Undergraduate / "education is useless because it dulls our personalities." required supplement [15]

Just scanning over your essay one thing I noticed is that you don't sound too sure of yourself. Don't use words like "could" just say "I will..."

The paragraph on music is good, but I think that your next paragraph on model UN is not as sincere. It just seemed to me that you picked a club you took leadership in and said that you want to join a club similar to that at Penn. I don't feel the passion for it like I do in the music paragraph. Maybe you should think about researching another academic organization related to your major or other interests. If you are trying to major in international business or something like that there are lots of other clubs on international affairs just look at the Penn student life website for help

Good luck