Posts by musicislife3128

musicislife3128

Jan 1, 2010

Undergraduate / NYU Supplement - Spending a day with Michelangelo of the ninja turtles! [11]

i think your last revision is good!! however you should change the second "might" in the last sentence to something else like "will" - it sounds a little awkward

musicislife3128

Jan 1, 2010

Undergraduate / "Helen" - Common App People Who Influenced Essay. [11]

overall your essay is good!! i like it. just a few suggestions:

Helen even introduced me to her group of friends when I made an improvement in my verbal skills. i would change this to "once"

i also agree with dinochar's comments

When I looked at the transfer student, I feel as if I am staring at a reflection of myself in the old days make these two words so that they agree with each other (i.e. looked, felt or look, feel)

musicislife3128

Jan 1, 2010

Undergraduate / Influence, location mission, why - My Syracuse University Supplement [3]

i applied to syracuse too! here are my suggestions:

Syracuse has a great school sprint and I feel I can be a fit there. you meant spirit right? and say something like "i think/know i will fit in well there."i would also state a couple more reasons why you applied if you have any

One of the most profound experiences I ever had was when I worked at the American Museum of National History.

During my time there, I completed various tasks. what were some of those tasks? elaborate some

Those tasks gave me responsibilities, that I never had the opportunity to had before no comma and replace the second had with have

I exceeded at those tasks and my bosses was deeply impress. either say boss was or bosses wereand changed impress to impressed

I was so proud of myself because no comma this job proved to me that I can exceed in the workforce. Also the job gave me the lesson that I grew up. <---??? confusing- do you mean it helped you grow? I learned a lot about myself and will always take those lessons with me. i would say more about what skills you learned from the job and be specific

As mentioned in the second response, volunteering was a great experience for me. Syracuse has many volunteering opportunities so I ~~will~~would like to continue volunteering ~~when I meet to~~if I attend Syracuse University. ~~Syracuse has many volunteering opportunities, that I could picture myself doing~~ . As a geography major, I will have to learn about different cultures and regions; Syracuse will allow me study those topics. Interacting with the community and helping the community is truly what I am about as a person. Scholarship in Action will give me a real world education, that will help me pursue my dreams.

i think this whole paragraphs needs work. you didn't really talk about what real world experiences you will carry out except for volunteering (and i would be a little more specific with the volunteering). give more examples of what you will do on campus, around the campus, or around the world to help with your education.

hope that helps!! you're on the right track! just work on them a little bit more

musicislife3128

Jan 1, 2010

Undergraduate / NYU (summer in Italy, new yorker - Alicia Keys, poem, movie, program of interest [6]

so i posted this same thread a little while ago but it got deleted? so i'm re-posting it. thanks so much to everyone who already commented!!! your suggestions were great and i used most of them. any new comments/suggestions would be greatly appreciated!! and i'm happy to read anyone else's who comments. thanks!!

In addition to any work experience that you listed on your application, please tell us how you spent your most recent summer vacation.
The most prominent part of my summer was spent completing a three-week study abroad program with Study Programs International in Italy. I spent most of my time in Siena, where I lived with an Italian family and attended Italian classes at the Dante Alighieri School. I got to witness the famous Siena Palio and I also travelled to other parts of Italy, including Pompeii, Sorrento, Capri, Florence, and Rome. My Italian comprehension and speaking improved and I met many great people.

If you had the opportunity to spend one day in New York City with a famous New Yorker, who would it be and what would you do? (Your New Yorker can be anyone -past or present, fictional or nonfictional - who is commonly associated with New York City; they do not necessarily have to have been born and raised in New York.)

I would love to spend a day with Alicia Keys, a strong, independent, and talented music lover like myself. First, Alicia would show me around her native Manhattan. As we walk and munch on pizza, she would tell me about her life and her experience in the music industry. After that, we would see "RENT" on Broadway. Then to end a perfect day, we would compose a duet on the piano together which we would later perform-with Alicia singing of course-in front of thousands at Madison Square Garden.

Write a haiku, limerick, or short (eight lines or less) poem that best represents you.
Walking boldly, proud, and upright
Along a winding road in daylight
She hums her own, special tune
But listens pleasantly to the birds of June
And when the wind became too strong
It knocked her down where she didn't belong
But she understood and kept her smile
And got right back up to stroll awhile

i particularly need help with my poem!! im not very good at writing poetry lol. does it sound ok? any suggestions?

In the year 2050, a movie is being made of your life. Please tell us the name of your movie and briefly summarize the story line.

Juxtaposition is the story of Chelsea Moore, a passionate and hard-working woman, who grows up in Chicago and later brings together her two childhood dreams in exchange for one life of happiness. This must-see film documents Chelsea's struggle to make a name for herself in New York's music industry, as well as travel around the world and satiate her craving for experiencing new cultures. Will she be able to reach her goals of success? Or will NYC and the rest of the world get the best of her?

Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline.

Ever since I began playing piano as a little girl, I have had a strong passion for music. As I grew older, I developed an even stronger passion for sharing music with others and helping spread music's joy. The people working behind the scenes in the music industry play a big role in keeping music alive and I want to be apart of that group of people. NYU's music business program, as well as being located in NYC, would provide me with everything I need to achieve my goals.

musicislife3128

Jan 4, 2010

Undergraduate / NYU (summer in Italy, new yorker - Alicia Keys, poem, movie, program of interest [6]

thanks sooo much guys!!! i didn't get to use your suggestions though cuz i had to submit the app on the 1st (sorry, i should have mentioned that). and its a huge bummer too cuz they're great corrections and i definitely would have used them =[ but i really appreciate you taking the time to read this!!! and i appreciate the compliments!! thank you!!!