Undergraduate / Bates supplement essay question: "How will you, with your life experiences, cont [2]

All my life, I have always worked hard and tried to withstand any challenge throw at me. I always try to stay positive no matter how bad things get because I never get lost in self pity and always remember that I have the ability to change my outlook and my situation. My inner strength also enables me to reach my goals in life because if I fall, I always pick myself up and try again until I achieve my goal. Nobody in this world is obligated to win but they are obligated to keep trying to the best of their ability. My patient and perseverance are going to make become a better student and will help me contribute to the vitality of Bates.

In my school, I volunteer at a shelter to cook foods for the homeless. That gives me a sense of pride and accomplishment because I was able to support others in their time of needs and make a difference in my community. Such experience can contribute to the vitality of Bates by motivating me to always provide help to my fellow classmates and try to better the community that I am living in.

can someone please look at this and give me some feedback by tonight thank you