Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by tramchip
Joined: Dec 30, 2009
Last Post: Jan 2, 2010
Threads: 1
Posts: 7  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 8
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
tramchip   
Dec 31, 2009
Scholarship / Holt Endowed scholarship essay - VIETNAM CAN DO [4]

Topic : write a personal statement describe the relevance to your academic , personal and professional goals
Thanks everyone for giving me feedback :)
---------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------
Tram Pham
VIETNAM CAN DO
There is a story that I heard once where two successful business men in Masan-one of a core Food Export Cooperation in Vietnam share with each other: "There is a leather shoe company sends two agents to an undeveloped nation in Africa to search for a potential market there. One come back, very disappointed and report: There is no hope for our products to enter because people don't have a custom to wear shoes there. The other come back, with a very exciting attitude, proudly said to his boss that it is an enormous market because everyone has two legs, walk with bare feet and no one able to sell them any shoes." Why does this story inspire me? It taught me three important lessons that I learned by heart : number one, think outside of the box, number two, find the sleeping potential in a market, number three, do not afraid of taking risk. For an International management major, all three lessons above are crucial in order to succeed in Global Trade- a job field that I will adventure post-graduation.

I was fortunate to have chance to hear a speech from Nguyen Dang Quang, Masan CEO, also the person who told the story above. His speech inspired me take steps in defining who I am personally, academically and professionally. I am from Vietnam, a country that was heavily destroyed by wars, and being under a long period of economic isolation and embargo. Up until the time I left my country, terms such as FDI, Globalization, World Bank, WTO were unfamiliar concepts even for a Management major. When I arrived to America, I was amazed of how different the economic system works in the United States. Unlike my country economic, where business is more concentrate in being acknowledged by foreign market, the business industry here is more focus on domestic needs. Even though USA imported tons of products that made in China, most of the brand is owned by American co-operation.

Looking back at Vietnam, I realized the image of "everyone has two legs, walking with bare feet and no one able to sell them any shoes". What is the sleeping potential that I see in that market? For someone who was born and raised in my country, I can see the imbalance between import and export. While many companies concentrate on exporting products and compete with China for the market share and cheap labor force. There is a domestic market that consist of 85 million people that have the same needs were neglected. I grew up with being feed by an idea that the quality of product in Vietnam is not as good as foreign one, while, ironically, many goods that use by American consumers are made in Vietnam. Not only that, another misconception that exists in the market is best-selling trends can only be created by copying the designs of "pop culture" countries such as Korea, Taiwan. Up until now, especially in fashion industry, the term "Vietnamese style" does not exist because simply, Vietnamese, particularly teenager and celebrities who still influenced with the idea that have to use foreign brand to be in trend.

Join in WTO in 2007 was a challenge and also a wakeup call of government to the Vietnamese producers. It is an urging call for young business generation to step out of the me-too shadow and show the world that Vietnam is also a nation that capable in create unique and innovative products. No one able to sell any shoe does not equivalent to there will be no one going to wear shoes. A lessons that I learned in school while persuading my major in Hamline was that people were not born to automatically conform to listening to IPod or checking mail by Blackberry. Without innovative entrepreneurs who dare to take risk to create revolutions in consumer purchasing taste and behavior, the choice that available for us today perhaps will only either black or white.

I choose my major to be International management because I yearn to learn about the result of globalization where big co-operation have to change their images to fit with consumer habit in each country. I want to learn about what big co-operation does in different nation to change consumer behavior.

I use my spare time in traveling, meeting people from different countries and speak different languages. I have been to Australia, America, Thailand, China and Japan. In each country I traveled to, I tried my best to emerge myself in their culture and learn about the world diversity. I search for a unique business concepts within a country and wonder whether it is suitable to apply the idea in Vietnam market. I listen and exchange my thought to my friends and fellow who are also International Students about economic and political. I have a hope that one day, when I come back to do business in my country, I want to show not only Vietnam but also to other nations that Vietnamese also have quality brands not only can satisfy domestic consumer needs but also will be both unique and trendy. I want to be amongst the people who step over the curse of "Vietnam can't do".

---------------------------------------------------------------------- -----
THE END -
My first time in this forum and I thought it is an awesome idea. Thanks mods and people who giving feed back to my essays
tramchip   
Dec 31, 2009
Undergraduate / IS PHYSICS A WOMAN THING?- MY COMMON APP ESSAY. [7]

However,what interests me the most about Physics is actually the many experiments that we got to conduct

I think you should cross the however because it is a comparative word and you have not made any compare from the above paragraph that related to this paragraph

What is your word limit?

-----------------------------------------
btw, if you have chance, please review my essay
tramchip   
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / AT THE 217TH PAGE, ANOTHER CHANCE BEGUN.-PENN U SUPPLEMENT ESSAY [13]

Hey Vanessa,
I think this is a very creative essay. Good job !!!
Plan to fix some grammars and stuff but seems like other already did
Not sure what else to advise you ... just think it is a good essay . Tone of voice is not too dramatic or pathetic. It shows your spirit
tramchip   
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / NYU Supplement - Spending a day with Michelangelo of the ninja turtles! [11]

Yah, I know . My sister is applying to the same school. It is the matter of word use

Constantly risking his life to protect a city that hates him for his appearance, always looking at the bright side despite all the hardships that come his way, watching Mikey inspired me to care less about what the world thought of me and be more true to myself. We would spend the day playing video games and skateboarding -> you may want to shorten this , instead of writing this much may be you can use some big adjective word to describe his character. I would assume people know about Ninja turtles because it is well advertised in USA

We would spend the day playing video games and skateboarding. At night, we would costume up, go out, and do random acts of kindness -> I agree with cherrilyn about this . May be spend a day seeing NY magnificent side. At night, we... ( you should talk more than just random acts of kindness) -> random is not a good word for this

Also , kick some humor in the essay !!!
tramchip   
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / NYU Supplement - Spending a day with Michelangelo of the ninja turtles! [11]

helpinghand
I think the essay is still lack of unique and creative element
The sentence that describe Michelangelo is still too long. The essay does not ask to explain about why you choice such and such so you can just be like - Michelangelo - a fun, care free and courageous hero. And then try to find some activities that can reflect you and Michelangelo character
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳