Essay 1: In an essay of 300 words or less, please discuss your academic interests and/or professional goals.
Having been introduced, and since then played around with computers from the age of six; from a Windows 98 Celeron Compaq to a Windows XP Athlon X2 HP which I am using right now, I have the confidence to say that I am just as good as a Dell technician, that goes to houses to diagnose computers and exchange parts, if not better.
My parents and relatives all say that I am naturally good with electronics. For example, I was the first one in my family to figure out how to change the volume on a newly arrived amp when I was three. And later, when they ask me what I wanted to do when I grow up, I always answered, "scientist," because I was just "naturally good" with those things, so I thought. But the first time when I touched a computer, I was fascinated, and I knew that I was going to study way more about it. And at that point on I told them that I wanted to become a "computer scientist" (I did not know that job actually existed at that point).
In 1998, my mom started her own IT company, and I went to her company almost every day after school, to learn about computers from the "tech guy" there. (And I was the first person in my class to know how to install Windows 98.) From the business talks during meetings, to conversations with my mom about making important decisions, I learned a lot about business, too, and wanted to start my own company.
[Version1 for P4]
As time went on, I learned more about hardware and the operational systems. Then in the summer of 2006, I came to United States, and that gave me a better studying opportunity. Later that year, I "accidentally" discovered University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign when reading the copyright statements while I was playing with my pocket PC phone: "Portions of this software are based on NCSA Mosaic. NCSA Mosaic™ was developed by the National Center for Supercomputing Applications at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign." Then as I did more research online, I found out that UIUC has one of the top five computer science major nationwide. From that point on, I decided UIUC would be the dream school of mine to study computer science at.
[Version2 for P4]
As time went, I learned more about the hardware, operational systems, and a little bit of programming, too. But junior year, when I started researching for colleges, I was confused, although my goal seemed so clear for many years. "Computer science or computer engineering," I asked myself countless times, but could not make the decision. And with my grades due to the more challenging classes in CAA, I can only think of choosing undeclared first to sharpen my English skills required for colleges while finding out more about those two majors. But regardless of which I choose, UIUC is still my dream school to "study computers" at.